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I have no friends - how do I cope?

(14 Posts)
uhohbrusselsprouts Wed 05-Aug-20 15:09:19

As the title suggests really.

I am WFH for the next 6 months minimum so will have no interaction with any adults for weeks on end.

I have 2 very young children and a husband who works away. He is away at the moment and not returning until Xmas.

Any superficial friendships I have built up in the past always fizzle out because I work full time and always have the children. I cannot simply do a spontaneous couple of hours at the pub for example. I have no family support whatsoever. I cannot start a hobby in the evenings or weekends because of the kids.

I'm not looking for a solution, just coping strategies really. I am desperately lonely. I see people on video conferences every day, but it's not the same.

There is only so much Netflix / housework / social media (which I have cut down on lots due to it making me miserable) I can do to keep myself occupied.

Thanks in advance.

OP’s posts: |
uhohbrusselsprouts Wed 05-Aug-20 15:11:07

Sorry, I do have one friend, but she doesn't like meeting up with the kids and lives over an hour away anyway, so not like I can just pop round. As I'm never child free I dont get the chance to see her much.

OP’s posts: |
ChaBishkoot Wed 05-Aug-20 15:12:41

Can you not get a babysitter in the evenings and go out when your children are in bed?

uhohbrusselsprouts Wed 05-Aug-20 15:14:13

I would have to make friends before I could do that, which seems impossible right now. As I said, I'm not really looking for a solution to having b no friends, more a solution to coping with it and the loneliness.

OP’s posts: |
katy1213 Wed 05-Aug-20 15:18:56

Are you a military wife? In which case are there no support systems in place?
There must be single mums in a similar position. Could you put word out on social media locally to see if anyone else is interested in child-friendly get togethers at weekends when you're not working? I'm sure Saturdays and Sundays loom very empty for lots of people.

Coriandersucks Wed 05-Aug-20 15:25:17

I’m the same op and it is tough not having a support network nearby. I agree with keeping away from social media, it’s energy sapping. I’ve got into reading books again but expanding my usual crime genre to biographies, short stories, other topics I would normally steer away from. I’ve also started playing the piano again which I’ve not done in years. Having structure to the days has really helped. My children go to nursery a couple of days a week just to give me a break and get some work done do you have that option at all?

uhohbrusselsprouts Wed 05-Aug-20 15:43:27

They go to nursery through the week whilst I'm working, so that's ok - I can do my job whilst being child free. It's just the rest of it I suppose. No one to help when they wake up super early, no one to share any of the mental load or let me walk to the shop for 5 minutes by myself.

After I've got the kids to bed, made packed lunches, done odd jobs that need doing I probably have about 30 mins until I go to bed myself!

I miss my freedom and I miss company - someone to offload onto, someone to laugh with. I have none of that right now and it really sucks :-(

OP’s posts: |
Letsallscreamatthesistene Wed 05-Aug-20 18:07:29

Im a military wife and feel the same. Any friendships I make have a time limit on then because we move every 2 years. Its rubbish, and im sick and tired of being friends with people over whatsapp but never meeting after moving away.

My coping strategy is finding a hobby and sticking to it religiously. No excuses. Ill always do it for my sanity. Can you find a fitness class to go to midday? Or a class/group that meets midday that you could go to? Failing that, if you go on theres babysitters advertised on there. Some are Nannies that also do babysitting. I know its not great to get a stranger over with your kids though.

anicebag Wed 05-Aug-20 18:25:13

You need to get a babysitter and do something regularly in a group setting. Walking club/ anything. It’s not healthy to have no personal outlet. You could become very resentful and it will affect your parenting/ marriage.

Bumblingalong30s Wed 05-Aug-20 18:52:22

I understand a little of how you feel as in normal times my husband works away in the week (but returns at weekends). I find even that hard so I really feel for you being alone till Xmas. It sometimes feels like a lot of pressure being the only adult present. Everything falls on you.

Long term there might be ways to make friends through local Facebook group for parents or apps like Mush. Or if you just want ways to keep yourself less bored in the evenings, one thing I do is play radio or podcasts I’m interested in while I do household jobs. You can stick baby monitor on while they’re in bed and then play podcasts or music you like to feel a bit more yourself.

AintOverUntilTheCatLadySings Wed 05-Aug-20 19:09:27

Whereabouts do you live roughly op? There might be someone on here who is close by and has some suggestions

peajotter Wed 05-Aug-20 19:19:00

That sounds really tough. Normally I’d recommend toddler groups etc but of course they’re not running at the moment. Maybe find the Facebook page for a local group and ask the leader for a shout out asking if anyone wants a weekend play date? I run a group and would def do this for someone in your position. It’s easier to make friends with kids in tow and it’s good to get some adult chat while you’re watching the kids for hours on end. It drives me insane just spending hours with little people. Hope you find something that works for you.

LL82 Wed 05-Aug-20 22:12:14

Try an online exercise /yoga class in the evening when children are in bed. I’ve been doing one in lockdown and have found it helpful and enjoyable x

TigerQuoll Thu 06-Aug-20 22:55:42

What about working in a coop working space? Then you'll see other adults and can chat on your coffee breaks / around the printer etc.

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