How to encourage confidence in son

[tonkatruck]

DS is 6 and worries a lot about everything, this is what he has told me. He also struggles with his confidence and can be quite shy, as a result at school doesn't seem to have many real friends. He has friends that he plays with but not a 'best friend ' either which most of the other children seem to. How can I help him?

[Tacca]

If he enjoys football, try to get him in to a team and as much training/practice/games as you can. So many boys love football, he will never be short of friends if he gets the same opportunity.

If he isn't, he is only a year or two away from the age where they become really in to their computer games. I understand a lot of adults don't like to promote this, but it will help him with his friends if he can play and speak to them outside of school anytime he wishes.

Outside of creating opportunities for him to make friends, also compliment him at every opportunity you can. Everything he does well make a massive fuss of him, no matter how trivial the achievement it will build up his confidence.

[FAQs]

I’ve got a 16 year old who has been like this all her life. I used to push her outside of her comfort zone, however this backfired and she ended up being anxious it’s much easier now I’ve accepted this, she is relaxed and doing fine.

Just wish her teachers accepted her like this, every parents evening every year they complain about her being quiet and reluctant to put her hand up. It’s who she is.

[SnowdropFox]

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[Undies1990]

My DD was like this. My advise is not to make a big thing of it - don't mention it to him or draw attention to it when you see his shyness etc becoming apparent. It makes it so much harder to try and deal with.
Just gently encourage his confidence with positive parenting (google it if you've not heard of it) techniques.

[tonkatruck]

Thank you i will try these techniques. How do others children get on with making friends? Many in his class seem very confident so they all seem to stick together and he cant seem to make many friends

[lljkk]

I believe that risk taking is valuable. If they successfully take risks and succeed and sometimes fail, they learn they how to deal with failure, and that risks are worth taking.

Obviously with appropriate boundaries for safety - but basically, humans are primed to take risks. Martial arts are good for teaching self-discipline and to deal gracefully with successes and setbacks.

[SavoyCabbage]

It's always good to find something outside of school so that they have a wider life, for want of a better phrase.

Also, if they can be good at something that not everyone can do then that is a great confidence boost. It could be anything. Archery, park-run, climbing, speed skating, cooking, shooting hoops.

Show him how to talk to people by doing it yourself. Exchange a few words when the postman delivers a parcel, stop to admire a dog on the way to school etc. Talk to him so he knows how to ask and answer questions.

Talk positively about other people.