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Scared to leave baby with anyone else

(25 Posts)
Freckleyou20 Thu 03-Sep-20 18:17:37

My son is 8 months old and I still can't justify leaving him with anyone else, even if it's only to pop to the shop and I'm due to give birth again next month so I'm going to be left with no choice. Does anyone have any tips to make this any easier?

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OnlyFoolsnMothers Thu 03-Sep-20 18:20:52

Do you not even trust a partner or your parents/ siblings ?

Freckleyou20 Thu 03-Sep-20 18:29:15

I trust babies father but as of yet we've not been in a situation where I've even had to leave baby with him and he really wants to be at new baby's birth and siblings too young and I don't trust my parents at all

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JamieFrasersSwingingKilt Thu 03-Sep-20 18:31:39

Why don't you trust your parents? Is it that they're incapable or you (sorry to say it) irrationally don't trust one single person to look after your child in a way where they're safe, cared for, all physical needs are met, and they get comforted/stimulated when needed too?

aureliacecilia Thu 03-Sep-20 18:33:26

My friend felt like this. She talked to her health visitor and then her GP. She was diagnosed with PTSD and postnatal anxiety. She had counselling and EMDR, and she recovered enough to leave her baby with her partner and then family and then at nursery. There is help out there.

RowboatsinDisguise Thu 03-Sep-20 18:33:34

Are you not completely burnt out? Being heavily pregnant with a baby and absolutely no respite is my idea of hell.

Freckleyou20 Thu 03-Sep-20 18:43:21

@JamieFrasersSwingingKilt Don't be lol don't have much family around and my parents have many problems I shouldn't wish for any child to be around.

@aureliacecilia I'm gunna sound daft but im guessing how I'm feeling isn't normal by your reply?

Is tiring but I wouldn't say it's like hell? My 8 month old is an absolute angel at night time and sleeps from 7:30pm till 6am. However, if I didn't have that sleep hell would be a good word lol

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Danni290 Thu 03-Sep-20 18:56:45

Perhaps speak to your GP as it's not rational to feel this way.

It's also hot going to be easy for you in the long term you are causing unnecessary stress in yourself IMO.

I think you should go the therapy about it. I'm not being disrespectful, I've had therapy and worked wonders. Wasn't the same problem but sounds like CBT could help you here.

BendingSpoons Thu 03-Sep-20 19:01:24

We have been in lockdown then socially distancing for a large chunk of your baby's life. Other adults around you don't seem to be reliable. I don't think it's that strange you feel like this. I would quickly start leaving him with your partner. If you feel anxious, start with popping to the shop and build up the time. Have you identified a reliable adilt who can have your baby when you give birth? Ideally do some practise runs with them too for your baby's sake (and yours!).

Freckleyou20 Thu 03-Sep-20 19:02:26

@Danni290 I thought this was a common thing/ fairly normal but I'm guessing not. Thank you, I have the health visitor coming out for the new baby in a few weeks so I'll talk to her when she's here about it all. Hopefully, some therapy or something will make it easier because at the moment it's like my worst nightmare knowing someone else could be in charge of looking after my babies.

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OnlyFoolsnMothers Thu 03-Sep-20 19:03:58

So do you actually have anyone to leave them with?
Sounds like limited options rather than irrational attachment

doadeer Thu 03-Sep-20 19:06:26

I think you need to know what you're going to do when you give birth quickly so you can get your 8m old used to spending time with others as otherwise it's going to be very stressful for you and them.

What are your options?

Danni290 Thu 03-Sep-20 19:06:45

@Freckleyou20 it is common but is still not rational and is only going to impact you and your baby. I honestly feel baby could develop a dependence on you that isn't healthy and it also means you don't get a break shock comes with a whole host of problems.

