Today I feel really down

[Letsallscreamatthesistene]

I have lovely, smiley 10 week old baby who im really grateful for. I think he's what you would class as a fairly typical baby; some colicy moments, still waking 2 times a night for feeds (never really goes more than 4/5 hrs for a chunk of sleep).

But today I feel really down. I feel like the monotony of each day is getting to me. There are no baby classes to go to because of lockdown. My husband works and is out of the house from about 8am until 6pm. Its just me and my son and it gets very lonely. I find myself wishing the time away. Hes due to go to nursery for 1 day a week in August and start full time in Sept. Im conflicted about this because 6 months old seems really young to go to nursery, but im a nurse and need to go back to work. I feel like im giving up on motherhood and feel bad for not wanting to be a SAHM. I also find im wishing away the time until he's a toddler, or can walk at least.

I dont have PND, but I am under councilling for anxiety post birth. im not sure of the point of posting this. Just be good to hear peoples experiences really

[Letsallscreamatthesistene]

I should say that I keep reading on here how terrible the 4 month sleep regression is. I dont think I can cope with that.

[Letsallscreamatthesistene]

Anyone?

[MummyGoingItAlone]

I promise you, it does get easier. I went back to work full time when my done was almost 5 months as I couldn’t be the stay at home mum I wanted to be. It is really hard and there is no shame is saying you are struggling.

The sleep regressions are really tough but they end as quickly as they start. I’m just going through the 2 year one and it has been hellish!

For the monotony, lots of walking is what I did. Small babies are such hard work but it does get easier x

[BendingSpoons]

I found the early days challenging. Lots of it is tiring and repetitive. Doing it in lockdown when you can't go to groups, wander round the shops, have a coffee etc to break up the day must be really tough. Plus now the weather has turned it is less appealing to go for a walk. I don't know if this is your thing, but have you tried anything like Mush which is offering various online sessions?

In terms of the 4 month regression, try not to worry yet. It doesn't affect all babies and some adjust quickly. Plus hopefully by then lockdown may be easing, and it's much easier to cope with the poor sleep when you have other things to focus on.

[Ihaveoflate]

I went back to work at 3 months and she went to nursery at 6 months (we shared parental leave). She was happy at nursery until it closed for lockdown and I don't think it was too young.

I wished the early days away and that was without lockdown so I think you're doing brilliantly just getting through it! I have no regrets about wishing those days away because they were crap. Going back to work gave me the balance I needed and now I enjoy the time I have with her.

I cannot imagine how relentless this time is for you under these conditions. I lost my mind in 'normal' times! Huge sympathy and

[Letsallscreamatthesistene]

I think whats contributing to it is that I have family members who are quite obviously suprised when I tell them im going back to work, and dont hide their disapproval at all. I dont think im doing anything wrong, but I can judge from their reactions that they think the opposite. Im a nurse, ive worked really hard to get specialist qualifications and dont feel like I want to leave it all behind. I know the family members think im selfish though.

[HelloRose]

It must be really tough having a baby during lockdown, I really sympathise. Having said that, when ds was born last summer I didnt have any friends or family nearby and didn't take him to classes until he was about 16 weeks. Some days were super lonely (dh also worked long hours). We got out every day for nice long walks. If you can do this, I highly recommend it. Maybe there is a place to get a (takeaway) coffee and have a nice stroll? I always made sure we went out mainly for my benefit than his - mentally it really helped break up the monotony.

It's completely fine to find motherhood hard - the early stage is super boring and babies are definitely more fun as they get older.
Embrace those lovely cuddles though and time to sit and chill. Before you know it, all they want to do is crawl and open cupboards and be anywhere but on you!

As for sleep regression, yes it can happen but like everything with babies, it will be a phase and you'll get through it. I found 4 months ok... the 8 month one wasn't so great. But now he sleeps through most nights and they're long forgotten.

[ZooKeeper19]

Oh @Letsallscreamatthesistene about this "and dont hide their disapproval at all" I am very much in a very similar boat and one friend told me a very reassuring way to cope.

You are doing what will make you happy and hence what will make the family happy and more importantly. You are showing your baby that it is OK to work hard for what you want and enjoy. A driven parent (reasonably, of course) is not a bad example. Some people just are not cut out to be SAHM and there is nothing bad about this.

Lastly, all our generation went to nursery at 6-10w as there was no proper mat leave and here we are.

[BendingSpoons]

Has anyone shown their disapproval that your husband is not giving up his job? Presumably not, as only mums are expected to. If your decision works for you and your family, then try to ignore what others say.

[Whatshername20]

Your decisions also have to have a bearing on you and your mental health.

I completely sympathise, DS is 14 weeks and I've been going stir crazy. DP also works lots of varying and crazy shifts so it's just us in the house all day everyday and some days I feel like I'm doing rubbish and what are you supposed to do to entertain a baby all day 🙈
DP and I have been at really low points because of it; whilst I adore DS I'm so fed up of the home scenery and feel I'm missing out.

I went into work today for a KIT day and it has literally made my week! I feel like a rejuvenated person and 'me' again. Please don't ever let anyone make you feel guilty, it truly is so hard and you need to do what works for you and your family.

[GettingUntrapped]

Don't let motherhood take your life away! Ignore the guilt peddlers. Motherhood is full of judgement by others.

[StoneSourFan]

You need to do what's right for you and your family. Nobody knows what other people's finances etc are. I'm currently on maternity leave (I'm a nurse also) and I've took in total 13 months. We've planned and saved for it and that's what is right for us, dreading going back in July 😭 and I don't think however long you take off it won't be any easier. People on my team have took 6 months, 9 months or a year and that's their choice no ones business.
Hopefully before August you will be a little more flexible and you and little one can socialise more!
Our baby groups are online at the moment if you feel that might help as baby groups are more for the mothers to socialise when baby is so little. Our baby groups won't be back face to face until September. Our team is a 24 hour team so hopefully with shift flexibility we can still go to one most weeks xxx