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How do we ease DD into the idea that DS will be moving into her room soon?

(66 Posts)
Crumpetsforthequeen Fri 29-May-20 16:26:13

DS 9 months is now finally sleeping through the nights and we're planning on moving him into DD7's room as there is no room in our bedroom, we have to climb over the bed in order to get to his cot and it's been a nightmare. Her room is big enough for them both.

We currently live in a small 2 bed house and are planning to move into a 3 bed as soon as one comes avaliable, we're hoping by Christmas at the latest, so it won't be for that long.

We've tried explaining this to her but she's having none of it. I worry that she feels like he will be invading her space, I feel like she already had to share us when he was born (she didn't take very well to him) and now she has to share her space too. DH says I'm over analysing the whole thing and she'll get used to it.

We would keep him in our room but in all honesty it's a health hazard, if anything were to happen it would be more difficult to get to him than if he were in her room if that makes sense.

How do we let her know we aren't trying to force him on her or that we don't care about her and its all about him? (something she's expressed before)

Fact of the matter is its happening whether she likes it or not but we would like to make it as easy for her as possible.

Before anyone says we can't switch rooms either for reasons I'd rather not get into right now.

Thank you all for getting this far, this whole 2 DC thing has been a bit of a shock and not gone how I thought it would lol

OP’s posts: |
sleepismysuperpower1 Fri 29-May-20 16:29:53

could you get some room dividers (you can find them for reasonable prices on ebay), and put them across the centre of her room? It might make it feel more like her own space. you could then let her pick how to decorate it, and let her half of the room be different to her brothers (keep the walls a neutral colour but she could put up wall stickers in her half, get some nice bed sheets, a wall light etc).

GemmeFatale Fri 29-May-20 16:30:55

I think you just have to be factual and form about it. It’s not a choice it’s something that is happening (like going to the doctor for jabs, or brushing teeth or any other thing she doesn’t like but has to happen. I also wouldn’t push her to be happy about it. She can be cross/upset if that’s how she feels but don’t pander to it.

Separately to that I think she needs some time one to one with both parents to stop her feeling left out. Is there anything special you could do with only her?

SummerDayWinterEvenings Fri 29-May-20 16:31:49

I'd put her in charge and reverse it. I would ask either. Just tell. Now YOU are old enough now you are 7, the baby is coming into your room because you are responsible enough to let mummy know if there is a problem. Because you are going to be good grown up girl -when baby is asleep you are going to have special big girl time -with mummy watching netflix -before you go to bed after baby is asleep (or something she doesn't currently have etc a treat) you are going to be in charge of deciding which story the baby and you have and then when baby asleep you are going to choose your own story etc. If the baby cries etc. mummy will deal with it. & stick to it. By all means let her decide the lay out or whatever- but she is a child. Tell and do.

Crumpetsforthequeen Fri 29-May-20 16:31:57

That's actually a really good idea, thank you, she loves decorating so that might actually be supper helpful, I'll mention it to DH tonight.

OP’s posts: |
SummerDayWinterEvenings Fri 29-May-20 16:32:22

Sorry I meant to write I wouldn't ask. Just tell.

OhioOhioOhio Fri 29-May-20 16:32:23

Get her to think it up.

Junebug2020 Fri 29-May-20 16:33:02

My older child was happy enough when his younger sibling moved in with him as I got him bunk beds (didn't use the lower one for dc2 as still in a cot, but was handy for me to collapse on after feeding!) so if you can afford it is there a new bed or anything else that could be done for her so she saw it as an addition not a loss? My dc used to have great chats when they shared.

steppemum Fri 29-May-20 16:34:27

Redecorate.
Not massively, but plan it together with her.
Make the room into 2 zones, put something new and nice into her half (eg a lovely picture/wall art by her bed)

Put something for him in his half. maybe even paint the wall by his bed.

Make it very clear which toys are HERS and which are going to be shared. We did this by removing the baby/shared toys (with their agreement) and putting them in the loft for a while. When they came out again, they were for the baby.

make it part of your daily narrative, but from her side, and with a positive twist - shall we put a shelf for all your teddies so when ds moves in there is room for everything?

Make sure she has safe spaces for her stuff which he can't reach.

Together make a fun sign for the door
dd and ds's room - kids only!

FamilyOfAliens Fri 29-May-20 16:34:45

Room dividers are a great idea! We bought this one when our cat started scratching our brand new sofa. It’s very lightweight so can be easily moved and adjusted.

NuffSaidSam Fri 29-May-20 16:35:38

I don't know if you're going to be able to sugar the pill tbh.

