Mother in law has mental health issue?

[bethany19]

I really need to rant and need advice!

I went to my mother in laws today because her ex husband (DDs grandad) wanted to see DD.
I don't really have a relationship with her but bite my tongue for the sake of my daughter and DH. Anyway, today she shouted at DD because she was moany (she is 1 years old) and was sayi bf "hey hey hey". She said she doesn't stop eating and made a point that any toys that the grandad had bought were not staying at the house ( she hates mess).
The main point is... she got her washing in from outside and starting arranging it into piles. My daughter walked over and grabbed some socks. My mother in law then shouted ey and light slapped her hand away (about 5 times). I was furious and waiting for DH to say something. He didn't so I was about to explode and then left the house. I really don't want her going there anymore as I don't trust her and don't like the way she is with my daughter. This will however, cause massive arguments with DH.

What would you do?

[FelicityPike]

Not to excuse her behaviour, but when you saw your DD annoying your MIL sorting the washing, why didn’t you move her away or distract her? Why did you allow her to be (lightly) slapped 5 times?
It doesn’t sound (from the little you’ve written here) that there are mental health issues. It just sounds like you don’t like her.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

If someone hit my baby I wouldn’t be waiting for someone else to tell them to stop. Tough shit if your partner isn’t happy, no one should be physically assaulting your baby and if he won’t step in and protect her you absolutely have to. Don’t let her anywhere near your child.

As to your title, she may have mental health problems or she may just be a bitch who thinks hitting infants who touch laundry is acceptable. Your problem isn’t her MH, because she won’t be getting a second chance to hurt your DD. Your problem is your partner who seems to think how his mother behaved is okay and who you anticipate will give you shit for creating healthy boundaries.

[bethany19]

@FelicityPike I didn't move her away because I didn't expect my mother in law to react that way. My daughter usually helps me with the washing so I thought she would have been happy that my daughter actually wanted to help/bond with her. I would never in any way allow my daughter to be slapped which is why I don't want her being around my mother in law again if she doesn't understand that smacking is unacceptable.
Your right that I don't like her.

[Letsallscreamatthesistene]

Why do you think she has MH problems?

[Skingaling]

Why did you let her do it five times though?

[FelicityPike]

But FIVE times?
You’re as much to blame. No one would lay a finger on my baby.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Of course you don’t like her. She sounds fucking horrible.

Does your partner genuinely think it’s okay for his mother to hit a baby? Did she smack or hit him when he was 1? Is that why he thinks it’s okay?

[bethany19]

@AnneLovesGilbert i think his mum did the same to him as a child so he thinks it normal. When i explain things to him though, he does change and understand where I'm coming from. It's difficult because I get so frustrated his mum is, she rarely wants to see our daughter and I know deep down he wants a loving family like I have.

[muchalover]

I am a mental health professional. Please don't bandy about accusations of mental health problems because you don't like someone or disagree with their style of parenting. Having a mental health condition is stigmatised enough without that.

[Letsallscreamatthesistene]

Are you going to explain why you think your MIL has MH issues?

[Bluntness100]

How does this relate to her having mental health issues? Nothing in your post indicates she does, not any more than it indicates you do or your partner does?

[Beautiful3]

I dont think she has mental health problems but I would have pulled little one away and distracted her from the washing. I wouldn't be happy with some one slapping my child lightly 5 times! You shouldn't rely on your husband to interject, you have a voice so you say, "don't smack her!"

[bethany19]

She had random burts of rage throughout the day and then was calm again. She took a kinder egg out of my daughters hand waited until she got a reaction and was mimicking my daughter. She would go from talking to shouting and was calling my daughter over like a cat (kissing her lips or clicking her fingers)

[Bluntness100]

Why didn’t you take your daughter away the first time she smacked her hand away and you saw she was annoying her when she was doing the laundry? Why did you sit there and watch it happen five times?

Look if you just don’t like your mil fair enough. Just own it though.

[bethany19]

Who said I sat there and let it happen? I picked my daughter up and left

[Requinblanc]

The point is this woman, whatever the reason, does not seem to be able to interact with you child in a safe and loving manner and a way that matches the way you want you daughter to be treated.

Lashing out at children for what is just normal kiddie behaviour is not on.

I personally cannot stand people who can't control their emotions and take their anger and frustration on others this way.

Have a firm conversation with your husband and with your MIL and set up ground rules. That includes not shouting at your kid and slapping any part of her body...If she cannot abide to those rules, then she will not see her grand-kid.

Often people behave like this because they have not been challenged by anyone and think they can get away with it. Your husband might have been 'conditioned' into thinking this is an acceptable way to raise children, but it isn't. I would definitely not leave her alone with the child either...