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Help - exhausted mummy

17 replies

Catarinah · 04/06/2020 04:02

My little boy is 21 weeks (18 weeks corrected as he was 3 weeks early) and I feel like we've been in the 4 month regression for forever (6 weeks now if not more). We co sleep and he is EBF and fed ti sleep. He will absolutely not sleep any other way, tried 3 different cots and every other method under the sun to get him to sleep without boob but it just takes forever and he ends up screaming hysterically and takes even longer to get him to sleep (I rocked him today and he fell asleep after an hour and as soon as I lowered myself to sit down on the bed he woke up, it's extremely tiring and my nipples are getting sore again because he is constantly feeding). He is awake in the day for an hour ish before getting cranky then I put him down for a nap which are only 30 minutes long, if i try and get him to nap longer he just stares at me and sucks for eternity. His routine is bed by 6-7 and he'll sleep until 1am ish, but then after this he wakes every 2 hours, often every hour, until 5am (use to be 6am but now he's also waking 5am and is wide awake which is killing me, I've tried both getting him to sleep earlier and later to see if he'll wake up later but to no avail). I am exhausted. Throw in teething too so he's cranky. According to the wonder weeks app he is 5 days away from the end of this leap. Will this even end? I feel like I have a newborn again who is constantly feeding, wakes hourly, can't be put down, still fed to sleep. The only thing which I think would work eventually is CC or CIO which I will never do as he gets hysterical if I leave him on his own and it's just not for me. Would weaning help? Any advise would be appreciated please, getting upset by it all.

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Fedupofitnow123 · 04/06/2020 04:05

Do you think being awake longer in the day could help? He sounds to be awake about the same amount as my 6 week old while isnt very much

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Catarinah · 04/06/2020 04:19

@Fedupofitnow123 he is usually awake for 1.5 hours but is very cranky for the last 30 minutes, he will sometimes be awake for 2 hours and can be fine. Before this regression he was awake for 2 hours between naps. I don't know whats happened or whether this is common at this age...

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porridgeface · 04/06/2020 04:20

My first was a bad sleeper and woke every 2 hours until he was 8 months so I don't think weaning made a difference. White noise app on my phone did seem to help.

Have you tried teething powders? I know some people say they don't do anything but I swear they made a difference.

I used to pray for the end of those leaps!! X

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ThePurpleMoose · 04/06/2020 04:27

The 4 month regression was horrendous for us - DD would only sleep when being held for weeks, but gradually we began to be able to bed share with an arm around at first and then just being next to her. It will get better, and probably worse again, but DD is 1 now and while her sleep is constantly up and down, she has never gone back to 4 month levels of awful sleep!

It's really hard when baby is feeding constantly. If you don't use Lansinoh already, get some at the earliest opportunity and use liberally after every feed - it will really help your nipples!

Think very carefully about weaning - although you might feel like a milk machine, the likelihood is that you'll be left with the same situation minus the most effective tool to get your baby back to sleep. But if you're struggling then you ultimately need to go with what works best for you.

Finally, look up The Beyond Sleep Training Project on Facebook - they have reams of posts just like yours and you can search e.g. '4 month regression' or submit a post yourself. They also have a website with loads of info.

I hope things get easier for you soon Flowers

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Catarinah · 04/06/2020 04:30

@porridgeface yes tried teetha and ashton and parsons (we can't use any gels as he's on propranolol medication for a haemangioma). The apps don't work unfortunately, they're in the extensive lost of things we've tried along with hot water bottle in his bed before transition, music, dancing, muslin with my milk under him, rocking cot, dim light and/or no light, he hated swaddling. He's very difficult to trick! My oh now sleeps in the other bed as it's easier to co sleep safely this way but this isn't ideal moving forward either and would prefer him in the same room again eventually!

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ThePurpleMoose · 04/06/2020 04:30

Re: weaning, if you mean starting solids, this didn't help DD's sleep at all - it probably made it worse while her digestive system got used to solid food.

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Catarinah · 04/06/2020 04:34

@ThePurpleMoose it is extremely difficult and this on top of the lockdown is certainly having a toll on me mentally. I feel like I'm not doing it right (it being being a mum) and that I'm "making a rod for my own back" as it were, although I don't know what the solution is. I'll have a look at that group thank you x

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Catarinah · 04/06/2020 04:36

@ThePurpleMoose yes I meant solid food, there's no way I could wean my little milk monster from the boob, it's his heaven...! Bought some baby rice yesterday in desperation but haven't given him any yet as I'm worried with him being 3 weeks early he's 18 weeks really and was trying to hold out to the 24 week mark... Just getting desperate I guess.

