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Parenting

Almost 8 and won't poop in toilet

78 replies

2cats2kids1manchild · 25/07/2020 09:10

My daughter is turning 8 in a few months and still won't poop in the toilet. She is ok with wees during the day and has been day trained since around 3ish. She used to suffer from constipation when she was little and that isn't a problem anymore. She will only poop in a nappy or pull up. She is still wet at night so wears a nappy to bed . So she mostly waits until night nappy is on and then goes in it or she will go first thing in the morning in her nappy. We have tried rewards bribery and taking away the nappies but she will just hold it for days and make herself sick. We can't even get her to sit on the toilet with a nappy on which is what her paediatrician advise us to do. She has no other issues aside from being very stubborn and sometimes defiant. My husband and I can't even have a few days away without the kids because his mother refuses to change our daughter when she poops. And our daughter will only let my husband and I change her anyway. I feel like a failure as a mother and don't know how to fix this. Most people I know who have kids who refuse to poop in the toilet their kids work it out by 5 or 6 at the latest

OP posts:

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Bitchinkitchen · 25/07/2020 09:11

At 8, if she insists on shitting in a nappy i would be making her change it herself. Let her get on with it.

TomDelongeSaidSo · 25/07/2020 09:11

What? Just say no more nappies, you say she has no additional needs so why are you allowing her to wear them?

Just put them all in the bin!

TomDelongeSaidSo · 25/07/2020 09:12

After a few accidents that she has to clean up herself she will use the toilet!

bluesapphirestars · 25/07/2020 09:12

troll

2cats2kids1manchild · 25/07/2020 09:13

She won't clean herself up. We have tried many times. She ends up making more mess and most of the time she will refuse and I'm not leaving her in a shitty nappy.

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2cats2kids1manchild · 25/07/2020 09:14

Wow thanks for the support . Being called a troll

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FredaFrogspawn · 25/07/2020 09:17

This might be genuine but please be aware OP that there are trolls who use this forum to try and talk about fetishistic stuff.

We are wary of posts with this content because of that.

Bitchinkitchen · 25/07/2020 09:17

@2cats2kids1manchild

She won't clean herself up. We have tried many times. She ends up making more mess and most of the time she will refuse and I'm not leaving her in a shitty nappy.

She's 8! You're the parent, she's the child, she does as she's told. If she chooses to shit her pants, she stays in shitty pants until she changes them.

Sit her down. Tell her you're not changing her nappy anymore. Tell her it's past time she learns to use the toilet like a normal person. Throw all the nappies out, buy her new knickers, show her how to use the washing machine and let her get on with it. DO NOT GIVE IN. If she really doesn't have any additional needs, then she's just being a brat about this and needs to be put in her place. If she's truly incapable, then take her to the doctor.

2cats2kids1manchild · 25/07/2020 09:17

@TomDelongeSaidSo

What? Just say no more nappies, you say she has no additional needs so why are you allowing her to wear them?

Just put them all in the bin!

because if we do she will just hold it for days. We tried and she held on to her poop for almost a week which made her sick and she even stopped eating. We have even taken her to a psychologist and they recommended that we allow her to go in the nappy and that it will pass but 2 years later she is still not going in the toilet.

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NellieandRufus · 25/07/2020 09:17

Has the paediatrician suggested why she’s still wet at night?

Other than some children with additional needs, it’s not usual for an 8 year old to need a nighttime nappy.

Queenoftheashes · 25/07/2020 09:18

My friend has this issue although the kid was more like three. She told him one day no more nappies and he had to get over it.

TomDelongeSaidSo · 25/07/2020 09:19

Then let her hold it in. It comes out eventually.

You have to just bite the bullet. You are enabling her issues!

2cats2kids1manchild · 25/07/2020 09:19

@NellieandRufus

Has the paediatrician suggested why she’s still wet at night?

Other than some children with additional needs, it’s not usual for an 8 year old to need a nighttime nappy.

We have been to a urologist and ruled out any other physical issues. The constipation isn't a problem anymore so that isn't contributing to her being wet at night. They said it's not an issue until 8 or 9.

