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Seeing in laws

(18 Posts)
mummaB89 Sun 21-Jun-20 19:39:47

Due to current circumstances, would you be happy to see people outside your household? Our baby is 4 months old and lockdown was announced when she was around 5 weeks old. I respect family feel they're missing out. I still see my parents because they're tested weekly due to my dads work. We have also been tested ourselves and have very much stuck to the rules. My in laws are under the impression covid is a conspiracy and are not necessarily putting pressure on but there has been a few snide digs about not being able to see the baby and how they won't be able to cuddle her until she's 18 and how we'll happily go for a walk near strangers but won't see family, none of those strangers in the park at distance was holding my baby though. While I respect it must be frustrating for them and of course I would like them to be able to spend time with our children, the rules are in place for a reason. I would be a bit more relaxed had they not been carrying on as normal but they have been seeing many other people and even had a party 🤦🏻‍♀️ I feel awful for not seeing them but my gut instinct is telling me to keep away. One of the comments this evening were we are blood related which is irrelevant. Am I being unreasonable?

OP’s posts: |
Twizbe Sun 21-Jun-20 19:44:02

Why can't they come for a garden visit / see baby through a window?

mummaB89 Sun 21-Jun-20 19:48:34

@Twizbe they want to cuddle the baby and think we are being ridiculous for following the rules and being OTT and paranoid. To even ask them would cause an issue

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Twizbe Sun 21-Jun-20 19:52:30

You're not being unreasonable about that. We saw my in laws today and they both obviously wanted to touch the kids but held off.

All I can say is that you lay the ground rules and ensure they wash their hands as soon as they arrive and wear masks. Put it back on them as well. They are the rules, follow them and see (but not touch baby) don't follow them and they've chosen to not see their grandchild

ButterflyWitch Sun 21-Jun-20 20:28:37

So you've met up with pals and your parents but refusing to meet the in laws? I can understand their snide digs, but of course completely understand why you've not met them if they've not been following the guidance.
Could you tell them you'd love to see them but are worried about transmission- not an issue for your parents as you know they test negative- could they arrange for private tests? Once they test negative they could visit too??

mummaB89 Sun 21-Jun-20 22:42:35

@ButterflyWitch I haven't met friends just seen my parents who have been strictly following rules and have been tested weekly

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mummaB89 Sun 21-Jun-20 22:44:25

I've asked them to get tests to which they reply they know they haven't got it because they haven't got a cough, refusing to believe 1/3 of people are a symptomatic. It makes it harder because although I'm maternity leave I'm a nurse so I have a big understanding of infection control and prevention

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StylishMummy Sun 21-Jun-20 22:48:28

I'd let them see your DC. At some point very soon life HAS to return to a semblance of normal

ButterflyWitch Sun 21-Jun-20 22:56:35

Sorry - I'd misread. It's your baby and your choice - you need to keep baby safe - but there's hopefully a compromise.
I'm on the other side of this - my DB and SIL had a baby just before lockdown, i met once briefly and no idea when I'll see again but am completely respecting their wishes and waiting for them to be happy with meeting up again.

Tigger001 Sun 21-Jun-20 22:58:14

YANBU We havent seen anyone since a week before lockdown started.

My other worry would be they will not being cautious and safe and respecting the seriousness while going about their days if they have this attitude about seeing you guys.

It would be a no from me.

ButterflyWitch Sun 21-Jun-20 22:58:24

If it was me I'd keep baby safe and away from them until they can prove they're not a risk.
If they really wanted to see baby they'd get tested.
It's as simple as that. Good luck OP, v hard situation

mummaB89 Sun 21-Jun-20 23:01:47

It's so awkward. We miss them and want to see them but when they say things like "I don't care I haven't taken any notice from the start" and they say "we had 15 people here for a party and we're ok" I understand their situation is different to ours and respect that because their children are a bit older they don't feel the need to be so cautious. Really what I want is for them to respect that we are happy to see them in the park for example at a distance but not happy to all get together and my baby be passed round like a bag of crisps

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alexdgr8 Sun 21-Jun-20 23:06:00

take no notice of them.
you do not share the same values and cannot rely on their judgment.
the health of your baby far and away more important than their ideas, feeling, wishes.
just ignore them. i could not respect people like that. they sound arrogant, immature and selfish.
the child is not a toy which they want a go on.
go on being the best parent you can to your child, its number one protector.

mummaB89 Sun 21-Jun-20 23:08:18

We FaceTimed SIL this evening and she of course had a house full. My MIL was there too and was shouting when can I cuddle that baby. Sort it out I wanna see her, which I get. my husband said if you wanted to see the baby so much you wouldn't be carrying on as normal, which I agree with. Tonight he sent a message on the family chat saying I'm not comfortable coming to see you all while you've been seeing loads of people and having parties, our situation is different as the baby is so young and she is our priority to which we got a shitty reply "oh go to sleep you're being pathetic. Don't forget to watch the update with Boris" Also what gets my back up is they have never been bothered about seeing us or the older children but now the baby is here it's an issue, we've gone 6 months at a time without seeing them. This has been 12 weeks and a pandemic and now they wanna know 🤷🏻‍♀️

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ButterflyWitch Sun 21-Jun-20 23:17:12

Ironically they have probably already had it if they've been mixing so much 😆. Keep your boundaries and only do what you're comfortable with

sirfredfredgeorge Sun 21-Jun-20 23:34:39

who have been strictly following rules and have been tested weekly

Yet, that would only be because they are at high risk of getting it, and the aim is to isolate themselves as soon as they find out, but of course that could be a 6 day window of being infectious.

So yes, it's quite strange that you're happily showing the child to some high risk people, but not at all to another group. The protection comes from the social distancing not tests infrequently enough to know if they're infectious or not.

HathorX Sun 21-Jun-20 23:37:36

They sound really immature, uncaring and disrespectful. In fact it sounds like they are actually trying to wind you up.

I would cease contact until they start being mor kind and understanding.

notmycar Sun 21-Jun-20 23:53:56

They sound very intense and rude however I can understand why they'd feel a little pushed out.
I agree with @sirfredfredgeorge . The antibody test is telling you that you haven't yet had the virus not that you aren't currently incubating it therefore you are still technically breaking lockdown and putting the baby at risk. I could take an antibody test everyday if I wanted but that doesn't mean that I'm safe to mix with others.
If you don't want to mix with the in laws you need a better excuse otherwise they'll continue on asking.

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