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He just will not settle!!

(55 Posts)
newmum234 Thu 21-May-20 13:39:19

My 4 week old has been impossible to put down recently. I’ll change, feed (formula) and burp him, hold him upright for 30 mins to help the milk go down and get him to sleep, then put him in his cot. Within minutes of me putting him down he will wake up and start crying and screaming. I’ll then give him a cuddle and if that doesn’t work, more milk. He’s having LOADS as he’s being fed practically every two hours!

I’ve tried taking him out in the sling and the pram but nothing works - he will settle in both but as soon as we get home and the pram stops moving or I take him out the sling, he will start crying and the whole cycle begins again. I’m exhausted quite frankly.

He’s pooing every day or every other day and has regular wet nappies, so no concerns there.

Do you think there’s something wrong?

OP’s posts: |
GreenTulips Thu 21-May-20 13:41:56

It’s acid reflux

Don’t lie him flat

The muscle above his stomach hasn’t closed properly yet and leaks acid when put flat

Tile the cot with a pillow under the mattress or legs on books

Put his head on a cushion for ally changes etc

Don’t lie flat ever!!!

The milk with smoothie the acid

GreenTulips Thu 21-May-20 13:42:32

Nappy changes!

Tilt not tile - although it could catch on

Persipan Thu 21-May-20 13:47:45

Sounds really normal! He's a baby, they're weird little things.

To whatever extent you can, you'll probably have more luck getting him to nap if you don't put him down. Will he nap on you? If so, maybe some naps need to happen that way for a while. I'd also suggest not taking him out of the sling - just leave him in it round the house while you get on with things. None of that really helps you to get any rest yourself, admittedly, but it does at least help make sure he's getting some and not getting overtired. Best of luck!

adag Thu 21-May-20 13:48:01

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time... I have a 3 month old non-sleeper so can empathise! My first was a dream sleeper so it's not something you are doing / not doing, he's just very little and his own person! How is his weight gain? That should give some indication if he has too much milk....
Will he stay asleep if you don't transfer to the cot and keep cuddling? I was told to try:
- white noise
- swaddling or putting blankets around the side of the cot / Moses basket so he feels a bit more closed in
- hot water bottle so the cot doesn't feel cold
- put down with something that smells of you so he doesn't notice you are not there
- try to put down drowsy but not asleep (ha ha!)
- make it as dark as you can
- will he take a dummy to help settle himself?

None of these have been a miracle cure for us but it is getting a bit better (sort of!)

In the meantime keep up the caffeine levels at all times 😂

newmum234 Thu 21-May-20 13:49:04

Thanks. That’s kind of what I’m confused about - is it acid reflux or just normal baby behaviour?

OP’s posts: |
Felinewoman Thu 21-May-20 14:17:39

I spent the first 10 weeks or so sitting on the sofa holding a baby...
I think it's normal. It's called 4th trimester for a reason. They are just little worms at that stage and just want mommy to be there.
Mine still wakes up immediately when pram stops or i stop walking when she's in a sling... At 17 weeks old

Spam88 Thu 21-May-20 14:27:22

I wouldn't assume reflux, sounds like totally normal newborn behaviour.

StoppinBy Thu 21-May-20 14:33:34

My friend had a baby like this, never settled, cried the minute he was put down etc. It was SILENT reflux (emphasis on the silent as it took so long to get a diagnosis and therefore help as it wasn't obvious).

I would certainly look in to it with your health nurse. If it's nothing, Great, if it's something though you don't want to leave it.

My babies have always slept in their cots reliably but never in their prams/car etc so yes all babies are different but this sounds extreme.

StoppinBy Thu 21-May-20 14:36:51

Also, as above, the best trick to get baby to sleep in the cot is to put down awake but almost asleep.

Both mine were breast fed so would often fall asleep during a feed, I would purposely jiggle ever so slightly so that they woke just a fraction. The reason a lot of babies wake screaming within minutes is because they were with you one second then all of a sudden they start to rouse a little and realise they have no idea where you went, if they go down a little awake they know where they are.

Worked wonders for my eldest when I started it at 4 months and my youngest I did it from birth.

zaffa Thu 21-May-20 14:43:16

I think some babies just like being held. It's no good if you don't have the time etc but DD (almost six months) still pretty much always naps on me or in the sling. She goes down at night after sleeping on me for a good hour or so but on the whole she doesn't like being put down. I just learnt to live with it and accepted that I too get two or three breaks a day with a baby lying on my chest - but that doesn't work for everyone especially if there are other children or chores to be done!

Sorry OP no practical advice here

newmum234 Thu 21-May-20 15:04:35

I would certainly look in to it with your health nurse. If it's nothing, Great, if it's something though you don't want to leave it.

I did mention silent reflux to the health visitor, and they said that if I’m concerned I could see the GP for baby Gaviscon. But from what I’ve read on here it’s basically useless.

OP’s posts: |
Laylor Thu 21-May-20 15:28:20

This is normally baby behaviour I would say. You have to remember 4 weeks ago your baby was tucked up in your tummy comfy. Listening to you from the inside. Hearing your heart beat, feeling your warmth. Your baby just wants to be held by you. It's such a big thing for a baby to deal with. New sounds, smells and even the air is new to them. Sit and embrace your baby , hold them all the time if you can. You cannot spoil a baby at such a young age.

