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My little girls naughty friends.

(25 Posts)
lottie7 Thu 20-Sep-07 13:56:12

Please please help. I have a little girl who will be 3 in October. She really is a happy, friendly, sweet little girl. Where do I start.....there is a little girl who is 4 who lives accross the road from us who has 2 older brothers who I personally think do not behave very well at all. I caught the girl accross the road trying to teach my two year old to stick up her middle finger. I marched her straight back home to her mother and her Mum scooped her up gave her a big hug and said "oh darling, you've learnt that off your brotheres" I couldn't believe it, she never even got told off. Thankfully my little girl didn't pick up the finger thing. Secondly, my daughter started pre-school the other week. She was sitting down reading a story book and there was a big boy there who wanted her book. What did he do......he thumped her really hard. Needless to say she cried and cried. The little boy was made to apologise (probably because I didn't look pleased) and my little girl had to say "That's ok" but in my opinion it really isn't ok. Thirdly, yesterday I was round having a cup of tea with one of my friends and my daughter was sitting doing a puzzle playing quite happily. My friends son came over and hit her over the head with a woodan toy. His mother just said "He often gets quite angry when he needs a poo"!!! He was made to say sorry and again my daughter said "That's ok". The whole situation is driving me mad. one of my friends said "thats life and they learn that way". I really don't agree. Why does my little girl have to be hit and hurt by other children who are apparently learning? If I was at the supermarket and someone hit me, I would call the police! It quite simply isn't life. Surely children should be tought from the start that it is wrong and you should never hurt anyone? I would really appreciate everyone elses take on this. I'm sorry for ranting but I'm sure it's a natural reaction and anyone would feel the same way if they saw their child get hurt.

Summerdressesandlacyboots Thu 20-Sep-07 14:00:12

Aah poor wee thing. Makes you feel like a lioness doesnt it when they get hurt.

Is she your 1st/only child?

lulumama Thu 20-Sep-07 14:00:15

does your daughter ever hit / push/ pull / shout/ grab a toy/ bite / lash out ?

if not then you are very, very , very lucky.

i'm afraid in a group of toddlers / young children, there is shoving and hitting , and it is unavoidable. If the child apologised, then that is good, it is the start of learning about being more community minded.

If you are not prepared to accept that this is a part , rightly or wrongly of growing up, then you had better not let your daughter go to preschool again.

sorry if that sounds harsh ,but children are not paragons of virtue, and do not understand about other people's feelings and sensitivites, they see something, they want it, they will go all out to get it.

it does get better.

TheApprentice Thu 20-Sep-07 14:01:01

Of course no-one wants to see their child hurt, and of course children have to learn that hitting is wrong. But isnt that what they are being taught when asked to say sorry?

I'm sorry that your little girl is being hurt, but she is going to come across it from time to time in pre-school and school. Some children are just more boisterous than others and you cant expect them to be always beautifully behaved at that age.

lulumama Thu 20-Sep-07 14:02:11

i think i sounded a bit harsh blush

but how else do children learn... they do not exit the womb with a book of etiquette... it is a learning process, and learning to apologise is part of it

HuwEdwards Thu 20-Sep-07 14:02:36

Well yes it is a natural reaction, I have often had to restrain myself in similar situations.

BUT with regard to the hitting thing, the fact is that small children can often not articulate their needs in anything other than a physical way - and this is how they learn.

The sticking fingers up - well, a difficult one for you to police as they're not your kids.

If only we could wrap them up in cotton wool eh?

FranSanDisco Thu 20-Sep-07 14:05:53

I'm afraid I agree with your friend that this is life and your dd will have to learn how to deal with pushes and shoves. Of course the child doing the pushing and hitting should be told not to but it may take time for them to learn the consequences. Your dd is still quite young and may one day be the child who pushes another child or snatches a toy. To think all children are naughty and yours is perfect is setting you up for a fall I'm afraid.

DarrellRivers Thu 20-Sep-07 14:07:30

And seriously, what goes around comes around.
Maybe your DD will go through an awful stage of hitting and shoving as well.
My two seem to be constantly scraping woith each other and I have turned into hoarse voiced fish wife [never imagined it would come to this emotion]

lottie7 Thu 20-Sep-07 14:22:05

Summerdreeandlacyboots You're right, I do feel like a lioness! She is my only one, but I would feel the same if I had two.

Llumama I am aware that they are not born with a book of etiquette, however if my little girl randomly smashed another child over the head with a wooden toy I would at least make her stand out the room for a minute so she really knew it was wrong, because what i've seen so far is hitting, "sorry", hitting "sorry".

I'm not trying to say my little girl is perfect, but surly children at 4 years old should not know what the middle finger means and surly at very nearly 3 children should know that hitting is wrong?

lulumama Thu 20-Sep-07 14:25:24

well, your idea of discipline obviously differs from your friends idea.

at nearly 3, children probably know it is wrong, but in the heat of the moemnt, without all the self control of an older child, they do hit or push or shove

teh middle finger is wrong, and the mum was wrong for not acknowleding that , but you cannot expect that 2 , 3, 4 year olds will behave rationally and reasonably at all times.

they simply do not have the capacity to do so, as they are driven by what they want now and it does take time for this to sink in.

