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When did you decide to have another?

(22 Posts)
summerinthecity22 Thu 09-Jul-20 07:30:38

Hello...

My DD is now nearly 2 and I've been thinking whether to try for another baby. I don't know whether it's because she's now sleeping through the night and I think it's suddenly now so easy !!! But I was just when others thought about having another?
The only thing is though... I'm now 42! So I could be too late to have another 😏

Anyway I'm totally unsure. I feel like DD gets all my attention and it's enough but think it would be nice for her to have a brother or sister...

OP’s posts: |
OnlyFoolsnMothers Thu 09-Jul-20 07:40:30

Currently pregnant with number 2, I knew:
- I’m not the type of mother who could handle 2 under 2
- I knew I didn’t want a huge age gap that would make it so much harder mentally to go back to those demanding baby/toddler years
- I didn’t want to be paying 2 sets of nursery fees
- I wanted my DD to have a sibling they could do the same activities with

They will be just over 3 years apart and 4 school years.

Having said that I’m a little younger, and I know my neighbour was waiting for the “perfect time”; now 42 she’s struggling to conceive her second.

QforCucumber Thu 09-Jul-20 07:43:12

I've just had ds2. We originally wanted a 3 year gap but after falling pregnant quite quickly we had a terminal diagnosis at a scan....so that wasnt meant to be, instead DS1 turned 4 in March and DS2 was born 3 weeks ago. So far it's been brilliant, older one understands a lot more and is able to help.

Aroundtheworldin80moves Thu 09-Jul-20 07:45:47

When DD1 turned one.
There's 20.5 months between them. It's worked for us. It's been especially good over the last few months as they've had a comrade. (They have turned 7&9 during this).

Roselilly36 Thu 09-Jul-20 07:51:46

When DS1 was 4 mths old I knew I wanted another baby, I was pregnant by the time of his first bithday. The best decision ever, they are 19 & 17 now and very close brothers.

AmandaHoldensLips Thu 09-Jul-20 07:53:49

I didn't decide when to have the second. My ovaries got the first punch in. 12 month age gap. shock

user1493413286 Thu 09-Jul-20 08:01:40

We decided to try once DD turned 2; I’d been ready for a while but knew realistically that I wanted DD to be as close to 3 as possible so she was a bit more independent and (if Covid hadn’t happened) would be at nursery. I always knew I wanted two and from when she was about 18 months something clicked for me to really want another.

Tonic54 Thu 09-Jul-20 08:04:15

I have a 27month old and a 6week old. I have found it quite difficult and at times wish we had waited till the toddler was older.😬

passthemustard Thu 09-Jul-20 08:20:36

@summerinthecity22

I'm also 42. Currently pregnant with number 5. My others are older though, and there's between 3 and 4 years between them all. Oldest is 20 next year.

But at our age we don't really have the luxury of waiting. If you're going for it, go for it now! 😬

inthethickofit19 Thu 09-Jul-20 08:30:42

Exactly 25 months between mine. The first year was tough, not because of having two but because my second has CMPA and severe silent reflux. He cried non stop till he was 7/8 months. That's slowly got better but his baseline is still pretty rubbish.

We've been v lucky that my eldest coped well and has always been independent (as much as he can be).

Now the second is 14 months it's got easier and easier. His reflux is still bad and has multiple food allergies same as the eldest but they can entertain each other a bit which is a plus!

inthethickofit19 Thu 09-Jul-20 08:32:21

Sorry I didn't answer your question! I knew I always wanted at least two two and as soon as I felt my eldest got easier around 14/15 months (similar food and reflux issues) we decided to go for it ASAP. Fell pregnant straight away when eldest was 17 months.

Ragwort Thu 09-Jul-20 08:34:28

Never grin , very happy with one.

DorotheaHomeAlone Thu 09-Jul-20 08:53:45

Always knew we wanted 2 fairly close together as we both have siblings within 2 years of us and loved it. Mine are 20 months apart. First 8/9 months were very difficult (particularly as dc2 was tricky). Now they’re 4 and 5 and thick as thieves.

Had my third 3.9 years later and that gap would have been easier for me if it weren’t for Covid 19. She’s still a baby but I sense she will always be there baby’ to the other two - they love her but she won’t be a playmate in the same way.

mindutopia Thu 09-Jul-20 10:35:26

At 42, if you want another, I would get going with it now.

For us, it was when first one was nearly out of nursery so that we wouldn't have to pay for 2 in nursery when I went back to work.

summerinthecity22 Thu 09-Jul-20 11:11:18

Thank you so much for all your replies daffodil

So much to think but you're right I need to not think too much!!

I turn 42 in a few weeks 😩

Good to hear from some older mums.

I don't know whether I'm feeling like I could go through it all again - as I've forgotten!!!! The long late nights......but it does go fast !

Oh decisions decisions

OP’s posts: |
LolaLollypop Thu 09-Jul-20 11:14:29

I wanted between 2.5-3 years between my two. Amazingly I fell pregnant with no2 on first attempt so we have 2yrs 5 months between them. It's bloody hard work!! confused Not quite 2 under 2 but with lockdown on top it's been exhausting. Getting a bit easier now DD1 is back at nursery and DS2 is a bit bigger.
I am looking forward to when they can play together. I'm thinking of the long game grin

2155User Thu 09-Jul-20 11:17:56

DS is 22 months.

Something clicked around 20 months that we wanted another so have just started trying

jennymac31 Thu 09-Jul-20 11:33:10

I knew that I wanted 2 kids and knew that I couldn't afford 2 sets of nursery fees, so anticipated a 4 year gap and fortunately that's how it turned out. Had DC1 at age 33 and DC2 at age 37.

summerinthecity22 Thu 16-Jul-20 07:10:20

If I start trying now - I might be 43 by the time I've had the baby!!!

Oh dear!

I'm still unsure. Thanks everyone for your replies smile

OP’s posts: |
happymummy12345 Thu 16-Jul-20 08:15:29

We always knew we wouldn't have another until our first was settled at school. He starts j. September so won't be ttc for a year or so at least

DoraDont Thu 16-Jul-20 11:25:37

If you want another baby you need to try now. I had my first at 40 and then two losses at 42. Needless to say, once I'd recovered from those (the second was particularly traumatic) I was heading into peri-menopause and, bar a couple of chemical pregnancies, it never happened. I am still very sad about it six years on.

I wish I'd tried sooner after DD tbh, although DH reminds me that I was knocked sideways with a demanding toddler and working f/t, so the last thing we felt like doing at the time was adding another baby into the mix. Having a large age gap is not a luxury afforded to older mothers unfortunately. Good luck if you decide to go ahead.

Dyra Thu 16-Jul-20 12:11:03

I've known since DD was born that I definitely want a second. Potentially a third should finances allow!

As with PP, I definitely don't want 2 under 2, so won't even dream about trying until DD is 15 months. However, I struggled with conceiving DD (3 achingly long years) so that's always at the back of my mind. But I stand firm atm. Just in case a miracle happens, and DC2 is conceived a bit quicker than expected. Time is slightly on my side as I've only recently turned 34, but I know things (theoretically) get tougher post 35.

Ideally I'd like a nearly 3 year gap, which would be a 2 school year difference (DD born early September). I certainly won't be able to afford two sets of nursery fees for very long, so the closer we get it to DD having her free nursery hours, the better.

GL with the TTC.

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