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Bigger age gap pros?(6 Posts)
DS is just 3. We always knew we didn't want 2 small children close in age.
Due to coronavirus we've had to re book our holiday we had planned for next May, so ideally now along with other factors (husband is in the middle of learning to become a pilot) we are looking at thinking about trying for baby number 2 from May 2021. This means DS will be 4 when we start trying, so who knows what age he will be once we get pregnant and have baby 2 he could be nearly 5 or even 6.
Something my friend once said always sticks in my mind about age gaps, aha has twins and a son who are 3 years age gap, and she said that anything bigger than that is a nightmare as they don't play together, aren't interested in the same things and on days out your trying to do things with a little one and the big one wants to do something else!
Can people with bigger age gaps tell me the good things about it?! I'd love to hear of anyone's personal experiences 😊 x
The older one is settled at school so you get school hours to devote to the baby.
They have more tolerance and understanding of the baby's needs - especially when they are mobile.
Older one can play safely upstairs in their bedroom with fragile stuff like Lego.
When they have friends around the baby isn't desperate to join in the same way those close in age are
You don't have to do toddler group with both of them!!!
I have two within 2.5 years and then a 6 year gap to dc3.
The older ones play with the younger one almost as much as with each other. They are old enough to find it interesting and like looking after the toddler and making dens etc. Whereas with each other they want the same toys and are competitive.
They can watch tv with dc3 in the morning and get breakfast while I doze. Yay!
It’s been great for the older ones in terms of responsibility, learning to care for others, not always having activities revolve around you. Plus they secretly like getting to play on “baby toys” etc. It’s great for the little one too, extra attention.
Down side: museums, bike rides, sports as a family are all harder with mixed ages.
Ds was 6, 2 weeks before dd was born. I like the age gap. Hes independent and old enough to understand i only have one pair of hands. Dd adores him, he only has to look at her and she lights up. Was difficult to begin with. Juggling school run and a new born but we got the hang of it and i have the day with her whilst hes at school.
Your oldest is less likely to feel left out andwill be better at understanding the needs of the new baby.
They’ll also be able to help out with the new baby, which will be a great opportunity for them to bond.
Your oldest will be more independent so you won’t need to worry about changing two dirty bottoms throughout the day. He may also be able to get himself snacks, and play independently for limited amounts of time.
They’ll have different interests and will play with different toys, saving you the hassle of acting as mediator, negotiating turns with the most popular toys. There is less chance they will feel competitive with each other. After all, they are more likely to be in different schools, have different sets of friends, and be at different developmental stages.
Your oldest will already have outgrown his infant car seats, pram and playmat. You won’t need to fork out on doubling up on these items, and will simply be able to dust off the cobwebs and use them again.
Unlike the parents of two under two, you will have caught up on your sleep by the time your next baby arrives!
You might be able to leave your oldest in charge of the little one while you take care of this and that. Your older child can play with the baby while you straighten up, prepare meals, or make a quick phone call.
There's 5 years between my two (planned that way as I wanted a bigger age gap) and I really think it's been great. The only challenge has been during lockdown when they only have each other to play with and it can get a bit tense as they don't necessarily have the same ideas about play. But under normal circumstances, they would have lots more time apart and especially for the older one, she would have her own friends and social life at school. Honestly, it's been great. I don't know how people cope with a 2 year age gap!
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