SauerKraut Thu 20-Sep-07 14:37:48

Or maybe she didn't want to tell her child off in front of you? I know I would do it behind closed doors. Although I would have apologised on her behalf, since she is too young to know the significance of the middle finger.

LadyVictoriaOfCake Thu 20-Sep-07 14:43:17

see you cant win,. if you dont make your kids say sorry then you are worng in some peoples eyes, if you diont physcially opunish your kids, or send them in time out, then you are also wrong in others eyes.

so i give up. i will disapline my child my way (be it 'sorry' or time out, btw my dd3 isnt yet 3 and occasionally goes in time out), if you dont mind.

and yes, some kids do hit out mroe than others, some kids screech more than others, no child is perfect.

[sighs] as utterly fed up.

brimfull Thu 20-Sep-07 14:49:47

I think you should have called the police straight away grin

sorry,don't mean to be flippant but I agree with your friend,you'll just have to get used to it.

LOl at the boy who gets aggressive when he needs a poo.Pmsl at that!!

LadyVictoriaOfCake Thu 20-Sep-07 14:50:52

i get agressive wheni need a poo and the kids wont leave me alone. grin

Peachy Thu 20-Sep-07 14:57:34

You ARE going to have to elarn to deal with it- until the time comes when its your kid (It Will Happen) in the wrong then youll realise why other people dont get so wound up- becasue eprfection doesn't exist.

you don't know the little child in the finger incident didn't get a rollicking after you'd left or maybe something mroe constructive, say lost pasta; as for the one that apologised- dealt with.

I feel you and your pfb may have some learning to do smile but its all part of parenting

nailpolish Thu 20-Sep-07 15:34:39

i think you are aall being v harsh
lottie, i have a dd (my 2nd) who sounds like your dd
if anyone even breathes on her i roar at them and want to rip their head off blush

there is no need for your dd to say "its ok".
sad my dd2 does that and it breaks my heart

just give her lots and lots of cuddles and that way she knows you are on her side.

Fimbo Thu 20-Sep-07 15:37:52

I used to feel like that Lottie & NP having had a girl, until my ds came along <<sighs>>.

nailpolish Thu 20-Sep-07 15:40:20

i have 2 girls, its strange because i dont feel like that with dd1 (as much, i do care if anyone wallops her, honest) but dd2 is my baby blush

Peachy Thu 20-Sep-07 15:42:04

I think pfb can be perfect little baby for some (me!) instead

must out myself as a Mum of 3 boisterous boys though [blsh] which could be why i am so pragmatic..... girls are Alien to me! (ahve no idea what this bump is of course)

Lizzylou Thu 20-Sep-07 15:43:29

Lottie, I completely understand where you are coming from, I really do, I was the same with Ds1 (3.5yrs), he was never the sort to hit/bite/push etc and it always seemed to happen to him...until recently and now Ds2 (18mths) is learning from his big brother. We have our work cut out trying to make them both realise that this is not good behaviour.

It is sooo embarrassing when your child pushes another and I would always make Ds1 say sorry and if he did something again I take him straight home/send him to his room/take away favourite toy. He isn't a naughty child, just boisterous and can forget he is quite a bit bigger than other children his age.

I guess I'm agreeing that yes, it's a stage children go through and to be expected but you do have a right to expect the other Mom's to punish/admonish their offspring if they upset your little girl.

cardy Thu 20-Sep-07 15:47:02

I agree with your friend, and other posts on here - it'll happen so you should get used to it. Well done to your dd for not retaliating, you should be proud. However children do hit, bit, throw things etc. and most parents deal with it in the way they see fit, it's not really your place to say whether it is right or wrong - it is your role to disapline your child (should the occations arise, and it will.

kiskidee Thu 20-Sep-07 15:54:50

doesn't anyone remove her toddler way from the child if he or she physically hurts another child?

nailpolish Thu 20-Sep-07 15:59:14

of course

LadyVictoriaOfCake Thu 20-Sep-07 16:05:05

of course.

Theclosetpagan Thu 20-Sep-07 16:08:11

My DS was the poor little angel who was bitten at nursery, pushed over and hit at times by other children when they wanted something he had. It's horrible to see but I guarentee you that there will come a time when your DD does the same - often it isn't overly malicious - just a matter of "I want that" and no niceties when "smash and grab" does the job better. Thankfully they do grow out of it.

BTW - my DS after being the abused went through a phase of being the abuser - he's grown out of it now thank goodness as I don't think I will ever get over hearing that he'd bitten another child.
Important thing is that the parent acknowledges it and makes points out to the child that this behaviour is wrong.

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