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Husband made redundant - desperate for newborn parenting advice!(17 Posts)
I am 6 months pregnant and we've just found out my husband has been made redundant. We're not sure he'll be able to quickly get a new role in this job market, and if he does, he won't be eligible for any paternity leave as he won't have been in a job long enough. We were previously planning to have 3 months of shared parental leave together at the start.
Our options are:
1. He tries to get another job, with the knowledge that he will have the stress/exhaustion/focus of a new job around the time we have our baby. He would barely get time off with the baby. However, we are financially in a much better position with this option.
2. He puts off the job hunt for now and we enjoy the first few months of the baby with him unemployed. Obviously in theory it would be lovely to share this experience and as a first time mum I'd be grateful for the support, but in practice, I'm not sure what it would actually be like? Would it be too full on to have 2 of us at home, sleep-deprived, in a small flat, just after lockdown? And obviously the financial implications are huge. We could manage, just, but it would be a stretch.
Without having any sense of what having a newborn is like, neither of us is sure what option is better! We want to have a secure financial set up for our little one, but we also want to make sure that my hubby is involved in the early weeks, and that we're not doing something that would put extra strain on us as a couple.
What would you do? Would you rather have the present partner, or the financial security? And for those who have had partners at home for an extended period of time, is it a bit stressful, or just a huge help?
I'm feeling very anxious so would be so grateful for any advice or opinions! Thanks everyone xx
1 get him out the House. I couldn't be doing with it, all couped up and no income.
Whilst in normal times I'd rather have the time together, at the start of a likely recession I think it's worth starting the job hunt ASAP.
Could you go back to work after e.g. 8 weeks to take financial pressure off?
I found having help (partner at home) for the first 4 weeks really valuable. Bringing food, drinks, hold baby while having a shower, cook dinner.
It doesn't take two people to look after a baby although I can see that the support would be nice. I would say that option1 is the one to go for. What are your arrangements ? How long is your paid mat leave?
I agree with PP. I had my partner at home with me for the first 4 weeks and found it invaluable. It set us up for a very equal input into looking after a newborn (formula feeding)
He needs to work. Even three- four months of work before baby would help. You can both still share leave, he could just take his later when the little one is a bit older.
My baby is 18 weeks old. My husband took 3 weeks paternity then was furloughed and has only just gone back to work last week so 17 weeks off in total. Hes got to spend so much time with our baby and honestly I've loved every single minute. When he returned last week I was gutted. I know our situation is different as he was being paid but in your shoes I would 100% prefer to have him at home. If you can afford it then go for it, its precious time you will never get back. X
I’d go either with option 2,
Or option 3:
He gets a temporary part time job just to be bringing in some money.
I'd go for option 1. Whilst a new employer might not grant him paid paternity leave, they may be open to allowing him pre-booked annual leave or even unpaid leave. No harm comes from asking x
Definitely get into work. It will be so much easier now than when you are both struggling with a new baby. It’s great if he is in a position to take a couple weeks off when baby is born (dh took unpaid time off as he’s self employed and doesn’t get any paternity leave).
But really it would have been a nightmare having both of us home for several months. After a point, you’ll want you space and to get on with things and not feel like you have to do everything all together all the time.
Plus having money means you both have a lot more flexibility. You could save up money so he could take parental leave later (I think everyone gets 8 weeks unpaid every year if they want it).
I would go with option 1 and have him try to get a new job now.
First off, it may take time for him to find something anyway - so if he waits to even start, that situation could become financially problematic. During the early days - when your sleep will be disrupted - that could also feel really stressful for both of you. It's also possible that he may get lucky and find a job with an employer that offers more paternity leave than the statutory entitlement (or may be willing to offer some flexibility).
I had my baby (now 12 weeks) on my own, and my take on the early days is that it's much easier to have a second person around some of the time, but perfectly manageable if you don't have someone available all of the time. So, if he had to be at work a fair bit, you'd be fine, I'm sure.
I'd say try and get a job asap. It is easier with two of you in the early days but as the pp says it's not always necessary all the time.
If he has a job he can always take unpaid leave which will still be easier financially than being employed for the long term.
Your lives with be easier with less financial stress.
I would help him get another job. It sounds lovely to have him at home, but wouldn’t you both be worrying all of the time? It would spoil the early days IMHO.
I would advise him getting a job as you don't know how long it would take. He can always book some annual leave in. My DH had to use 2 weeks of annual leave with both children as he wasn't in his job long enough to claim pat leave (2 different jobs).
Will you have any help from family? As if you end up with a C section then you could be a bit sore for a little while & are not supposed to lift the baby. A lot of newborns sleep most of the day so you should be able to shower/eat during a nap or you can rest if you've been up in the night. If you have family help then they can watch baby whilst you sleep & just generally offer another pair of hands.
If breastfeeding then it will be just you doing night feeds unless you combi feed or formula feed in which case it is nice to share the load with your DH. We combi fed so most evenings I went to bed 9pm to get a chunk of sleep with DH doing the midnight feed with expressed milk via bottle & I would do the feed afterwards at approx 3am. Worked with both of our babies but obvs not all babies are the same & some don't go to sleep easily or feed at time intervals etc.
It's a difficult choice but ultimately your DH having a job is the best long term outcome. Is part time an option like someone above suggested?
I’m sure any new employer will be sympathetic to his situation and let him take some leave.
I had a month off with my wife as our DD was in NICU for a couple of weeks, when we were all home it was nice. But imo newborns need their mums around so as a partner he needs to support you however he can.
Now I am furloughed and have been for three months I am doing the bulk of childcare and really love. Now our daughter is 14 months old it’s much easier for both of us to swap childcare responsibility
I’d say get a job now and book off a nice big chunk of leave within the first year. Best of luck with baby - enjoy it
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