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Feeling sad I won't have anymore babies

(16 Posts)
Alittleshortforaspacepooper Tue 26-May-20 09:48:57

I think it's normal to "grieve" the passing of that life stage. It is also possible that you genuinely do want another baby, but I would just be very careful about confusing those two things, because they are different.

GrumpyHoonMain Tue 26-May-20 09:44:09

I went through IVF to have my first but it took 10 years - I don’t have another 10 years to have my second but I am doing everything in my power to ensure I have no regrets. I personally think if you want a 3rd you should go for it - don’t necessarily compromise just because you already agreed to something. Try and find solutions if possible.

Pinky8383 Tue 26-May-20 08:58:43

Thank you everyone....I'm sure it will pass in time and you're probably right @Neednewwellies....we are going through the transition period with BF, weaning, moving into his own room etc so it's probably all just hitting me at once! Sounds like these emotional pangs are normal and I'm sure it will ease in time....I know that it's the right decision for us...it's just a head over heart thing I suppose isn't it!
....and thank you to @Moonlite & @Letsallscreamatthesistene too....like I said I am truly grateful for what I have and wasn't moaning by any means, I know people have it a lot worse, was just venting how I feel and looking for some kind words I suppose xx

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Letsallscreamatthesistene Tue 26-May-20 08:36:59

@lifematters people are allowed to express sadness. Please dont be one of those people whos mantra is 'im worse off than you, so you cant express yourself around me'

Miseryl Tue 26-May-20 08:33:40

Yes, mine are 4 and 14 and I feel sad there won't be any more. Had I had my youngest a lot sooner, I would have liked another one but I'm lucky to have the the two that I do.

calamityjam Mon 25-May-20 23:13:07

I had my tubes tied after my last Dc. That was 12 years ago now, but over the last 2 years, lots of friends seem to be having second time around families. We all had children in our 20s and they are now grown up but now in our 40s, they seem to be starting again. At first I thought they were mad to start all over after so long but the more I think about it, the more I would've loved another baby. Obviously it's never going to happen but I can always look forward to grandkids.

Poetryinaction Mon 25-May-20 22:59:17

That sounds hard OP. I thought I would always feel like you but after number 3 I was absolutely sure that was that.

Rebelwithallthecause Mon 25-May-20 22:12:08

I don’t want a 3rd child but I gave birth to my 2nd last week and also feel sad at the thought that it’s the last time il experience pregnancy, birth, the feelings of movement.

I know I’m lucky. I didn’t think I’d have one let alone 2 due to fertility issues, but it’s still an emotional thought knowing it will never happen again. It’s so final.

I hope it passes. Any time these feelings get me down I start to think of all the things that I will soon be able to do again that I couldn’t if a 3rd was on the cards

Neednewwellies Mon 25-May-20 21:59:20

It depends if your feelings are because you want a third child or just another newborn baby. I felt the way you do after 2 but it definitely went after my last and I knew I was done. I don’t know how old you are but I had my youngest when I was 42. On paper we should also have stopped at 2 due to finances, age and logistics (car, house etc) but I’m so glad we didn’t. That’s not to say it’s not right for you to stop. You’ve made a reasoned and sensible decision. You’ll probably find as your youngest gets easier and moves past the first year and starts walking and talking etc that you’ll be glad to have some calm back in your life. Getting rid of the pram is a big milestone and we really felt more removed from all that once our youngest turned 3. You move onto another stage of parenting with school and hobbies and fun weekends away and you’ll look at parents still stuck in the baby stage and think thank goodness it’s not me! With a 5mth old, hormones are probably playing a big part too esp if you’re BF and weaning off the boob.

AnneLovesGilbert Mon 25-May-20 21:50:57

I feel like that, not often but I get pangs. I had 5 miscarriages before DD and went through two surgeries and a huge number of drugs to get her to stick. DH is in his 40s, has two older DC and we just can’t go through the stress of trying again.

DD is incredible, the absolute light of my life and I get torn between thinking we’d get another one like her, which would be amazing, and her older brother and sister adore her, and then not wanting to risk the whole awful rollercoaster again and miss out on her toddler years filling myself with drugs trying to get another one to stick knowing what I’d go through if it fails. I loved being pregnant once we were over the worst of the stress and her birth wasn’t ideal but I’d do it again. I loved the newborn days. But it’s not going to happen and I’ll come to terms with that part of our lives being behind us and focus on what we have to be thankful for.

Enjoy your baby smile

Moonlite Mon 25-May-20 21:50:44

@LifeMatters she just said she is grateful for what she has and knows she is blessed hmm she can still express her feelings and see if other people have similar feelings.

Mischance Mon 25-May-20 21:47:25

I was the same - and another one appeared 6 years later! - a happy afterthought who has brought great joy.

RandomMess Mon 25-May-20 21:41:34

I still felt sad after having 4, I think it's a kind of grief and acceptance you need to work through for some people they feel it quite intensely others are actually relieved that they won't be doing it again!

BlueCookieMonster Mon 25-May-20 21:35:04

Ah Pinky, my two are a lot older than yours and I still have that pang for a third child. Realistically, it wouldn’t work for our family (although if an unplanned came along so be it).

However, whilst I miss the opportunity for another child. I have enough with the ones I have, plus I don’t think my mental health would take it.

LifeMatters Mon 25-May-20 21:24:02

We had ivf to have our 4 year old and due to financial reasons as well as age we cannot have another baby. So you are lucky you could have 2 babies. My son will never have a brother or a sister. Be grateful for what you have. You are blessed

Pinky8383 Mon 25-May-20 21:19:50

Does anyone else feel like this? I have a 4 year old and a 5 month old and we've both said that we can't realistically have anymore (financially, age, logistics etc) and I know that it's the right thing but can't help but feel sad thinking I'll never be pregnant again, never give birth and have another baby again and would have loved just one more to complete our family 😢 I'm so so grateful for what I have and know how lucky I am but doesn't stop me feeling emotional. Does this feeling pass? I really hope so 🤞🤞

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