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Opinions on teen parents?

(175 Posts)
whiningndwining Wed 02-Sep-20 19:01:27

How do you perceive teen parents? Does your opinion change based on gender / age / planned or unplanned pregnancy / benefits etc?

Just curious! x

OP’s posts: |
Letsallscreamatthesistene Wed 02-Sep-20 19:14:28

Why ask this? Whats your agenda?

Timeforanewone Wed 02-Sep-20 19:15:48

No opinion- each to his own. 🙂

whiningndwining Wed 02-Sep-20 19:16:22

@Letsallscreamatthesistene Because I'm planning to have a baby at 19 and wanted general consensus. I didn't mention it because it usually amounts to people responding; "You should do this, you shouldn't do that etc etc" when I just want a general opinion. That's all smile

OP’s posts: |
LonginesPrime Wed 02-Sep-20 19:17:15

Why do you want random people's opinions though, OP?

How is that helpful?

JaJaDingDong Wed 02-Sep-20 19:18:46

19 is adult. I thought you were talking about kids who get pregnant at 13.
19 is fine, as long as you can support the child without state help (though I'd say that whatever your age).

whiningndwining Wed 02-Sep-20 19:19:24

@LonginesPrime I'm literally just interested for the purposes of curiosity - it's a widely-debated topic and usually people have strong feelings on it. Is that not the point of Mumsnet, to share opinions?

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BertieBotts Wed 02-Sep-20 19:24:03

Having had my first at 19, I would say wait until you've been with somebody at least 5 years before you consider having kids with them.

There is no problem having kids at a younger age but in my experience your relationship radar is massively underdeveloped and so you have a high chance of ending up with a dud father for your kids. If you're thinking as I did that it doesn't really matter because my own dad wasn't interested and we were fine, think 100x again. It's hard enough trying to parent with somebody who you completely trust and whose decisions you generally admire, it's horrible trying to parent with somebody who doesn't fill that bill.

minnieok Wed 02-Sep-20 19:25:09

If you are mature enough to cope without assistance from family or social services and can support your child without benefits (except child benefit) then it's fine but most teens cannot, they need financial help with uc/tax credits and emotional/practical support of family or the authorities. Personally I think getting a good education or training should be achieved before parenthood is considered

whiningndwining Wed 02-Sep-20 19:27:22

@BertieBotts Thank you for the opinion! For me personally, I will have been with DH for 4.5 (approx) years, and if all goes well we'll be a solid team. Did you feel any judgement for being a younger mother? There's a lot of information on being an "acceptable" / older age of mum, but I guess I'm just interested in the added younger mum challenges or upsides, as that's not as talked about as much.

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disorganisedsecretsquirrel Wed 02-Sep-20 19:27:53

No.
Not if you don't have to.

At 19 you should be a free agent enjoying your life , getting a career and making your OWN life.

Sunshineandsparkle Wed 02-Sep-20 19:28:39

In my honest opinion, I see it as a great shame. I remember how much I enjoyed my teens and especially early twenties. I enjoy parenthood now and I don’t mind the sacrifices of not having a social life and devoting myself and my time to my dc as I made the most of my years of freedom. I travelled, went out a lot, wasted money on frivolous things, lived and worked in a few different countries. I have so many happy memories as most of my income (I did save as well) could be spent on enjoying myself. Now we have a mortgage, bills, nursery fees etc. Whilst you may be mature for your age at 19 and want to settle down, there is so much out there for you to enjoy and discover and so many new people for you to meet. If you were to get pregnant by accident and not want a termination then I could totally understand. I do think it’s such a shame if you choose to have children at such a young age though. Many people will come on and say that they had children young and have no regrets/wouldn’t change anything and I do believe them. You love your children so much that you wouldn’t regret them... but I do think that you need to make the most out of the freedom you have when you’re young.

LonginesPrime Wed 02-Sep-20 19:28:54

Share away, OP - it's just a goady topic and when not linked to a real-life issue suggests you could be a troll, or worse, a Daily Mail researcher.

I actually think it's sadder if you're canvassing internet randoms to decide on one of the biggest life choices you'll ever make. So if you are genuinely asking for opinions on your own prospective situation, my advice would be that you're likely not ready and should work on your own self-esteem before even thinking about raising a child.

How old are you now?

whiningndwining Wed 02-Sep-20 19:29:19

@minnieok So do you think financial stability is paramount? This is obviously a very rare example, but if you're financially stable at 14/15 and have a lot of training behind you, would you still be in support of that, or does age play a big role to you as well?

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TeenPlusTwenties Wed 02-Sep-20 19:32:39

I think it is a bit young.

