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Newborns - how are you managing family visits at this time?

(18 Posts)
Joelle345 Wed 24-Jun-20 13:04:44

I did post this in Pregnancy but there wasn't much traffic - so it's probably best suited in Parenting section anyway.

If you are due early July, or maybe you've just had your baby, what are you planning regarding family visitors, and grandparents holding the baby?

I'm due next two weeks and trying to work out what to do. I've had comments from my parents (quite passive aggressive) saying they don't suppose they'll ever get to meet the baby, and I also have some rather overwhelming PIL who are both very emotional and ready about not seeing us during the last few months, and the prospect of not meeting the baby straight away. Midwife suggests sticking to Zoom and looking through the windows until the first vaccinations at least. I don't know if grandparents will tolerate it or if we should be worried about it anyway. My gut says I don't want people breathing on my baby just yet.

Just wondering, what with this week's new government guidance, what other new families are doing about grandparents and visits.

OP’s posts: |
Laylor Wed 24-Jun-20 13:37:56

I had my baby 3 weeks before lockdown so grandparents got to see but since then they've not been allowed near. They look through the window or come in the garden but that's it

It's incredibly difficult and my boy dosent recognise anyone other than me and husband. Makes me ever so sad but they have all the time in the world to catch up and spend time with him when all this is over. Hang on in there x

MamaFirst Wed 24-Jun-20 13:42:16

Such a hard situation, I feel for you. I have a couple of months to go yet, but... Who knows how long this will go on for.

Unless they and you are equally shielding, I wouldn't risk it, as harsh as that seems. If they are going out to work, shopping trips etc, then personally, no. I would be happier opening my bubble up to them if they aren't actually going anywhere beyond a social distance walk, and are working from home, ordering shopping online etc.

Bol87 Wed 24-Jun-20 13:46:58

I had a baby two days before lockdown. My mum & dad got to hold her a couple times in those days but in-laws didn’t meet her until 10 weeks when they made a 5 hour round trip in a day to see us in the garden. We did let them have a cuddle.

Luckily, you will be able to see family indoors by July, so that’s a positive! Or if you’d prefer the garden, hopefully it’ll be fairly warm! We are meant to still be SD so if that’s what you want to do, stay firm & say you’ll come round (or them to you) but baby will be staying with you. And if you want to leave it a few weeks until baby is a little older, then that’s your choice. Just ignore & don’t respond to family being rude. If they love you, they should respect your decision.

Bol87 Wed 24-Jun-20 13:48:50

Ps. Your midwives advice about not meeting family until the first vaccines is bizarre! The vaccines don’t protect against Corona?! Is your midwife suggesting that in normal times, no-one should meet babies until they are 8 weeks old?! confused

Temple29 Wed 24-Jun-20 13:52:39

I have a couple of months to go still but I don’t intend on having anyone come to see the baby when he’s born if the virus is still around. I assume it will still be an issue by then.

No family members of mine and DH have been keeping to themselves through the entire lockdown so that’s a major factor for us. But family members aren’t happy they may not see baby for a while but I’m not happy to risk it.

Rosesanddaisies2020 Wed 24-Jun-20 13:55:18

My baby is 12 weeks old now and nobody apart from myself and husband have held her. I'm starting to struggle now as my mum is desperate to hold her. It is hard to to know when the government will permit grandparents to hug grandchildren... xx

Joelle345 Wed 24-Jun-20 14:25:54

Neither parents or in laws are local- both about 2-3 hours away, so we wouldn't just say 'pop round to look in the window' anyway. If we do meet up ever, then I wouldn't feel comfortable with them in my home- DH family didn't follow lockdown rules and will all be going out to work and meeting up with friends etc. Knowing what I've learnt about the virus, being sat face to face in an enclosed space for hours just feels reckless with a newborn baby, and DH and I are both asthmatic.

The meeting up in a park idea would be better, but it's whether they could help themselves not hugging the baby and staying distanced. I get a sense my MIL would cry about it and possibly just rush to lean in for a cuddle spontaneously.

I can't imagine what it's like being a grandparent and it must be heartbreaking for them. But I feel my own parenting instinct kicking in and I feel that should trump grandparents' wishes, as sad as it may be.

The challenge is that the official advice is not very clear (well it's basically non-existent and all down to interpretation of the situation) so to explain our boundaries to the GP's I have to say how I feel rather than quote from a government rulebook, which would be easier - iyswim. The danger then is that they think we are being OTT / precious about it, or that we are being unreasonable. But I guess I have to just let them think that if they wish.

OP’s posts: |
CrazyKitkatLady Wed 24-Jun-20 15:08:42

I’m due in a week and we have told family on both sides we don’t want visitors for a couple of weeks, after that they can visit in the garden but no cuddles, still distanced.
Some of them will find it harder than others to keep to but it’s our baby our rules. The baby won’t know any different and the adults should be mature enough to respect the boundary!
If cases continue to decline I expect we’ll relax it a little bit but we wanted to prepare the grandparents for the worst ahead of time so we’re not having the conversation when we’re exhausted!