I think I'd go down the really honest route and just lay it out for her. Tell her that you understand she doesn't want to share and you understand why and she's got a point. Tell her that the house is small and it's not safe for him to be in your room. Tell her that you're are working really hard to get a bigger house and you hope it will be by Christmas. Tell her that you're really proud of the way she's going to share even though she doesn't want to. Tell her when she gets her own room she can have xyz, talk about how exciting it will be and shift the conversation onto something more positive.

Or go down the bribery route....'If DS goes in your room we'll have to get you a new bed/let you stay up later/get you a nightlight'....whatever you think will work. Make it in her interest that DS is in her room.

TokyoSushi Fri 29-May-20 16:36:17

If it really is for such a short time then I'd persevere and leave DS where he is...

Crumpetsforthequeen Fri 29-May-20 16:38:02

She already has a bunk bed, we got it whilst I was pregnant as a kind of stepping stone into telling her he will be sharing with her and she was so excited until the novelty wore off.

She gets plenty of one on one time with us especially now DH is home until its safe to return to work.

This baby thing has been quite hard on her, I was in an out of hospital a lot due to complications, I was even in over her birthday which I feel so guilty for and then my health hasn't been great since he was born so I can see how she feels everything has been turned upside down and thrown sideways. That's the thing, it's happening either way but I would rather make it either for everyone than dump hom in there and be like deal with it.

OP’s posts: |
steppemum Fri 29-May-20 16:38:14

we lived in a small 2 bed flat and had 3 of them in one room!
One thing we did in our flat was that bedtime stories were on the sofa, or on Mummies bed, so that we put baby down they went off to sleep (ha ha) while older one had 30 minutes of mummy time.

With 3 of them, the middle one went ot bed and then oldest had 30 minutes. It meant bedtime was longer, but those 30 minutes were special time. THEIR time.

Viviennemary Fri 29-May-20 16:38:53

I don't think it's acceptable to move a baby into a seven year olds room. You need to find a way round it.

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow Fri 29-May-20 16:40:41

At 7months surely your DS doesn't need a "room" just a cot - could you not put it on the landing or similar?

Having to share her room with a baby is going to really suck for her, and i think trying to pretend otherwise is just going to make her think you don't care.

Crumpetsforthequeen Fri 29-May-20 16:44:32

@Viviennemary can I ask why you think it's unacceptable?

OP’s posts: |
steppemum Fri 29-May-20 16:46:26

I really agree with pp who say - she doesn't have to be happy about it, and sit down with her and acknowledge her feelings. I know you don't want him, but he is going to because the house is small, we ar esharing the people about failry round the house.

It is really important to acknowledge feelis angnd not expect her to be happy, but a calm, no nonsense approach will get past that

Viviennemary Fri 29-May-20 16:48:10

Because babies wake up in the night. Need attention. And would be a complete pain in the neck in a seven year olds room. She is already upset at the idea and has had a tough time. It could cause a lot of resentment. It's not a good idea at all. IMHO. However, it's your choice.

dottiedodah Fri 29-May-20 16:48:18

I also think a 7 year old sharing a room with a baby is not really on TBH. She is bound to be disturbed by him moving around ,and if he wakes early in the morning ,will likely disturb her .She needs to be fully alert for her Schooling whether at home or School.If you can try to keep Baby with you if its only for 6 months or so.

steppemum Fri 29-May-20 16:50:04

I don't think it's acceptable to move a baby into a seven year olds room. You need to find a way round it.

yawn. This falls into the 'my precious princess can't be expected to give up her space' type post.

Meanwhile in the real world, kids can and do have to share, and just get on with it, and get used to it.
Funnily enough, many of them learn lots of life skills in the process, things like sharing, co-operation, flexibility, resilience and so on.

tara66 Fri 29-May-20 16:51:36

Would she like to.have the room done up or a special present?

steppemum Fri 29-May-20 16:59:07

Because babies wake up in the night. Need attention. And would be a complete pain in the neck in a seven year olds room.

nope. Mine moved in at 6-7 months, once they were sleeping through the night. rarely if ever woke up.
Even when they did, a 7 year old will often sleep through.

In fact one night, at about 2 am, one of them threw up everywhere. It took me an hour to clean up, using the light from the landing.

I would go further, in the first month they disturbed each other a bit, after they they learnt to sleep through, and are all good sleepers. I think sharing a room makes them a better sleeper.

steppemum Fri 29-May-20 17:00:05

I meant to say - when I was cleaning up, the other 2 slept through.

LaaLaaLanded Fri 29-May-20 17:07:01

My children would sleep though absolutely anything. It's fine for two siblings to share a room, quite obviously I would have thought.

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