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Feeling very sad about breastfeeding(4 Posts)
DS is four months and before he was born it never occurred to me I wouldn't breastfeed. It didn't work out, I felt dreadful but thought I'd squashed the disappointment and guilt away. The past few days though I've been feeling tearful and upset about it again.
We struggled to get to grips with feeding and I never managed to get him to latch unless I was laying on my side. This was really hard the nights after we came home as I spent the night holding him on the sofa as he wouldn't be put down and then had to squeeze into bed next to DH and either lay with DS on the edge of the mattress, terrified he'd fall or with him between DH and I using one arm to try and stop DH rolling over onto him. At his five day check my milk hadn't come in and the midwife told me I'd have to start supplementing with formula. He just wasn't interested after that - my milk finally came in two days later and I just couldn't get him to latch on.
I don't really know why I'm posting this, but I just feel like crap about it. I feel like I failed at being a mum straight away, I'm sad for DS and I'm sad for me. I can't do anything about it now and we're not having another so I won't get a chance to try again. I just wish I could go back and try again properly.
I'm in a similar situation. My DD was jaundice and I was told to top up breast feeding with formula a few days after birth, after I started that she started to prefer the bottle and at 2 weeks and just wouldn't BF anymore without a huge struggle which ended in us both in tears. She's now FF and I have this awful guilt about it, feel like I should have pushed more but I couldn't justify trying to force her to BF when she didn't want to. At the end of the day a fed baby is a happy baby whether it's FF or BF.
I'm really sad to hear your story, it's hard enough to have a newborn with all the hormones and changes and lack of sleep. I know that midwives and other mums and health professionals are pushing for breastfeeding, but one of the negative impacts of this push is that women who can't breastfeed often feel like they have failed - it's really not a nice start to motherhood.
However, many women can't or wont breastfeed, and things end up being absolutely fine. Formula are much better than they used to be in terms of nutrition. And there are positive things about bottle feeding that some people are struggling to admit.
My only tip would be to try and have lots of skin to skin contact, lots of cuddles, have baths together, lots of gentle face to face chats. I hope you feel better soon, and really you are so not a failure. I can tell by your post that you are a very caring mother.
I'm sorry you feel sad, but lots of mums can't breastfeed for whatever reasons and their bond with their babies is just fine and their babies are perfect. Don't give yourself such a hard time and just enjoy your baby.
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