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horrible 9 yearold dd

(7 Posts)
DiscoFever Mon 01-Oct-07 09:46:24

my 9yo dd is really pushing me to the limit at the moment. Her attitude towards me is disgusting and has tantrums like a 3 year old would have. I try to difuse the tantrums but it is really starting to get me down.

Yesterday was a classic, she was sending an email to a relative but deleted it by mistake and her face screwed up, went red and she started crying. then screaming. I tried to put her in another room and told her to come out when she has calmed down but decided she wasnt having any of that and started pushing me away. i got her in there in the end. My dh had to go out unfortunately to visit his fathers grave (my late fils birthday) and she started crying about that. I explained quite curtly why he was going out but she has such a selfish attitude and really kicked off.

I sent her to her room minutes after my dh had left because i started to get really angry myself and unfortunately i swore at her which is something i cant help doing because i am getting both really frustrated and angry with her .

I ended up in tears yesterday afternoon and so did she. We made up but it all kicked off again at 8am this morning (a favourite of hers - to start playing up first thing in the morning which inevitabley makes me feel really low all day) this time, it was about her cardigan - saying it is too shiny and no, she wasnt going to wear and her hair was all wrong. I kept calm and just hurried her along but i can feel the tension rising in the house. The dynamics are all wrong. I feel like i am being bullied by a 9 year old child!

When we are not in the midst of tantrums etc we are like peas in a pod, really close and do lots of things together. She eats fresh healthy food, knows we love her and adore her and we have fun, its not like i ignore her in any way.

I really feel like walking away just to show her i am not mentally equipt to row to this degree every day and now i am breaking down which is not acceptable. I have taken away pocket money as punishment for this behaviour, not taken her to her favourite club sometimes if she has been vile, the list goes on. I am actually a really quiet person so to argue all the time is totally out of character. am so sad! sad

themildmanneredaxemurderer Mon 01-Oct-07 09:50:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DiscoFever Mon 01-Oct-07 09:53:37

ilove your nickname - it really made me giggle! thanks for advice. it does sound like teenage hormones kicking in early, just my luck!

I started periods at 11 and my mum was 9.

Elibean Mon 01-Oct-07 09:56:27

Agree that 9 can be the start of hormone changes, and not only that but the mental/emotional changes that come with puberty? One of which would be that your dd might be needing to push you away at times, just like a 3 yr old does - in order to figure out who she is as her own person.

My eldest is only 3.8, so I'm going by what I saw and experienced with my neice and friends' LOs, and life experience generally...its hard staying calm and not reacting to a 3 yr old, so I imagine its three times as hard with a 9 yr old.
If I were you, I'd start by forgiving myself for swearing, and pat myself on the back for coming here and asking for help smile

DiscoFever Mon 01-Oct-07 10:37:31

thankyou. i hate swearing at anyone let alone my dd - thankyou. xx

Hassled Mon 01-Oct-07 10:40:25

My DD was pretty awful at 9, and then started her periods at 10 - and continued to be horrible for some time later (sorry). They have adult hormones swirling around when they're still little girls - and apart from that, 9 year old girls can be evil cows to each other. Could there be any friendship/social problems going on at school maybe?

DiscoFever Mon 01-Oct-07 13:02:03

i have asked about possible problems at school but nothing has emerged. you are right tho - some 9 year olds are evil cows! i am so glad i got this problem out - it would have eaten at me all day. I do feel a little bit of resentment towards dh in all this as he doesnt get it half as much as i do and when i do, he mainly justs listens to it unfold and needs to stand up for me more.

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