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Parents of two and parents of one...talk to me

(53 Posts)
summerinthecity22 Mon 10-Aug-20 14:17:51

Hello... deciding whether to have another baby or not.

My gorgeous DD has just turned 2.

In two minds to try for another baby.

Would love to hear from parents of one and parents of two. Why you are one? What's the positives and negatives? And same with parents of two. I know we can only make this decision but I'd just be intuit hear from other parents....

I don't know whether it's because DD has been sleeping through since she was 18 months and I think it's all so easy now...those early months are long forgotten. I just don't know...

Thank you thanks

OP’s posts: |
QuintusEstInHorto Mon 10-Aug-20 14:20:59

I am definitely in the one and done camp. I feel no broody twinges when I see a new baby and although I'd love my toddler to have a sibling the very thought of starting all over again makes my blood run cold!

CatherinedeBourgh Mon 10-Aug-20 14:24:58

I have two. In total that meant 7 years of night waking.

Worth it every step of the way. They are best friends, have so much fun together. Even now that ds1 is a teenager and ds2 still isn’t.

Findahouse21 Mon 10-Aug-20 14:29:06

I have a 5 year age gap, and was 'one and done' until the month before I conceived dd2. If you have any doubts then I would say proceed with huge caution. It is harder than I thought. The practical things, and dealing with the emotions side of the new baby were easier as I knew they would pass, but I have found it so so hard to not be able to prioritise dd1 all of the time, and lockdown has magnified that 100 times as she's not in school atm

ArriettyJones Mon 10-Aug-20 14:30:30

Once you get past the toddler years, two or more help to entertain each other.

Emmagen Mon 10-Aug-20 14:36:24

We struggled with this. With our first I was so incredibly broody it didn't really feel like a choice, more of a relief that it was finally happening.

With number 2 (who I'm 26 weeks pregnant with) I wasn't broody at all. I love babies and I loved having a baby when DS was smaller but I didn't feel like I needed another.

We went for it in the end as my DH whilst he would have been ok with one he did want our DS to have a sibling. And I thought I would never regret a child but might regret not having one. It also took us well over a year to get pregnant with DS and he was just turning 3 so if we were going to do it we didn't want to wait too long in case it took a while again... pregnant on 3rd month this time! We were rather surprised and then 2 weeks after the positive test social distancing was introduced. It's been an odd pregnancy!

LizzieBlackwell Mon 10-Aug-20 14:37:13

I have three!

Although there is an 18 year gap between dd1 and dd2.

I would say that dd1 was bored easily and grew up needing a lot of attention. However she is very independent now and is amazing.

I had dd2 and then dd3 - three years later. It’s more hectic and sleep is shit for a long time BUT they play lovely and keep each other company. They have a really strong bond and it’s lovely. Holidays are fun because they automatically have some one to play with. Christmas is brilliant because they both feed each other’s excitement. I feel sad that dd1 never experienced that

DorotheaHomeAlone Mon 10-Aug-20 14:38:55

I have 3 but had 2 until 6 months ago so hopefully still qualified to comment! smile

My eldest 2 are 20 months apart Now 4 and 6 they’re thick as thieves. The first year after dc2 arrived was very very hard due to small age gap and colicky dc2. From there it got progressively easier and more fun.

They bicker sometimes but play together nicely much more. They laugh and laugh and live in an imaginary world that grown ups can only really visit. I hope that all three will provide one another with a lifetime of friendship and support even after I’m gone but even if they never spoke again as adults they’ve already benefited hugely.

I think siblings teach one another so much about sharing and compromise and relationships. It’s lovely to watch them grow together.

minipie Mon 10-Aug-20 14:40:40

We have two. DD1 was a difficult pregnancy, awful birth, very hard work baby. It took me to 18 months to face having another. Then I thought we’d better get on with it as once we were past broken nights and nap stress etc I knew we’d never want to go back!

Our DDs are 2.5 years apart, it was very hard work until DD2 hit 2/2.5 but since then I would say the benefits of having two have outweighed the negatives. They play together a lot which is especially helpful on holidays (and in lockdown). Having each other has helped to teach them to share, take turns, wait for parents’ attention.

However there is no guarantee two siblings will get on.

Overall I would say have another only if you really feel like you want another.

Biscusting Mon 10-Aug-20 14:44:36

The early years we’re hard be used of the demands on a newborn with and toddler meant it sometimes wasn’t enough to split yourself in two. Also the logistics of feeding and changing a newborn whilst chasing after a toddler were interesting at times!

Having said that now they play together, and are close, it’s great to watch.

I worried that my bond with the first DC would be affected, and yes it has been in a way, but they also now have a close bond with a sibling which is special too.

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 10-Aug-20 14:44:46

I have one. I didn't want children, DH did and convinced me. Then he didn't want another and I would have had one. <shakes fist>

However, one is perfect. She is interesting, funny and has been a joy during lockdown. Two would have been a bloody nightmare. It's more work entertaining one, but it's less stress with sibling stuff so I think it evens out.

We love travelling so normally it's so easy to have fairly expensive holidays with one. Two would mean more cost.