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HalloumiSalad · 04/06/2020 04:39

I feel your pain, both my two gave me awful sleep at different times for different reasons.
I have two suggestions one which I used to good effect (improvement) and one I wish I had used on my first as I have since learnt more about it and seen help friends.
One I used (which you may perhaps do already) was daylight. As humans we are hugely tuned to natural daylight. It massively helps babies get into better sleep patterns of they get lots of out and about in daytime. I took mine for walks in local woods a lot both in the pram and in baby carrier. My first was the most similar to what you are describing (also ebf). The immediate benefits were that when he napped he napped longer, the fresh air seemed to make him sleep more deeply, when he was awake he was having round at the trees and listening to all the sounds so want just clamped to my breast. There was lots to look at so gentle stimulation, which was lovely for him, improved his day/night sleep cycle and was calming for us both. Also when you are outside the crying just doesn't bore into your head so much so it helps your stress levels. I went at least one long if not two long walks a day. Sat on logs to feed (this was in greater Manchester suburbs so I wasn't able to do this cos I was in a rural place). It was an effort to get out of the house but so so worth it as we both benefited so much. If he was wakeful and in the pram he would often just lie on his back watch the dappled light and leaves over his head. Fellow walkers often said kind or encouraging things which helped me get through. One lady in particular saw me often and would ask how we were doing and cheer me on.
I found the strategy so helpful for us both I can't recommend it highly enough!

The second thing which I wish I had looked into further was baby cranial massage, I know several mum's whose babies were self soothing in similar ways to yours and not sleeping as well as they could (we accept of course babies will wake in the night to some extent for feeding), the cranial massage saw immediate improvements. I know virus rules might make that tricky just now but if you decided to try it, by the time you've looked it up and found a practitioner and booked it is likely to be acceptable.

Good luck. Things will get better. Flowers

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HalloumiSalad · 04/06/2020 04:43

Sorry for the million typos. I'm on my phone and tied so didn't edit very well. Hope you speak fluent auto correct!

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ThePurpleMoose · 04/06/2020 05:07

@Catarinah DD was just over 5 weeks prem and we started solids at 6 months not adjusted - according to HV there's no need to delay as long as they're physically ready i.e. can sit independently in the high chair etc.

It's very easy to feel inadequate - but as long as you're doing your best for your baby, there's no such thing as doing it wrong. You do what's right for you. And anyone who says anything about rods and backs can do one, as far as I'm concerned. I have found the path of least resistance (feeding to sleep, bed-sharing, contact napping etc) to also be the path of maximum sleep for all involveded, and it's not forever.

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LivingThatLockdownLife · 04/06/2020 06:23

Rock to sleep in pram?

Use a dummy?

The trick is to put baby down "sleepy but awake". That means feed to drowsy then put down.

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ToffeeAppleCaramel · 04/06/2020 09:40

I don’t have solutions but my daughter is a just a couple of weeks older and your post is so familiar. Loads of night wakings, much clingier, issues with daytime naps (we’ve had both sleepy days and nap refusing days). Sometimes we have a better night and I think she’s getting through it, then it gets worse again. It’s not much comfort but I really believe it’s normal for many babies at this stage and it’ll improve when developmentally they can. So I just wanted to say I certainly don’t think you are doing anything wrong. Flowers

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MrsPatrickDempsey · 04/06/2020 11:57

Bless you - it's really tough.

I agree with pp saying take the path of least resistance. Just feed him to sleep. Rather than see it negatively, I think it's a bit of a super power that you have!

Delete the wonder weeks app. There isn't much scientific basis for it and it's like horoscopes for babies in my opinion.

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Catarinah · 04/06/2020 17:28

Thanks for your replies everyone, they make me feel better. Unfortunately putting him down drowsy never works, putting him down when hes in deep sleep doesnt eveb work so no hope for when he's drowsy! We had a rough day with teething today but he just had a bath (which he's always loved) with an inflatable neck collar which he really enjoyed so we're ending on a high :) feeding to sleep as i type!

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HalloumiSalad · 04/06/2020 22:15

That's good. You sound like a lovely mummy and things will get better. It's amazing what you can survive when you have to. Good luck.

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Angelik · 04/06/2020 22:41

Wind! Sucking helps alleviate discomfort of wind but when stopped, pain increases. What position is he going to sleep in? I used to put ds on tummy but watch him ing he went onto deep sleep then roll over. Dd on side, propped either with rolled blankets so I could sit "away" but still watching.

Day time naps: agree with pp about outside. Even if walking up and down kitchen until drop off then park outside.

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