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Feel like a useless mum(10 Posts)
My wee boy is 10 weeks old.
I shouted at my husband this evening in front of the baby and am now really worried I scared the baby 😢
I am breastfeeding with the occasional formula top up. I’ve had various issues with breastfeeding as my son had a tongue tie which was cut a few weeks ago. I have just started to feel like breastfeeding is getting a lot easier but yesterday he fussed all day, kicking his legs and squirming no matter whether on the breast or from a bottle. This really stresses me out as I don’t know why he’s doing it.
Anyway long story short ended up arguing with my husband (I felt he should have been stepping in to try and help me a bit more) and really shouting and then crying while baby bawled. Baby is fussy in the evening anyway and was possibly tired and was crying and crying and then I shouted like that.
I really wish I was a confident breezy type of mum but no I am a useless stressed mum.
Feel like I am never going to get to the point where breastfeeding is easy for me. It goes well for a few days and then we have a fussy day and I just feel it makes it difficult for me to feed in public as it’s hard to know if baby is going to feed calmly or not. I am the only one out of my antenatal group struggling to feed in front of others and having thus fussing and I feel like shit.
I feel like I don’t deserve this gorgeous little boy and that I’ve been horrible to my husband who is trying to be supportive but sometimes doesn’t know what I need.
It's 10 weeks. When was the last time you were an easy, breasy covergirl at something new after only 10 weeks? Never, that's when. Give it time. You're still only a beginner. You don’t know what type of mum you are yet.
And you know what, even if you are a useless mum (which you're not), you're the only mum your son has, so by default in his eyes, you're still the best mum in the world
Yeah, I just feel like it should be a bit easier, and in lots of ways it is, but I feel I let myself down by shouting in front of the baby.
I mean this so politely and with a huge amount of sensitivity - but you are being ridiculous. You are doing absolutely fine by the sounds of things and it is bloody hard being a new mum. If breastfeeding is really stressing you (and I don’t blame you because it stressed me) then switch to formula feeding. You will yell and cry in front of your baby again and it will be ok and your baby will not be scared for life because you’re showing real emotions.
And maybe visit your GP if you are continuing to feel this way.
It’s only been 10 weeks. Your hormones are all over the place, your dh is still getting used to being a dad and learning what to do, You are both short on sleep and it sounds like your baby has wind/colic.
If breast feeding is getting easier, you are doing brilliantly.
I totally feel you! My baby is 24 weeks old now and so you’d think I’d feel like I knew what I was doing...nope! For the majority of the breastfeeding is a breeze and I’m loving it. Then we have a few days where’s it’s hard work, she doesn’t want to feed when I think she’s hungry, when she does want to feed she’s fussy and then I feel like it’s all gone wrong and I can’t do it! And it’s all I focus on and I think I’m a rubbish mum etc etc. Then I go to bed, wake up to a new day and think actually we’re doing really well. Especially in these weird lockdown times when the support from anyone not in our family is so limited!
So 10weeks in, you’re doing amazing!! Also I think it took me til about 16/17 weeks where I felt more comfortable feeding and more confident in getting her latched on quickly. Not to say she wasn’t doing it before, but it was just around those weeks where I thought (majority of the time) we’re doing this!
“ shouted at my husband this evening in front of the baby and am now really worried I scared the baby ”
I shouted at my cat when DD1 was little in my arms, she cried, I cuddled her. She is 4 years old and is not showing any sign of been traumatised by it.
Some babies are calmer than at feeding than others. DD2 would only feed in rugby hold until she was about 9 months. I have big boobs and had to be out and about for DD1. Everyone has seen my boobs now. I was so happy when we managed cradled hold at 9 months but now she is a year and likes to try and feed and walk at the same time.
Stop comparing yourself to others. Parenting is not a competition. Neither is it something you do solo. It’s relationship between you and your child. everybody parents differently because every child is different.
Please be kind to yourself. The fact you are even thinking about this shows you are not a useless mum, you care about your child and your family. The early stages are so, so difficult and nobody will get though them without a blow - up or two!
Don't worry about the shouting. We've got a mischievous dog who sometimes needs shouting at; baby is totally unfazed. Your baby will not be traumatised; in fact he probably stopped being aware of it seconds after it happened.
Don't blame yourself for baby being fussy. They all have fussy days and the heat at the moment makes all babies grumpy. I think the hot weather can also change their feeding habits. Not your fault at all.
You're doing well, give yourself a break. No one will judge you as harshly as your fudging yourself. Most importantly, baby loves you and thinks your fabulous. He just can't tell you yet.
I vividly remember when DS was around 8 weeks that I text my mum to say I was packing my bags and leaving DH.
I can't even remember what over, it was ridiculous.
Sleepless nights and raging hormones will, over the next few months (and years) make you do the most bizarre things.
But a child who will do well in life is not the child who has only been shown happiness and smiles, it is the child who has been exposed to a wide range of emotions and shown how to deal with them.
Motherhood is not easy. It is a bizarre rollercoaster of feelings and emotions and it certainly isn't the glam, easy, wonderful thing it is often made out to be. It's tough, stressful and never ending.
Make yourself a cuppa and breathe.
You're doing fabulous!
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