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Play dates with a single dad

(20 Posts)
asdmum20 Thu 03-Sep-20 08:00:11

New poster here. Just looking for some insight from other single parents. I don't have many mum friends so I can't ask anyone!

Little backstory:
I have known this man for a very long time. I dated this guy back when I was 16 (30 now) Life goes on, we stay in touch. He has a kid and we’re friendly.
I separated from my husband and he separated from his partner. I let him know not long ago that I have always thought he was attractive and I just wanted to tell him.

We caught up via text and He told me that he’s going through some trouble with his long distance girlfriend to the point of going to therapy, so I supported it as I should and said it will be fine.
He just asked me if I want to have a play date with the kids, do I think they’ll get along - let’s do it next weekend. Usually I'm the one asking people for play dates so it's refreshing to be asked and he was very much "this is when we're doing it". I find him super attractive 😂

I haven't seen this guy in about a year. I know for a fact that he has plenty of friends that have kids for play dates. Am I looking too far into it? My sense is that he wants to see how our kids get along and what kind of mother I am to my own kids/how I interact with his son before he takes it further.

OP’s posts: |
Therollockingrogue Thu 03-Sep-20 08:07:07

So he has a girlfriend? hmm

newmumwithquestions Thu 03-Sep-20 08:15:00

Be careful about getting involved with someone who is working through issues with his girlfriend.

EssentialHummus Thu 03-Sep-20 08:17:02

I think this is plainly less about the kids and more about you and him, especially given what you told him. Which is fine, but be very careful given that he is (for now?) in a relationship with someone else.

CherryLicious Thu 03-Sep-20 08:18:02

I don't think he's checking you and your DC for long term family compatibility/ marriage just yet... He's just using the children as an excuse to check you out, perhaps just for an ego boost/ flirtation, without appearing openly unfaithful to his current partner.

Letsallscreamatthesistene Thu 03-Sep-20 08:57:03

My sense is that he wants to see how our kids get along and what kind of mother I am to my own kids/how I interact with his son before he takes it further

I mean, it could be the case. However, I do think its a bit of a leap to go from someone saying you're attractive to testing child compatability and judging parenting style.

This guy has a girlfriend. Dont get involved until things are sorted there or it could get very messy.

asdmum20 Thu 03-Sep-20 10:07:18

Therollockingrogue

So he has a girlfriend? hmm


Yes but it doesn't look like it's going very well.

Just to be clear, in no way am I desperate, so I won't be acting on anything when he is in a relationship. Also, it's a play date so it's not like we're hooking up in the other room while our kids play 😂 we will be in the same room as them, talking as friends.

OP’s posts: |
asdmum20 Thu 03-Sep-20 10:11:53

newmumwithquestions

Be careful about getting involved with someone who is working through issues with his girlfriend.


I'm not at all desperate so I am not looking to get involved with a guy that has a girlfriend.

However, if he might be feeling that his long distance relationship isn't working out and thinks he might end it anyway (I don't know this for a fact) - what I'm wondering is: could he maybe be wanting to see how we get along "as friends" and hanging out with our children involved and then move on to other things.

I literally could be looking too far into it and he could just want a play date 😂 it's just strange to me that there are so many other people that he could have play dates with and he's asking me.

OP’s posts: |
Dontforgetyourbrolly Thu 03-Sep-20 10:14:11

I think he wants a play date and a chat and a catch up with a friend, if you are hoping for more, it's best you decline

asdmum20 Thu 03-Sep-20 10:14:12

EssentialHummus

I think this is plainly less about the kids and more about you and him, especially given what you told him. Which is fine, but be very careful given that he is (for now?) in a relationship with someone else.


Yes I completely agree - I will not be getting involved with someone who is in a relationship.

My gut feeling is that it's not going well and when he ends it, that he might be considering getting involved with me

OP’s posts: |
LuluBellaBlue Thu 03-Sep-20 10:16:55

I'd go as a friend as you may not like him! will be a good chance to see how he is as a dad as that would be imperative for me.

asdmum20 Thu 03-Sep-20 10:19:52

CherryLicious

I don't think he's checking you and your DC for long term family compatibility/ marriage just yet... He's just using the children as an excuse to check you out, perhaps just for an ego boost/ flirtation, without appearing openly unfaithful to his current partner.


I am still married at this point so I'm 100% sure that he is not checking us out for marriage. I also don't think I want to get married again, but that's another story 😂

He's not usually the type for ego boosts or even to flirt but my gut feeling is that he's going to end things with his current long distance partner anyway. I just wonder, seeing as I have known him for half of my life, whether he might be considering going after me once he's moved on.