LightDrizzle Wed 24-Jun-20 15:13:19

I don't know if grandparents will tolerate it

- well luckily they aren’t the decision makers here; you and the father are, with either of you having right of veto when it comes to safety issues in my view.

MamaFirst Wed 24-Jun-20 16:14:00

It is complicated with the rules changing, but I think they actually are clear. They've said people can come inside your house, even sleepovers etc can happen, but social distance still has to be maintained if they are not in a support bubble with you - ridiculous lip service in my mind, but there we go! So in other words, the law remains that they cannot touch you or your child. Personally I would be straight and tell them it's too high a risk you are not willing to make, they are working, socialising etc and your baby will be a newborn and highly vulnerable. No, just no.

Keyboard91 Thu 25-Jun-20 16:05:33

My baby was born 5 days before lockdown, but came home from SCBU the day before. He’s never cuddled anyone but me and DH, or seen inside any buildings other than home, GP and hospital. We have now gone and met people outside and everyone has been very understanding that I am not comfortable handing him over yet (and I really didn’t expect certain people to be). So you may find that family are more understanding than you think. And at least you’re having baby a little bit later into this than I did, so shouldn’t be as bad or as long hopefully. But do what feels right for you, it’s pretty much what everyone else is doing now! Once baby is in your arms you will start getting a sense of what you are and aren’t comfortable with. And share that with people, before you meet via a text if it’s easier. Others that had babies around the same time as me have allowed short outdoor cuddles with/without masks. Others have utilised a grandparent as childcare.

101dalmatians Thu 25-Jun-20 21:03:40

I gave birth at the start of April, and baby is now 11 weeks old. Last week we saw my PIL for the first time, and allowed them to hold him, as they have both been isolating for the lockdown period and receiving shopping deliveries etc. My MIL is due to go back to work in a school next week, so we didn’t know when she would next safely be able to see him. At some point soon we will see my dad, who has been shielded, although I am not sure he will hold baby (for his safety more than anything else). I think it comes down to how well both parties have been following rules, being sensible etc. You could also ask people to wear masks, sanitise hands right before etc. Bottom line is it’s your decision though, and don’t feel pressured to do anything you don’t want!

StarryEyed88 Fri 26-Jun-20 06:09:02

It can be really hard to say no to grandparents OP but you and your partner ultimately are the parents and it’s your choice. We had a baby in mid April. MIL was/is shielding so we isolated for a week after the hospital then did let her come over. Other than that, we’ve only recently let other close family come and see her in the garden. We’ll likely do more over the next few weeks as lockdown is eased but in our view, it really wasn’t worth the risk for the sake of a few months.
Ps it’s been a lovely time getting to know our baby without visitors turning up 😊

Littleelffriend Fri 26-Jun-20 06:26:21

I’m due in two weeks as well, but we’ll have to get my dad up to stay with my other dd if we have time or drop her with another family member. I’m so unsure of what to do. I’m in Scotland so our rules are slightly different.

CupcakesK Fri 26-Jun-20 06:38:45

You have to do what is best for you and the baby. It is so difficult when your family don’t live nearby, so can’t just pop round to wave through the window/ in the garden. Also consider the risk to your family members - after giving birth and being in hospital you may pose more risk to them than vice versa!

I had my baby 1 week into lockdown and the first time any grandparent saw him was when meeting in gardens was allowed (they all live 2-3 hours drive away). We’re lucky though, They have all been understanding and have so far followed social distancing rules. My son is 12 weeks old now and we are considering the next time they come to ours that they can hold him - as long as they continue social distancing beforehand.

I do kind of understand where your midwife is coming from, although the vaccination at 8 weeks have nothing to do with corona, by this point they are past the newborn stage and developing a good immune system so the risk would probably be similar to that of other children catching the virus.

Enjoy the time with your baby, those few weeks where no one could visit us were actually great as no pressure to get dressed/tidy house/entertain guests

mouse1234567 Fri 26-Jun-20 06:47:38

Hi Op-I have a baby in the first week of June. My parents came to see him about 6 days later and have been cuddling etc. I was more worried about the risk he/we Posed to them having been in a busy London hospital. They live in the countryside and essentially are mostly staying at home/shopping in local small shops and only seeing a few friends at a distance in gardens so they pose a very low risk. They are also retired. Every situation is different and you have to assess how much risk you think there is and what you are willing to take. I have also seen others but they haven’t held baby. Good luck.

struggleisreal Fri 26-Jun-20 08:33:18

Such a hard situation to be in! Our baby is nearly 8 weeks and at about 4 weeks we let grandparents come and sit in the garden - we weren’t super strict on social distancing but no cuddles! Last week MiL had a cuddle and this weekend we’re going to allow my parents and brother to cuddle her. I think we all probably need to assess our own risks - I’m not sure the government are ever going to say it’s OK (until the whole thing is over!) so we decided we were comfortable the risk was very low. Best of luck with everything!

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