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Bitchinkitchen · 25/07/2020 09:20

@2cats2kids1manchild dripfeed about the psychiatrist - does she have a history of trauma/abuse? Is there even the slightest chance that she might be being sexually abused? This can cause toileting issues in children, is she getting regular counselling?

stretchedmarks · 25/07/2020 09:20

People are accusing you of being a troll because you won't parent your daughter. If she has no additional needs, to put it bluntly, you need to catch a grip.

She's 8. So goes to secondary school in a few years. Do you really want her to be going in a nappy? Her not be able to sleep over at her friends house because you need to change her in the morning? She will get bullied relentlessly.

You need a week where she is off school and your husband is there and just crack on with it. She'll have tantrums but ultimately will thank you for it in the future. No more nappies and be prepared for a week of washing.

I'm sorry my response is harsh but you need to put an end to it. You're limiting your daughter by not pushing through with it.

NellieandRufus · 25/07/2020 09:21

If she was given a mild laxative (dose recommended by GP) then she wouldn’t be able to hold it for a week. If there’s truly no issues I’d probably just say no more nappies and take this route. However, she’s also wet at night hence my previous question about why.

AnnaMagnani · 25/07/2020 09:22

Throw out all the nappies, let her get on with it and if she is holding on treat the constipation so she can't withhold?

2cats2kids1manchild · 25/07/2020 09:22

@FredaFrogspawn

This might be genuine but please be aware OP that there are trolls who use this forum to try and talk about fetishistic stuff.

We are wary of posts with this content because of that.

Oh wow. Really? That is really weird . I came here looking for genuine advice. I had another account a few years back but forgot the login so this is a new account. I can see then why it looks like I'm trolling.

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AugieMarch · 25/07/2020 09:23

Does she have additional needs? Is this the only area where she has age-inappropriate behaviour (I mean the pooping in nappies; some children just aren’t dry at night until around 8)? It seems very unusual to me (my dis has autism and had some unusual toilet behaviours until around 7.5 so I can relate to this experience somewhat) and I think would warrant seeing a paediatrician.

User24689 · 25/07/2020 09:25

Have you tried bribing with a massive reward? My DD went through this after toilet training at 3 and we eventually said if she was a big enough girl to poo on the toilet she could have a big girl bike. It worked. Anything that she really wants that would be an incentive?

alicequartz · 25/07/2020 09:26

Does she go to school?

FattyBoom · 25/07/2020 09:26

How long ago since you took her to the doctor/psychiatrist OP? I might be reading this wrong but it looks like one of them at least was a couple of years ago? My first port of call would be to revisit them both ASAP for help as it is really not normal at 8

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2cats2kids1manchild · 25/07/2020 09:27

@stretchedmarks

People are accusing you of being a troll because you won't parent your daughter. If she has no additional needs, to put it bluntly, you need to catch a grip.

She's 8. So goes to secondary school in a few years. Do you really want her to be going in a nappy? Her not be able to sleep over at her friends house because you need to change her in the morning? She will get bullied relentlessly.

You need a week where she is off school and your husband is there and just crack on with it. She'll have tantrums but ultimately will thank you for it in the future. No more nappies and be prepared for a week of washing.

I'm sorry my response is harsh but you need to put an end to it. You're limiting your daughter by not pushing through with it.

I understand and I'm embarrassed enough to be having a child still doing this. I know I haven't been firm enough with both of my kids. I'm a younger Mum, my husband is not supportive and both of my kids are very difficult. I feel like it's easier to give in sometimes. I know this has gone on for long enough and I really thought something would just click and she would decide to use the toilet by now. Thank you for your advice I appreciate it

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2cats2kids1manchild · 25/07/2020 09:28

@FattyBoom

How long ago since you took her to the doctor/psychiatrist OP? I might be reading this wrong but it looks like one of them at least was a couple of years ago? My first port of call would be to revisit them both ASAP for help as it is really not normal at 8

yes it's been about 2 years.

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2cats2kids1manchild · 25/07/2020 09:29

@alicequartz

Does she go to school?

Yes she is. She holds her poop until she gets home . No issues at school for that reason.

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