Am I selfish?

[Hughsie91]

My DH wants another baby. I don't. I had a 4yr old DD when we met and he's been an amazing stepfather to her. We got married and had a little boy who's now 3. He wants another, "to keep our son company" as they'd be closer in age. I don't. I have been a mum since 20 years of age, I have struggled to build up a career for myself, battled PND and really struggled with my children's behaviour on times. Despite all this, I have worked hard and I have a job I adore, and I am currently in my 2nd year training as a RN. DH feels we should have a baby now so that it's "out of the way" and he says "we coped before, one more won't hurt" but I completely disagree. If I have another baby, my career is going to take a back seat like it has most of my life. I feel it's time for me. Am I being selfish? A 3rd child would just put strain on every aspect on my life financially, physically and mentally.

[Dinosauraddict]

No, you're not selfish.

[CuriousPixie]

Absolutely not and make that very clear to him. You've given birth to two and you have gotten to a place where you are happy. He needs to realise just how much strain you'd be under and that you are not prepared to risk it. What would be selfish is bringing another child into the world when you don't want to just to keep him happy.

[InvincibleInvisibility]

No you are not selfish but I understand the inner turmoil/guilt.

I love my DH enormously. Since 2016 he's wanted DC3. But I just can't do it. Mentally, physically and emotionally. However it's not stopped me mulling it over again and again cos I love him so much and our other 2 DC are fantastic (except at night - horrific sleepers. DC1 didn't sleep through the night until he was 7!!!!).

Fortunately DH didn't press it although occasionally asked if I'd have a 3rd (e.g. if he gets a promotion would I stop working and have another baby).

I am now beginning to consider it but only because it would suit me and my career much better now than 4 years ago. We are under no illusion that I would bear the brunt of this decision (pregnancy, birth, sleepless nights etc) so DH is letting me decide in my own time.

Please do not feel pressured into into something you don't want to do and that isn't right for you now.

There is no guarantee that your DS would get on with a younger sibling anyway.