You need a break - happy mom happy child and I'm not saying you're not happy as I don't know you but I find it difficult to believe that running on little gas (if you've not had a break I assume this the case) you will run out of steam some point. By 'break' I'm talking even just a few hours to get sleep, relax etc

Freckleyou20 Thu 03-Sep-20 19:08:08

@BendingSpoons I don't think it helps that he was up in London in intensive care from birth till a month and half old as well as all this you've mentioned. My dads ex has said she would help out when in labour ( we have a better relationship than me and my parents ) and she does have 3 young children of her own which is why I'm more considering accepting her help than anyone elses if I'm honest. I think I'll start by trying this and if it doesn't get me anywhere then try therapy. Thank you ladies smile

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DamnShesaSexyChick Thu 03-Sep-20 19:09:32

No it’s not normal and why did you get pregnant again so soon after giving birth? That is not good for your body at all.

showmethewaytothemagic Thu 03-Sep-20 19:11:49

Wow 😮 very impressive getting pregnant so quickly. How ? I mean I didn't have sex for like 9 months after my first ha ha. But I felt like this leaving my DS and he was 3.5 years old. I don't think you're mentally unwell, I think you just are a normal parent. Leaving them gets easier.

ShirleyPhallus Thu 03-Sep-20 19:15:28

I was also gonna ask about the timing - did you get pregnant about a week after you gave birth?!

Are you ok OP? That seems awfully quick and just checking you felt like your body was ready?

Freckleyou20 Thu 03-Sep-20 19:20:23

@OnlyFoolsnMothers I have my dads ex partner who is lovely and young children of her own. It's just the whole fear of what if something goes wrong, I know things going wrong is avoidable especially when they start trying to walk etc but I'd rather that happen in my care, I've been so close to losing him before when he was born and I do think my problems stem from here. But surely there has to be something to make it easier??

@doadeer I have dads ex who again, is lovely and happy to help. I just wish it was as simple as that from my perspective.

@Danni290 I see where you are coming from. I also don't want my little one to be feeling worried etc to where's mummy gone when I go into labour and this is exactly why I need to do something about it. Like you said previously, I think I'll try building up the mental power to gradually leave him with partner etc... and go from there and just hope it works as new baby's only a month away

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Freckleyou20 Thu 03-Sep-20 19:27:50

@DamnShesaSexyChick No not good for my body but I conceived this little one and whether that's good for my body or not I will have two baby boys 10 months apart and love them unconditionally. ( don't mean to sound abrupt )

@showmethewaytothemagic Hormones do weird and wonderful things lol either go one way or another lol I hope it does get easier, in a way good to know I'm not alone.

@ShirleyPhallus Definitely awfully quick. But again I guess some people more sooner than others. Guess I'm gunna get these comments a lot especially when they're both here lol

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OnlyFoolsnMothers Thu 03-Sep-20 19:52:30

How about going for a walk with your dads ex but letting her do all the looking after whilst you are just watching- to start off with

BendingSpoons Thu 03-Sep-20 19:54:59

Intensive care must have been tough and make you feel even more protective. Does your partner look after him whilst you have a bath etc? I would challenge yourself to do something each day. Start with leaving your son with your partner and posting a letter or walking round the block. As you see they are fine, you can gradually increase the time. If it's really hard then maybe stay on a call the first time you do it! It will feel really strange at first, like you are missing something, but it honestly will get easier. You might even start to enjoy it!

Freckleyou20 Thu 03-Sep-20 19:56:02

@OnlyFoolsnMothers Sounds like a good idea, can get a sense of how her children will be around him that way too. Thank you smile

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Freckleyou20 Thu 03-Sep-20 20:05:29

@BendingSpoons Definitely so! Don't get me wrong my partner is willing to help with pretty much anything and I know if I asked or made a point of needing a hand he'd be there but I naturally will only go for a bath, cook our tea etc when babies in bed or having his mid morning nap. To be fair I don't think I'd even need to ask partner to do it if I just went for a bath one day half way through the day he would just do it but i guess it's just me being me lol I do think I'm gunna try do this tomorrow.

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BendingSpoons Thu 03-Sep-20 20:14:43

I think it's a good plan to start small and start tomorrow. Cook dinner, have a bath, have a lie down etc. You will be in shouting distance if anything is needed, although I'm sure it won't be!

Freckleyou20 Thu 03-Sep-20 20:16:18

@BendingSpoons Thank you so much!!

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