I think most 19year olds won't have much experience of life, plus even if they have been with their partner for 5 years, people change a lot until their mid 20s so I think it is risky and I'd be concerned how it would work out.

But if they do it and manage well then good for them.

whiningndwining Wed 02-Sep-20 19:33:03

@LonginesPrime. I happen to be neither of those things haha. I'm not asking Mumsnet to make a decision on my life, and I'm not even directly applying everyone's opinions to my own life - I'm just interested in the opinions or judgements a teen mum may face (or the support!). I like to absorb opinions that aren't directly related to mine, I guess.

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janeo18 Wed 02-Sep-20 19:33:15

Sunshineandsparkle

In my honest opinion, I see it as a great shame. I remember how much I enjoyed my teens and especially early twenties. I enjoy parenthood now and I don’t mind the sacrifices of not having a social life and devoting myself and my time to my dc as I made the most of my years of freedom. I travelled, went out a lot, wasted money on frivolous things, lived and worked in a few different countries. I have so many happy memories as most of my income (I did save as well) could be spent on enjoying myself. Now we have a mortgage, bills, nursery fees etc. Whilst you may be mature for your age at 19 and want to settle down, there is so much out there for you to enjoy and discover and so many new people for you to meet. If you were to get pregnant by accident and not want a termination then I could totally understand. I do think it’s such a shame if you choose to have children at such a young age though. Many people will come on and say that they had children young and have no regrets/wouldn’t change anything and I do believe them. You love your children so much that you wouldn’t regret them... but I do think that you need to make the most out of the freedom you have when you’re young.


Totally agree with this. Children completely change your life and it's hard work. Enjoy your twenties, there is plenty of time for children!

CrypticQueen Wed 02-Sep-20 19:35:52

I’d say why have a child so young? There’s no rush and having fun when/how you like, seeing the world, having kids at roughly the same time as your friends, establishing a solid career ... would all be things I’d prefer to prioritise. Having children young risks making your world smaller IMO. But I agree - each to their own and no hard and fast rule.

whiningndwining Wed 02-Sep-20 19:35:56

@Sunshineandsparkle Thank you for your opinion! I guess I agree on the unplanned pregnancy part, as well as that people who haven't had a lot of life experience might be missing out on the fun / wild bits of being young. If I'm honest, from what I've seen I think the wild times are starting younger (though who knows if they're ending younger, too!) but I definitely get your perspective. Thank you for sharing!

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Laburnam Wed 02-Sep-20 19:36:04

We think we know everything at that age, we know nothing!!
Get some life experiences, career, independence and a partner that is there for the long haul.

Mangofandangoo Wed 02-Sep-20 19:36:20

LonginesPrime

Why do you want random people's opinions though, OP?

How is that helpful?


Oh sod off, because she does. What is the point of that comment 🙄

OP I wasn't a young parent ( I was 29) but I know people that are and they are some of the strongest people I know. If you want to do it, do it🙂

mylittlesandwich Wed 02-Sep-20 19:39:07

I felt like I was young when I had DS. I was 27. I'm glad I waited. It's hard work. Going on holidays and enjoying my teens and 20s was great.
That being said if it's what you want and you feel capable then it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks.

TheFormerPorpentinaScamander Wed 02-Sep-20 19:39:46

I had DS1 at 19. He's 16 now and we have such a wonderful relationship. Thats not necessarily anything to do with the age gap between us though. I wouldn't change it for the world,and can't imagine my life without him (or his brother)

BUT I wouldn't recommend/encourage 19 year olds to have a baby!

whiningndwining Wed 02-Sep-20 19:41:20

CrypticQueen

I’d say why have a child so young? There’s no rush and having fun when/how you like, seeing the world, having kids at roughly the same time as your friends, establishing a solid career ... would all be things I’d prefer to prioritise. Having children young risks making your world smaller IMO. But I agree - each to their own and no hard and fast rule.

@CrypticQueen I mean I guess in this case I need to speak from personal situation - my priority is family. I'm going to get a degree, and pursue work (work dependent on timing / accessibility in the current economic climate) but overall my priority is family, and I think for me personally I would rather have children on the younger side so I can fully dedicate myself to them, and then fully dedicate myself to a career later. That's my genuine perception on my personal circumstances, though may be controversial.

In terms of general teen pregnancy, I'd probably have to agree with you that it may make your world smaller - I'm not necessarily advocating it to a general population, I'm just curious to see if the attitudes to teen pregnancy are changing is all. Just curious for the sake of being curious, I guess haha?

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OnlyFoolsnMothers Wed 02-Sep-20 19:41:38

I’d be devastated if it was my DC- your teens and early twenties at least are for being selfish and to set yourself up, be carefree. You can still have children but once you have children early you won’t get those years back

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