My baby just turned 12 weeks and he naps on my 9 out of 10 times, yes I csnt get much done but I'm lucky with the lockdown and husband being on furlough. Maybe would be a different scenario if he was at work. I love sitting about cuddling my baby. Yes he dosent self settle just yet but hes 12 WEEKS OLD! hes a happy baby and has just only 1 feed over night.

Enjoy your baby because I was just like you at the beginning and all the stressing about him not being put in his moses basket really spoilt my time with him. Now I'm led by him for naps and feeds and just have a loose bedtime routine

Good luck x

Ihaveoflate Thu 21-May-20 15:28:55

Gaviscon was not useless for us, so don't let that put you off trying. Reflux is normal for many newborns and will resolve in time, but there are things you can do if it's really causing distress (all things already mentioned).

My baby would never lie flat at that age and screamed in the car seat, and pretty much anywhere apart from in a sling. I just didn't bother putting her down until she was about 8 weeks, and she was on Gaviscon by then.

It does get better. Just go with it for now - do anything you can to survive. If they need holding at all times now, it doesn't mean they will always need it. I spent many an hour stuck under a baby but she was napping and sleeping well in a cot from 4 or 5 months.

Laylor Thu 21-May-20 15:29:35

And we use baby gaviscon and it helps. Xx

Letsallscreamatthesistene Thu 21-May-20 15:30:47

Dont take what you read on MN as gospel. Lots have people have had success with baby gaviscon.

I think the oasophageal spincter doesnt close properly for a while yet and I think its something they grow out of. To find out for sure though you could put a blanket or a pillow UNDER the cot mattress, and lie him with his head up the higher end. If this lets him settle then you can assume its reflux of some kind.

newmum234 Thu 21-May-20 16:11:18

Thanks. I also read that baby Gaviscon can cause constipation, which I want to avoid if possible, as it’s just replacing one problem with another. I will try raising one end of the mattress as suggested and see if that makes any difference to the baby’s sleep. I thought babies were meant to sleep totally flat, so wasn’t sure if it was allowed!

OP’s posts: |
newmum234 Thu 21-May-20 16:14:43

Your baby just wants to be held by you. It's such a big thing for a baby to deal with.

I hadn’t thought of it from that perspective; that’s really helpful, thanks. Although I do feel like a crap mum now for not holding my baby enough. I just feel that I need some space to myself sometimes, selfish as that probably is. You sound like a great mum btw!

OP’s posts: |
Ihaveoflate Thu 21-May-20 16:14:48

I had a next to me crib which had adjustable legs, so one end could be higher than the other. Put something under the mattress, like a rolled up towel or a book.

Laylor Thu 21-May-20 17:06:28

Thanks @newmum234 you sound super great too. It's certainly not selfish one bit so please dont feel like that. You have no idea how much I'm dying to palm my baby of to parents to spend the day with my husband and just have time to ourselves. I'm sure most mums will agree.

I had a lengthy chat with my health visitor on Monday about routine and holding baby too much etc and she put my mind at rest. She said she never got her children in a routine until they were 1 year old. Babies change so much all the time.

Personally I would ignore what people say about routine and just be led by your baby. It does get easier I swear. I was in tears most days when my baby was similar age and everyone said it gets easier and I didnt believe them but honestly it does.

Dont feel bad about holding baby enough. Baby is 4 weeks old.

The problem is there is that much advise on the internet about making a rod for your own back holding too much that you follow what and you stress about it and it's never ending and you can really beat yourself up about it.

I wouldnt lift the cot as all the antenatal classes I went on were dead against it. I'm in the UK not sure where you are. Baby should be led completely flat.

Once baby gets older get a rocker or a play mat. We have a joie rocker. Its pricey but my baby loves it. The top bit comes off so I can carry him about the house.

You sound like you are doing a fantastic job. You brought a baby in to the world. That in itself is such an achievement.

I dont know if you can private message on here but feel free too if you want to chat more. A problem shared is a problem halved my mama says xx

Laylor Thu 21-May-20 17:07:29

And yes my baby was seriously constipated but we were advised to give 2.5ml of lactulose twice a day and it works a treat xx

Letsallscreamatthesistene Thu 21-May-20 17:29:33

Hi @laylor

When I was in hospital with my newborn they had tilted cots. My baby slept in a tilted cot for the 1st week of his life with his head at the high end.

Babies arent supposed to sleep with pillows because that put a right angle in the airway. They are allowed to sleep in a tilted position because they are 'flat', but theres no angle or bend in the airway.

Laylor Thu 21-May-20 17:43:45

Hello @Letsallscreamatthesistene. I'm not saying I'm right it's just what we had drummed in to us at antenatal classes only about 14 weeks ago.

It's the same with babies sleeping on front. I'd love nothing more to put my baby on his tummy for bed as he loves it but when your told by professionals not to do something you follow their advise. Especially with first baby xx

Letsallscreamatthesistene Thu 21-May-20 17:49:57

My point was that tilted sleeping is done in hospitals, so the hard and fast rule 'dont do it' isnt right, regardless of what your ante natal class say.

Laylor Thu 21-May-20 18:12:26

Okay let's just agree to disagree.

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