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At what age is it ok to leave a teen and go away for 2 nights?

(49 Posts)
Lovemusic33 Fri 12-Jun-20 15:41:14

I know it’s probably been asked before.

Every year I post about Dd not wanting to go on holiday and how she ruins holidays for me and her sister. We go camping (Campervan and tent) usually for a couple days at a time and not too far from home. It looks like we will be able to go camping from next month so I am booking a couple trips late July and August. Dd has agreed to one but doesn’t want to go on the other. It’s only a hour from home so I’m thinking about leaving her home alone. I know most people will say it’s fine, she is 16 but she also has dyspraxia and Aspergers so until now I haven’t left her over night. She can’t really cook other than toast due to her dyspraxia (struggles to open things and is a bit clumsy). She is pretty sensible and pretty lazy so would probably spend the 2 days asleep or gaming. We also have family 2 miles away who she could call in an emergency. I think I’m probably worrying about nothing, she would be fine wouldn’t she? And if she needed me I could be home pretty quickly.

OP’s posts: |
LemonBreeland Fri 12-Jun-20 15:47:14

No child under 16 should be left at home alone. But after that I think it is a very grey area that only parents can decide themselves. Some DC can't be trusted not to throw wild parties, some are not self sufficient enough to look after themselves.

The major questions I would be asking are, is she comfortable with being alone? Would she get lonely? Does she have the skills to look after herself and keep herself safe? If you believe she can do those things then I would let her stay home.

mindutopia Fri 12-Jun-20 16:03:44

My mum left me for overnights from 12. Single mum with work travel and she wasn’t about to lose her job or miss out on a promotion. I was absolutely fine. I was doing my own wash, cooking dinner and taking myself to school by then anyway.

But my own ones, I probably wouldn’t consider it before 15 and it would depend very much on the child and the circumstances. At 16, yes, I would think it was fine, but does she have a friend or someone she could stay with or family who could stay with her?

Lovemusic33 Fri 12-Jun-20 16:04:09

She wouldn’t throw a party as she’s the most unsociable child I know 🤣. She likes her own company, only has a couple friends who she talks too via video chat but rarely has them over to the house. The only issue would be cooking but she said she would happily live on sandwiches and toast for 2 days, I could possibly order her a take away from my phone or I could get a relative to drop a meal in for her. She probably wouldn’t bath or brush her hair because I always have to remind her to do these things but for 2 days it’s not going to hurt.

OP’s posts: |
OnlyFoolsnMothers Fri 12-Jun-20 16:05:59

I wouldn’t, too many things could happen that could throw up and panic her. I wouldn’t be able to relax. Can’t she come and camp in a separate tent next to yours?

Legoandloldolls Fri 12-Jun-20 16:11:46

From 16 is fine imo but I have a dyspraxic son. He tried to microwave a frozen pizza hes 12. Not sure I could trust him at 16 unless I left food with basic heating up instructions. I would phone or text him throughout the day too.

Lovemusic33 Fri 12-Jun-20 16:14:40

only I spent a fortune on a big awning/tent which has her own room in it, she just doesn’t like being away from home, doesn’t sleep and does her best to make us all miserable. She’s more relaxed at home, rarely panics about anything and knows she can call her grandparents who are near by or call me if needed. We have pets which she wants to stay and look after. I know she won’t burn the house down as she won’t touch the cooker or stove. I don’t think she would get lonely but if she did I could easily be back home in just over an hour.

I was 16 when my parents left me on my own to go to France for 2 weeks But I was much more independent than dd is and I could cook 😂

OP’s posts: |
MeadowHay Fri 12-Jun-20 16:17:20

I dunno it probably depends on the child doesn't it? I was first left at 18 for a few nights whilst my parents went on holiday abroad and I had to beg beg and for them not to make us sleep over the road at our neighbours house hah. And I had my two siblings with me who were 16 and 14. We were all very sensible and I was allowed to have a bunch of my friends over one night but only if a family friend came too to make sure nothing stupid happened. Bearing in mind my parents are teetotal and both my siblings would be there, obviously nothing daft would have happened, we just ate snacks and watched a movie iirc hmm my parents were always overprotective though.

