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Best age gap between children

(25 Posts)
jay120 Sat 05-Sep-20 20:56:48

Hi all,
What's does everyone think the best age gap is between children grin

OP’s posts: |
SendHelp30 Sat 05-Sep-20 20:59:15

I don’t believe there’s a perfect age gap. It’s your parenting and family that matters.
Also some children are just very different and won’t get on regardless of how close in age they are.

SendHelp30 Sat 05-Sep-20 20:59:57

To add- I have 4 years 11 months between DD & DS2 and 17 months between DS1 & DS2. I love both.

jay120 Sat 05-Sep-20 21:06:44

@SendHelp30 Thankyou I definitely do agree with your reply smile
I have a dd who's 3 and I have a 2 month old and I love it it can be a bit hard sometimes when my daughter wants play time and my son won't settle everyone keeps commenting on my parenting skills and makes me feel really down

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SendHelp30 Sat 05-Sep-20 21:29:43

What are they saying?
I bet you’re doing brilliant. It’s difficult when the baby is so young. I remember holding both DD and DS1 while they slept as DD was in reception when I had DS. But with DS2 he always got put straight down so I could play with DS1. Don’t take any notice of other people.

jay120 Sat 05-Sep-20 22:18:17

@SendHelp30 Thankyou am trying my best,
It's mostly my in laws and husband who comments on how I don't spend enough time with my dd or I don't cut my ds nails or feed him enough and how my house is never clean enough, even the fact that my dd watches tv and mil don't like it
It would just be nice to hear how much of a good job am doing sometimes
Especially when my husband don't really do much around the house or even help with the kids

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enroutes Sat 05-Sep-20 22:20:07

I hate these threads. You can't always plan. And threads like these make me feel shit. Every single time

greyinganddecaying Sat 05-Sep-20 23:08:18

jay120

*@SendHelp30* Thankyou am trying my best,
It's mostly my in laws and husband who comments on how I don't spend enough time with my dd or I don't cut my ds nails or feed him enough and how my house is never clean enough, even the fact that my dd watches tv and mil don't like it
It would just be nice to hear how much of a good job am doing sometimes
Especially when my husband don't really do much around the house or even help with the kids



Your husband/in laws sound like arses. Next time they criticise tell them that it might be easier to live up to their apparent standards if they helped out like decent partners/family.

There is no ideal gap, all kids are different. It sounds like you're doing your best & that's good enough.

jay120 Sat 05-Sep-20 23:20:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OP’s posts: |
RedRumTheHorse Sat 05-Sep-20 23:22:28

enroutes

I hate these threads. You can't always plan. And threads like these make me feel shit. Every single time

Why do you feel shit?

Age gaps are frequently not a choice.

jay120 Sat 05-Sep-20 23:23:43

@greyinganddecaying Thankyou for ur advice and I will definitely tell them where to stick their stupid comments next time x

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jay120 Sat 05-Sep-20 23:26:40

@enroutes why do you feel like shit?

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Debradoyourecall Sun 06-Sep-20 04:54:27

@jay120 sorry to hear your husband and in laws are making these comments. It’s hard looking after two and being a new parent and they should be supporting you, not looking to criticise! I’m sure you are doing great x

SendHelp30 Sun 06-Sep-20 14:54:54

@enroutes don’t open the thread if you don’t like the title?
Of course you can’t plan age gaps. It took us 2 years to conceive DS1. What I replied was that it depends on the parents IE you make it work whatever the gap.

SendHelp30 Sun 06-Sep-20 14:55:32

@jay120 they sound awful your husband should be helping you! As for the in laws, just ignore them! I’m sure you’re doing brilliant

jay120 Sun 06-Sep-20 15:18:04

Debradoyourecall

*@jay120* sorry to hear your husband and in laws are making these comments. It’s hard looking after two and being a new parent and they should be supporting you, not looking to criticise! I’m sure you are doing great x


Thank you for ur kind words Debra she always finds something to criticise me for and when I do say something back my husband don't like it am just overtired with everything it does get much x

OP’s posts: |
jay120 Sun 06-Sep-20 15:19:31

SendHelp30

*@jay120* they sound awful your husband should be helping you! As for the in laws, just ignore them! I’m sure you’re doing brilliant


They no help at all hun I do feel like a single mum at most times my husband thinks being a father means just bringing the baby's milk & nappies it takes a lot more to be a father than that x

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SnuggyBuggy Sun 06-Sep-20 15:25:03

I get the impression that smaller age gaps are harder at first but can be easier when the children are older logistics wise and are able to do the same things. Likewise bigger gaps are easier when the younger is a baby and the older is more independent but can be logistically more difficult later when you have to try and work around both their needs.

jay120 Sun 06-Sep-20 18:34:17

SnuggyBuggy

I get the impression that smaller age gaps are harder at first but can be easier when the children are older logistics wise and are able to do the same things. Likewise bigger gaps are easier when the younger is a baby and the older is more independent but can be logistically more difficult later when you have to try and work around both their needs.


Thankyou for ur reply, i definitely agree my dd isn't coping to well with her brother it's really difficult x

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Dontcarewhatmyusernameis Sun 06-Sep-20 18:46:12

We have a 3.5 year age gap and I really like it. My kids play together really well (also fight like any siblings) and it wasn’t as intense I don’t think as a two year gap.
However it totally depends on circumstance, personalities and like others have said it’s not something you can always plan.
We will have an unplanned six year gap between our youngest and the third on his/her way.

SnuggyBuggy Sun 06-Sep-20 18:47:07

It's also fair to say nothing really guarantees what sort of relationship any siblings will have either growing up or as adults.

jay120 Sun 06-Sep-20 19:13:40

Dontcarewhatmyusernameis

We have a 3.5 year age gap and I really like it. My kids play together really well (also fight like any siblings) and it wasn’t as intense I don’t think as a two year gap.
However it totally depends on circumstance, personalities and like others have said it’s not something you can always plan.
We will have an unplanned six year gap between our youngest and the third on his/her way.


How was ur older child with your younger one? My dd keeps going to hit my ds when am not looking I've told her of numerous times but she's not having it

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jay120 Sun 06-Sep-20 19:14:50

SnuggyBuggy

It's also fair to say nothing really guarantees what sort of relationship any siblings will have either growing up or as adults.


Totally agree with this I wasn't as close to my siblings when I was younger but growing up wev grown a lot closer

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alabama80 Sun 06-Sep-20 21:10:58

I have under two years between DC1 and DC2. I wanted the same gap between DC2 and DC3 but that didn't happen and we got just over 3 years. I am glad in a way because that gap is easier but it is not easy and there were times that DC2 didn't get as much of my attention as I'd liked to have given due to feeding baby etc. Your husband and his family are being very rude.

jay120 Sun 06-Sep-20 21:25:09

alabama80

I have under two years between DC1 and DC2. I wanted the same gap between DC2 and DC3 but that didn't happen and we got just over 3 years. I am glad in a way because that gap is easier but it is not easy and there were times that DC2 didn't get as much of my attention as I'd liked to have given due to feeding baby etc. Your husband and his family are being very rude.


Aw I know my dd is like that, she's not used to someone else having my attention to and hates it,
I know just wish people would a lot kinder

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