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Is it selfish to not want babysitters?

(11 Posts)
alesha123445 Sat 22-Aug-20 19:32:48

My little girl is 6 months old and ive never had anyone babysit her as I dont work. I'm at the point where ill leave her with my nan and grandad for a break when I'm staying over, ill go upstairs to relax until she needs breastfeeding. A proper break would be nice but the stress of haveing her in a different house would completely ruin the alone time anyway, she's also EBF and will only sleep when nursing. She won't take from bottles but drinks lots of milk during the day.

My partners family are big on babysitting, the nans always have the kids when the mums go to work. My mil expected to have that and to babysit my little one alot despite me not working. at the beginning she would always make comments like "you can go for a meal and ill look after her for a bit". When I was pregnant she wanted to book a table at a restraunt for months ahead so she could have the baby, she even went to book a cottage for her and her husband, me and my partner and our baby (she would of been 2 months) but then cancelled it when I said no. I've had the, give her a bottle and formula so others can have her talk, put her in her own room so she is less dependant on me talk.

She's started to realise that Im not jumping at the idea so hasnt brought it up for a good 2 months, but her sisters have started asking me weather I've left her with anyone, that its nice to get space and insinuating that I should start leaving her with the mil. I was asked infront of the mil if i have left her with anyone yet and I said no. I was the asked "even to go out to the shops?" And I said nah I'd just take her with me then they all looked at each other disappointingly. I'm feeling like I'm being looked at as possessive and a bit selfish with the little one.

I understand she just wants to spend time her grandchild but i take her round every weekend, sometimes on both days for atleast 2 hours and sometimws more. During the week she sees her for about 30mins after work. I dont feel the need to have a babysitter but there's this part of me that feels guilty which I just can't shake. Its like she had all these expectations of what being a nan would be, and its been the complete opposite to what those around her have had.

This is my first kid and tbh im not sure if its selfish or not, I feel like it isn't but then I feel guilty too.

OP’s posts: |
TattyMcBab Sat 22-Aug-20 19:37:12

No. Everyone finds things differently. I never left my children awake with anyone other than my husband until they started nursery at just short of 1. There was a couple of times once they were asleep we would go out in the evening if a relative was staying with ours, but such opportunities have become vanishingly rare.

I worked full time; I’m not a clingy mum, I just felt a deep passionate lead to be my child’s sole career when I could. But I wouldn’t expect to be judgeD for that any more than I’d judge a mum who left their young baby for a night off or day off. Whatever works.

firstimemamma Sat 22-Aug-20 19:42:33

Stick to your guns op. smileEvery parent is different and there's nothing wrong with that. You don't have to change your parenting style to please your MIL.

I hadn't left ds with anyone until he was well over 1 so you're not alone!

BingPot99 Sat 22-Aug-20 19:44:21

The only time you 'need' to start leaving her with others is in preparation for if / when you go back to work (ie to get her used to extended periods with different caregivers and make it easier for her to get used to taking bottles without you around). Until that happens, MIL can build a relationship with DGC by spending time looking after her, playing etc while you have a shower, read a book in another room for a quick break etc.

BingPot99 Sat 22-Aug-20 19:46:18

At such a young age, it really is just about what you as a parent best for you and your DC. Not what MIL wants

Napqueen1234 Sat 22-Aug-20 19:48:12

It’s completely up to you and do whatever your comfortable with. FWIW come 6 months I was so grateful for an evening out (the first time was so weird but so SO nice) so I wouldn’t be pressurised but simply be grateful you have so many willing babysitters! Once they’re 2 and driving you mad you’ll be so so grateful. Just stress that you don’t feel ready yet but equally the longer you leave it the harder it can be. Little and often breaks (a couple of hours at the local pub etc) so wonders for your identity recharge and some couple time if you have a partner. I have a 3 year old and 7 month old and lockdown has killed me and I’m desperate for an evening away from my (lovely!) children.

HanPanPeg Sat 22-Aug-20 19:48:41

6 months is so young and you are still breastfeeding - you have years and years to take advantage of babysitting offers, when you and your baby will get more out of it.

Mylittlepony374 Sat 22-Aug-20 19:49:06

Both my kids were only looked after by me or my husband until they went to creche. Now, they are 2 and 3 and will go to their aunty& uncle's house happily for a day here and there. 2 year old has still never spent the night away from me yet though.
I get a lot of judgement for this fromy husband's sisters. I try really really hard to ignore it, smile& nod at the rude comments and just carry on. My kids, my decision. Don't be forced into doing anything you find uncomfortable. You're her mum, you know best.

DowntonCrabby Sat 22-Aug-20 19:50:47

You don’t have to do anything until you’re ready.

As long as your DH has your back, you’ll be good to keen saying no.

Do say it kindly though as you maybe be grateful of the help one day, it sounds like she’s not too pushy if she’s dropped the subject for a couple of months.

Magissa Sat 22-Aug-20 19:57:22

Don't feel pressurised into leaving your baby. It sounds as if you are happy so carry on! I was the same with my bf babies. I heard all the "making a rod for your own back" rubbish. "Baby will be too dependent on you" Well they all turned out fine! I remember reading a book at the time by Penelope Leach called Children First where she talked about the pressure on mother's to leave their babies and go out. Every mother is different do what's right for you. flowers

spotlovesbedtime Sat 22-Aug-20 20:07:46

Mine are 3.5 and 15 months I have only left the first one for an emergency op, overnight in hospital, so no choice and when I had second child. I don't have the same pressure to leave them with family as you do but I wouldn't want to. Your baby is tiny and needs mum. BF is great, I wouldn't give a bottle just so someone else can look after baby. You aren't selfish, it's your child not theirs! You may find at some point you want to go out and that's fine too but do it because you want to not because they all want you to!

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