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Finding night times brutal breast feeding

(16 Posts)
JKDcot Sun 23-Aug-20 03:43:00

My son is nearly 12 weeks and I have been breastfeeding around 90% of all feeds. Some formula or expressed milk if we’re out.

I am starting to resent night times so badly. He still feeds every 2 hours which means I am not sleeping at all. My husband can’t take a shift and just happily sleeps his 7-8 hours a night and sorry to say it but it’s just not fair.

Am I horrible to want to just stop breast feeding and move to a bottle just so we can share the work. I am getting so tired and upset that it is all on me

OP’s posts: |
edin16 Sun 23-Aug-20 04:03:06

I can't offer much advice but some solidarity. I'm currently awake with my 12 week old who feeds every couple of hours so I know how tough it is!
My partner tends to take the baby in the morning once he's had a good feed so I get an extra couple of hours alone.

Dilbertian Sun 23-Aug-20 04:08:56

Do you co-sleep? It makes night feeds so much easier.

Magpiefeather Sun 23-Aug-20 04:13:01

Agree about co sleeping - safely of course if you don’t have any risk factors . It has saved me. I latch baby on then drift off to sleep, get loads of sleep as a result!

Malteserdiet Sun 23-Aug-20 04:13:32

Do you co-sleep? I did with mine and found it much easier at night. Generally I would stir as the baby did and then I was able to feed lying down while we were both able to stay half asleep. Neither of us had to wake up fully, get out of bed or put any lights on so it didn’t feel as disruptive to sleep. It is annoying seeing your DH sound asleep next to you on occasions but then I was able to relax or nap during the day when the baby did while he was at work and unable to so I tried to look at it that way and not get resentful. No point both parents being exhausted imho.

AngelaScandal Sun 23-Aug-20 04:31:37

Another co-sleeper here. Although have different problem as 18m DD never learned to sleep outside of bed, away from breast.

HathorX Sun 23-Aug-20 04:41:06

I also shared my double bed co-sleeping as safely as I could with both my DD and later my DS. OH slept in the spare room so I had loads of space. You get to a stage where you don't have to really wake up too much to feed, and baby just drifts back to sleep afterwards too.

I do understand the exhaustion, as my DD went into her cot in her own room at 4 months and I still breastfed up to 11 months after which I was back at work full time.

Personally I did not think it was fair to ask OH to help at night when he had to be awake and alert for drive to work and then a whole day of work ahead of him. But sometimes he would take the baby for a few hours on Friday or Saturday night it was especially hard with my DS whi had severe reflux and really needed to be held to go to sleep, and would wake in a lot of pain as soon as he lay on his back.

MrsMaglev Sun 23-Aug-20 04:43:04

DC2 is almost 11 weeks and the same OP. You're not unreasonable at all to want to stop - sleep deprivation is awful and exhausting. I will say though that with DC1 it got incrementally easier And he did eventually start sleeping longer periods

Lots of sensible advice here on safe cosleeping and getting more rest in the day but wanted to reassure you that it is very very shit and difficult and it's not wrong to want to stop!

TigerQuoll Sun 23-Aug-20 05:04:02

Can you take opposite shifts so that you sleep your 8-10 hours while partner is awake and he deals with any changes and brings baby in to you, where you sit up a little and feed while half asleep, then he takes baby away to burp and settle back to sleep. And maybe alternating that with expressed bottles so you don't have to wake up too often. Then he sleeps and you're awake.

sillybean Sun 23-Aug-20 05:05:55

Totally feel for you OP! It's so tough, even during the day I can feel quite limited as there is a timer on how long I can be away from my baby, although she is only 5 weeks old 🙈

Do you have a spare room? Could you do shifts with your husband?

DH and I do this. He does the first shift sleeping in the room with the snuzpod and our DC in, he only brings her through to me when he can't settle her and he thinks it's hunger. I'm in the spare room getting some quality sleep (I just can't sleep well when I'm in the room with the baby).

I think that's helped her go longer sooner as if it were me in there I'd pick her up and put her on at every grizzle.

I do the second shift where she tends to wake more but I think that's part of baby sleep and feeding that matures last.

RLGGG Sun 23-Aug-20 05:08:45

Here in solidarity OP, currently feeding my 4 week old. I second the PPs regarding co-sleeping. I reached rock bottom on Friday. Was getting next to no sleep, was exhausted, body starting to show real visible signs of fatigue, was feeding and trying to put baby down between 20-30 times a night and he was screaming each time so I was feeding again. Spoke with the infant feeding team for my local NHS trust who straight away asked if I had considered co sleeping. We thought it was a massive no no but she said that 90% of the breast feeding mothers they speak with CS and if planned and well thought out is much safer than the alternatives. 2 nights in now and am finally feeling human again though I know it's early days. Happy to send through the info we were given smile x

eggontoast2 Sun 23-Aug-20 05:17:09

Feeling your pain OP. Currently BF my 12 week old every two hours, although if I'm lucky I get 3-4 hours after he's gone to bed. This is DS2 and it was the same with DS1. As other posters have said it does slowly start to get better. The 4 month sleep regression is just around the corner and that can be disheartening but they all get through it.
Can your husband maybe settle the baby after feeding? My DH is doing this sometimes for me this time around and it does really help to feed and then pass baby over, you can get your head down straight away. It does feel like "it's all on me" and that's a phrase I have used many a time in the morning after a heavy night of BF and watching DH snoring away next to me.
Hang in there if you can but do what feels right for you and your family.

JKDcot Sun 23-Aug-20 15:24:17

Thank you so much for your kind advice. We’ve had a chat today and my husband understands more about how I feel. It’s just lonely isn’t it being responsible all night.

My boy is also becoming more and more fussy about taking a bottle so I’ve realised that is stressing me out too as if he won’t take a bottle I am totally trapped breast feeding.

We’re going to try every night for my husband to do one feed with a bottle and see if we can get into a routine. any advice on how to get my son happy to take a bottle instead of always wanting the breast?!

OP’s posts: |
FizzingWhizzbee123 Sun 23-Aug-20 15:31:08

I used to do the night feed up till 4am, then I’d go off to a separate room and sleep from 4-8am. DH would be in charge for that time and give an expressed bottle (or occasionally formula) during this time. I would stick ear plugs in and white noise on and blow I everything out. These four hours of solid sleep would keep me functional.

Mam bottles have a high acceptance rate with breastfeeding babies, worth trying if you haven’t already?

FizzingWhizzbee123 Sun 23-Aug-20 15:32:08

*block everything out

Ibizababyy Sun 23-Aug-20 23:41:46

Totally feel for you OP. I’m on a very similar situation myself and yesterday had a complete breakdown over how trapped and exhausted I feel. I would Definately do all you can to get baby to keep accepting bottle so you can have breaks when needed. I made that mistake and DS2 is 23 weeks old, bottle refusing and still feeding at least every 2-3 hours round the clock- I feel like I’m slowly dying! He slept until 4 months ish for 7 hours and then 4 hours at night and I thought we had it cracked but this has been going on weeks now with no sign of improving. We are working on his bottle refusal and so far the only break through we’ve had is he seems more accepting of a latex teat over silicon- could be worth a try if you do find baby is becoming fussy.

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