MeadowHay Fri 12-Jun-20 16:18:25

I have Asperger's too interestingly. But by 18 I could cook simple meals like eggs, pasta, putting stuff in the oven etc.

Carolbaskinstiger Fri 12-Jun-20 16:18:38

My friends mum used to go away every weekend when she was 13! Oh the parties we had!

DullPortraits Fri 12-Jun-20 16:23:02

There is no law about what age you can leave a child home alone although nspcc advice is no child under 16 should be alone overnight but you use that as a guideline my eldest is over 16 and middle child just below and common sense would see me trusting you the under more than the over to be left. Though i have not done it yet i would make sure there were plenty of people to call on should they need to in emergency and a strict list of dos and don'ts. Basically no one can tell you if you are right to leave her as only you know if she is mature confident and trustworthy enough to be ok x

carexfairex Fri 12-Jun-20 16:26:45

She can't cook anything but toast so no, don't leave her alone. She needs to learn basic skills before you can leave her.

Londoner99 Fri 12-Jun-20 16:30:05

I think 16 is fine but the dyspraxia is a bit concerning. Would you be able to batch cook and let her heat up food in the microwave?

Aquamarine1029 Fri 12-Jun-20 16:30:08

Could one of the family members stay with her? She doesn't sound mature enough to be left alone.

CuppaZa Fri 12-Jun-20 16:30:35

I would normally 100% at that age, but as you stated she would struggle to cook anything apart from toast...I don’t know, I probably wouldn’t leave her. Maybe I’m a worrying mum. I wouldnt be able to enjoy the holiday and relax knowing that.

CuppaZa Fri 12-Jun-20 16:31:26

I just don’t think she, in her circumstances is probably ready

Lovemusic33 Fri 12-Jun-20 16:38:05

It’s possible her dad could check in on her after he finishes work, could possibly bring her food, I would have to ask him.

OP’s posts: |
Normalmumandwife Fri 12-Jun-20 16:42:45

I wouldn't ...can't bear the thought of her being alone at night and something happening when I wasn't there. I would never forgive myself.

The rule for friends seems to be about 18 onwards

OnlyFoolsnMothers Fri 12-Jun-20 16:44:41

Could someone stay at your house overnight ? A grandparent or her dad?
Would she cope with a power cut/ someone knocking on the door late at night ?

ScrapThatThen Fri 12-Jun-20 16:44:45

Will she be any more able to cope at 17 or 18? If not what does she need to learn? Otherwise, why wait.

Educationwhateducation Fri 12-Jun-20 16:45:17

My parents went to Florida for two weeks when I was 16 and a half. I was in sixth form, doing my A Levels. My older brother (19) was ‘home’ but out most of the time at work and socialising. I was absolutely fine. I had my friends and people to call on in an emergency. No one thought anything of it really.
They went again the next year.

steppemum Fri 12-Jun-20 17:03:52

I often did it form about 14/15. Grandparents a few houses down.

I left my oldest when he was 15 and half. It was Saturday morning to Tuesday evening. My Mum came and got him on Sunday and fed him Sunday lunch. He was independent and capable and could cook for himself, and really didn't want to come with us, and we had good neighbours, including my best friend who lives just roudn the corner.

So much depends on the child. I knew the neighbours would tell us if he had a party!

SecretWitch Fri 12-Jun-20 17:09:41

I was left on my own at age 17, with plenty of takeaway money. My parents made certain I knew who and when to call in case of emergency. They started with just weekends away but progressed to a week fairly quickly.

halcyondays Fri 12-Jun-20 17:09:41

No I wouldn’t leave her.

chocolicious Fri 12-Jun-20 17:24:37

I was left on my own at 18 while my parents went on holiday for a few days with my younger (4 years age gap) sibling.
We left DC1 alone for 3 nights when they were 17.

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