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Struggling to enjoy being around my baby(11 Posts)
First post on here but have been a long time lurker in the shadows.
In December I gave birth to my second child, it turned out when he was born he had a life threatening condition and an operation at 22hours old to fix it. Since then we have had to spend multiple stays in hospital (he had 11 operations in 20 weeks). We are now 9 weeks clear of any hospital admissions which has been lovely.
The problem is he is the most miserable baby. He cries and cries all day long unless you have 100% focus on him. He has an older brother who is almost 4 who was and is the most laid back easy going child, however I am just really struggling with DS2. He's fine if we are out the house but I work from home and I physically can't spend every second of the day out of the house especially with all the Covid stuff going on.
He cries when he's hungry, tired, he's screaming as soon as he wakes up from a nap too. He's awake at 5am and goes to bed around 8pm so it's a very long day to feel like my focus has to be on him the whole time.
I feel terrible to admit it but life was so lovely and easy before he came along and now the whole world has been turned upside down and I'm struggling to enjoy him (obviously I love him a lot, he's just difficult!)
Please tell me I'm not alone and I'm sorry for rambling I just needed an outlet!
How is the baby's father supporting you in this?
How is his napping too? You mentioned up at 4 and bed at 8.
Their dad is great, he takes the boys once he's home from work while I cook tea and whenever I need, bit DS2 is very clingy to me so will only put up with being with him for a little while before he kicks off wanting me again.
His naps can range anywhere between 15 mins and 2 hours. Generally 3 times a day there's no real rhyme or reason how long they are and I never know what I'm gunna get till he wakes up again, but once he's awake there's no getting him back to sleep for atleast 2 hours
Is he in pain from all his operations?
Just to say, I sympathise. My 3 month olds daytime naps have gone to shit and hes gone from a happy boy to an overtired mess. Im also struggling to enjoy being around him.
Letsallscream he should t be, he was born without an oesophagus (tracheoesophageal fistula) so the 1st was the initial repair and then frequent dilations of the tube, I took him to an osteopath yesterday in desperation but he couldn't seem to find a huge amount of anything to explain the constant whinging. My mother-in-law was supposed to be having them tomorrow so I could get some work done but she's cancelled and I actually felt a bit of dread that I'm going to have to entertain him all day again and I really hate feeling this way!
I really really feel for you. My second DC was in the NICU for two weeks and then developed a rare autoimmune disease a few months later - diagnosis and treatment required quite a few intrusive procedures . Theoretically he was “cured” within a month, but he screamed all night for about four months after.
It was utterly, utterly miserable. I remember putting him down in his cot at midnight one evening, after hours and hours of crying, and going to outside into the garden to scream myself - it was a very bleak time.
I got through it with a lot of help! We saw a cranial osteopath who specialised in babies for a few sessions, and went to a brilliant baby massage class with the most amazing doula/ex midwife who was wonderful. My theory being that the baby had gone through a lot of trauma and needed help releasing/processing it all. I also saw a counsellor to talk about what had happened, because it was a trauma for me too. All of that might sound very “woo” but it helped enormously to acknowledge and talk about what we had both been through.
And amazingly he has grown into an in incredibly happy and very affectionate child. He is optimistic and easy going - not something I could have ever predicted when he was a baby!
Good luck OP - what you are going through sounds incredibly hard. Get any help you can, and please try to believe that it will get better...
Oh, this sounds so tough. You have all my sympathy.
Like a previous poster, I wonder if he’s traumatised from everything that’s happened to him. Also, is everything medically resolved now? I only ask because a friend’s little boy had issues with his oesophagus and the medics insisted everything was fixed, but a scam at nearly two years old revealed that some of his organs were in the wrong place and he needed another operation. It’s a mystery how this wasn’t picked up earlier (at a top London teaching hospital, no less), as he had had numerous scans and operations previously.
It must be extra tough right now. Can MIL come another day soon to give you a break?
Does he have reflux/feeding issues from his condition?
My friends baby had something similar at birth which was corrected with operations etc. As a result he had major pain from reflux and developed a cmp allergy (thought to be because of the antibiotics etc)
Thankyou all so much for your replies it's made me teary just knowing there's others who have felt the same!
I have beeb diagnoses with PTSD and really want to go and talk it through with someone but obviously with the current climate it's difficult and I'm not very good over video link. It's definitely something I'd like to do though as although the flashbacks are rare now I do feel as though I could do with working through it all.
And I guess that's probably a bit how he's feeling too I hadn't really thought of it that way, it was a cranial osteopath I saw Monday but I just didn't feel he did a huge amount, he wants me to go back next week so maybe il try one more session and see what happens.
Because of his condition he will suffer from reflux but he's medicated for it and apart from when he outgrew his dose he has never shown any signs, he's also comfort milk as seems to get a lot of trapped wind especially overnight. Tonight he's been up every hour and just taken a 7oz bottle and I couldn't tell you the last time he fed overnight so maybe he's having a growth spurt or something who knows!
I've taken so much comfort in your kindness so I am really grateful, I was a little scared of posting on here in case I got a bashing but I'm glad everyone has been so lovely x
Bless you. You sound like a very stressed very loving mum.
I'd definitely look into cmpa just in case, my baby was miserable all the time and it was silent reflux/trapped wind caused by cow milk protein.
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