To me, organising a play date (at my house) where you would really only be catching up with me, usually would mean that he's thinking about it? I'm just not sure.

I agree with you about using the kids as a cover to feel out the situation.

I'm still going to go casual and wear my mummy active wear 😂 I won't be dressing up for this kiddy play date haha

OP’s posts: |
DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult Thu 03-Sep-20 10:20:49

He is probably lining the next girlfriend up before he gets rid of the current girlfriend.

You don't go to an ex, who has recently told you they are attracted to you, with your relationship problems without having an ulterior motive.

I would be looking at his behaviour with his current girlfriend very closely, if you're willing to put up with being treated like then go for this playdate.

I would be distancing myself from him at the moment tbh.

asdmum20 Thu 03-Sep-20 10:26:48

Letsallscreamatthesistene

*My sense is that he wants to see how our kids get along and what kind of mother I am to my own kids/how I interact with his son before he takes it further*

I mean, it could be the case. However, I do think its a bit of a leap to go from someone saying you're attractive to testing child compatability and judging parenting style.

This guy has a girlfriend. Dont get involved until things are sorted there or it could get very messy.


Okay I don't want to come across as someone who is going to ruin a relationship. I am currently still married (separated and won't be going back - that's another story), so I am in no rush to steal someone's partner or break them up. I have known him for a very long time though and this is quite out of character.

100% agree that it's a leap. But, again, I have known him for a very long time so usually you would start with seeing if your kids get along as friends and how you both now get along as parents to tiny children (all under 4) instead of how it used to be without tiny little packages coming with you everywhere 😂

To me a play date would be a good start to see how it all goes

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user1493413286 Thu 03-Sep-20 10:27:28

I think it’s likely that he wants to size up whether he’d want to move on with you or stick with his girlfriend. It may not be that he’s even consciously doing it but there’s the potential for you to get hurt within that.
Part of me thinks you should just stay away until he works out what he’s doing with his girlfriend but equally I know if it was me I’d probably end up meeting for a play date out of curiosity even if I ended up being burnt.

asdmum20 Thu 03-Sep-20 10:28:29

Dontforgetyourbrolly

I think he wants a play date and a chat and a catch up with a friend, if you are hoping for more, it's best you decline


As I have said above, I'm not desperate so at this point if he just wants to catch up with me and nothing comes of it then I'm still happy to keep him as friends, which is exactly what he has been for over 15 years smile

Also, it would be great for my kids to be involved with some more children. So either way, it's a win for me smile

OP’s posts: |
asdmum20 Thu 03-Sep-20 10:31:28

LuluBellaBlue

I'd go as a friend as you may not like him! will be a good chance to see how he is as a dad as that would be imperative for me.


That's exactly right.

I already know that I like him as person, but I agree that parenting styles are important. That's in itself could be a red flag for me haha.

But 100% going in as a friend because I don't know for sure what the full intention are. I will not be dressing up for the occasion (doing my hair nicely with a little bit of makeup definitely), I'll be wearing my usual casual activewear seeing as that's what I wear everyday. I won't be coming to the door in a sundress and heels 😂

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LookAtTheCahhOlivahhhhh Thu 03-Sep-20 10:35:51

I hope he's not the kind of person who lines up their next partner before finishing their relationship with the current one.
If he is then consider that he sees you next in a line.

asdmum20 Thu 03-Sep-20 10:42:16

LookAtTheCahhOlivahhhhh

I hope he's not the kind of person who lines up their next partner before finishing their relationship with the current one.
If he is then consider that he sees you next in a line.


100% agree that isn't the right thing to do.

I guess I'm not going to know until it happens? If not, I still have a friend for life and my kids have a friend in his son smile

OP’s posts: |
asdmum20 Thu 03-Sep-20 10:48:46

user1493413286

I think it’s likely that he wants to size up whether he’d want to move on with you or stick with his girlfriend. It may not be that he’s even consciously doing it but there’s the potential for you to get hurt within that.
Part of me thinks you should just stay away until he works out what he’s doing with his girlfriend but equally I know if it was me I’d probably end up meeting for a play date out of curiosity even if I ended up being burnt.


That's what I think is happening and maybe he knows he's doing it, maybe not. But at the same time, I'm also fine if it isn't what I'm thinking it might be? I'm not in any type of rush at this point. I'm happy just going with the flow.

And at this point, as I have known him for so long, it would be plain rude of me to just turn down the play date. He would know something was up and I would also be depriving my kids of new friends.

Plus, I already said yes haha 😂

OP’s posts: |

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