DS is four months and before he was born it never occurred to me I wouldn't breastfeed. It didn't work out, I felt dreadful but thought I'd squashed the disappointment and guilt away. The past few days though I've been feeling tearful and upset about it again.
We struggled to get to grips with feeding and I never managed to get him to latch unless I was laying on my side. This was really hard the nights after we came home as I spent the night holding him on the sofa as he wouldn't be put down and then had to squeeze into bed next to DH and either lay with DS on the edge of the mattress, terrified he'd fall or with him between DH and I using one arm to try and stop DH rolling over onto him. At his five day check my milk hadn't come in and the midwife told me I'd have to start supplementing with formula. He just wasn't interested after that - my milk finally came in two days later and I just couldn't get him to latch on.
I don't really know why I'm posting this, but I just feel like crap about it. I feel like I failed at being a mum straight away, I'm sad for DS and I'm sad for me. I can't do anything about it now and we're not having another so I won't get a chance to try again. I just wish I could go back and try again properly.
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Feeling very sad about breastfeeding
3 replies
MintyBear · 03/08/2020 13:16
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