We also have a dog to keep her busy. And fulfill a lot of the functions of a sibling without the stress!

roundandroundabout Mon 10-Aug-20 14:45:17

I'm one and done. I desperately wanted a son or daughter but when DD arrived that need felt sated. She has a lot of cousins, close in age and geography. We live in a gated development with 5 families with similar aged kids so they play together (all day long at the moment with schools out). Now that she's older I can see that she needs similar age kids to play with, not just her parents. But she has that and is also able to go home and shut the door and be in a calm space where her needs are met. I'm very happy, have time for my work and to follow my interests. We have enough money and can afford holidays.

userabcname Mon 10-Aug-20 14:47:06

I have two, they are 2y4m apart. Currently 3yo and 9mo. I have to say it was an easy decision for us - we knew we wanted more than one and we didn't want to wait too long in terms of age gap. I have to say it's really all been pretty straightforward. Going from 0-1 was a huge adjustment but 1-2 just happened naturally. It's been very enjoyable. It's certainly not double the work. It helps that ds2 is the most laid-back, easygoing baby ever! Now considering a third!

FenDen Mon 10-Aug-20 14:51:04

Name changed for this here as what I’m going to say is horrible - I love my second DC like anything BUT it’s been so hard for my first. They don’t get on. It’s horrible. I’m a permanent ref, my first DC is still struggling many many years later and we all suffer as a result. I knew she was high needs from the start and probably should of factored that in. Individually they are both gorgeous people. Together - and I just sometimes want to leave and so regret having 2. I feel I’m letting them both down.

Mummyofboys88 Mon 10-Aug-20 14:52:11

I have two. 5 year old and a 2 (almost 3) year old. Personally I didn't want my first son to be an only child. Hardest part was the early weeks/months with a newborn and a toddler. Before you realise it, you have a new routine in place and it's fine! Don't get me wrong, I did have a few moments in the first first weeks after DS2 was born,where I thought 'omg, what have I done?!' grin If I had a bigger house....I probably would go for a third!

HopelessSemantics Mon 10-Aug-20 14:57:46

I'm stuck on this too. I was 100% convinced I didn't want another, but husband did.

Now he's here and he's perfect and I want another one and husband doesn't.

I don't think I could cope with pregnancy, childbirth and a newborn plus toddler though.

But I want another.

It's hard.

HopelessSemantics Mon 10-Aug-20 14:59:20

plus no cousins near in age.

But I hated my brother growing up and still do...what if they hate each other too.

Bumpsadaisie Mon 10-Aug-20 15:01:54

When you have two kids aged 36 months and 4.5 onwards, they are both largely out of the non sleeping phase and they play together. You won't have to be the entertainer.

NotGenerationAlpha Mon 10-Aug-20 15:02:29

I have always wanted two. And I have two. I think there are pros and cons and only you and the father knows what you want.

For me they are 9 and 5 and they play beautifully together. During lockdown, DD1 looked after DD2 so DH and I can work. Same as today. We are taking a lot of annual leave over summer but there are days we are both working. We have never done this before and they have always gone to childcare for holidays. But DD1 really is doing a good job (she loves it). Today they have spent all day in the garden, in and out of the paddling pool, lots of toys outside. DD1 can make sandwiches, pour cold drinks out of fridge. If DD2 hurt herself she knows to come and get us.

It’s really great when they have each other as playmates.

NotGenerationAlpha Mon 10-Aug-20 15:03:33

But I hated my brother growing up too. My mum actually commented how well my DDs played together. DB and I apparently never played together.

Friendsoftheearth Mon 10-Aug-20 15:06:26

For me it boils to just a few points to consider (I have two)

- Do you have support? The first few years are tiring.
- Do you have the money and space to accommodate a second?
- Are you a career you would like to get back to quickly? FT childcare is extremely important
- Are you in good health and able to manage another pregnancy?
- Do you have the energy to steer a child from conception to the age of 21 and beyond.

I don't buy into the two children idea that they are always good company and help each other, and are the best of friends (mine get on, but I know plenty of siblings that hate each other)

If you have the resources to make your one child's life enjoyable, comfortable etc then sticking to one is by far the best option.

Life becomes progressively harder, it is easy and fun when they are young (and cute) but you have to remember the years and years of the teenage stage, and the more children you have the harder it will be both in terms of money, energy, emotional drain etc.

Friendsoftheearth Mon 10-Aug-20 15:08:15

**D you have a career

RiverFlowers Mon 10-Aug-20 15:10:54

I have two, DD is 3 and DS is 8 months. It's bloody hard and DS is an "easy baby". They have different needs and different wants and usually both require attention at the same time...

I would say individually, they are fine, it's just together it's hard work. It's really difficult, especially at the moment, to keep them both entertained during the day so it becomes pretty relentless and draining!

I am hoping when DS is older and can play with DD, it will become easier!

Friendsoftheearth Mon 10-Aug-20 15:11:08

I do think those that are raised without siblings have an advantage in many ways, they have more attention, more resources, are usually more academic as they have more help and do not need to compete with siblings for assistance. It is usually a calmer and more orderly home environment, they grow up to be independent, as they have learnt to keep themselves entertained.

All that said I wouldn't change my second child for the world, and they get on great.

PrincessHoneysuckle Mon 10-Aug-20 15:21:21

I have 6 yr old ds and i knew I didn't want anymore straight away and stuck to it.I only get puppy broody these days smile

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