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Feeling broody for 3rd Child but large age gap

(47 Posts)
queenqueenqueen Wed 20-May-20 22:24:43

Ok so I'm sure I'm not the first person to post with this sort of question but can anyone help me , advice , words of wisdom or reality check?!?

I am feeling so so broody for another baby right now!! I have loved being with my two during lockdown they are 6 and 4 and absolutely lovely!! I have a boy and a girl

My littlest one is starting reception this time and and I'm not sure if I'm yearning for my. 2 being little again (*sob*) but I really feel like I want another baby. I keep trying to shake the idea because there'd be an almost 6 Year age gap between imaginary baby and my youngest and then almost 8 between my DS.

Bad idea? ??

OP’s posts: |
whatty Wed 20-May-20 22:36:05

I had a baby last November, and my older two children are 5 & 7 (girl & boy) so very similar gap to the one you're envisioning. I would definitely say go for it!
Our baby has been such a ray of sunshine in our family. The older two dote on him and are really helpful too. I feel that the older two will learn lots from caring for the little one- and hopefully be more understanding/ helpful/ emotionally connected older children/ adults!
It is obviously tricky at times- but the older two get the tricky-ness, and we try and spend one of one time with them to ensure they don't feel like all our attention is on baby.
Hope that makes sense- and good luck with your decision. I remember reading on lots of mumsnet boards when we were deciding, that you won't regret going for it, but might regret it if you don't.

Rubyred24 Wed 20-May-20 23:00:17

I've anyways wanted 3. Mine are 8 and 10 now and I don't fancy the whole play group / starting school / meeting new people but if I want another I'll have too.

HettyStThomas Wed 20-May-20 23:04:33

My mother had a big age gap. There is only 18 months between me and DB1, but there is 10 years between me and DB2.
We got on fine as kids, she said we were more helpful and less demanding so she could focus on DB2. When we left for uni he was suddenly on his own but he loved it as he took over our bedrooms and enjoyed being spoilt. Now we are adults we don't really notice the age gap.

queenqueenqueen Wed 20-May-20 23:09:51

Ahh thanks everyone! Really wasn't expecting positive responses I thought everyone was just going to say that I had gone mad!

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arinah Thu 21-May-20 10:46:10

I was the baby of the family for 9 years, so I was over the moon when my sister was born 😁 none of us really got to have the baby experience since we're all closer in age, so we loved having a baby around! The only downside I would say is that DS didn't really get that full 'parent experience' since DM and DF were a fair bit older by then, and was essentially raised by us.

Inforthelonghaul Thu 21-May-20 10:56:34

7yr age gap between my middle one and youngest, not planned just how it turned out. It ls definitely more complicated and days out that interest everyone are fairly non existent other than the beach and big theme parks but would I change it, no not for anything.

Papergirl1968 Thu 21-May-20 11:27:52

I was that youngest child by seven and nine years and I feel like I got all of the disadvantages of being an only child (no one to play with) and none of the advantages (parents still had to buy for three at Christmas and birthdays etc).
It was fine while I was little but by the time I was about nine my sisters were off socialising together, seeing boyfriends etc - and both moved out and married in their early 20s which seems very young now but was normal back then.
I was lonely, trailing around after DM and DF who were well into middle age then.
If you’re going to have that sort of age gap, could you consider having another child, so there are an older pair and a younger pair?

Papergirl1968 Thu 21-May-20 11:31:04

And we’re not close now.
Their children are similar ages so had cousins to play with when they younger, but there’s a big age gap between them and my dds.

Ivyr0se Thu 21-May-20 11:33:46

I think a lot of people get that broodiness when their youngest starts school.
I'd honestly give it time and see does it pass.
Sometimes the rosy glasses let us forget how challenging the baby bit can be.

That been said, if you are both sure then go for it. I wouldn't let age gap stop you!

tiredanddangerous Thu 21-May-20 11:55:47

I think it’s quite usual for the broodiness to come and go. I still get pangs of it and my youngest is 10. I think my age is making it worse tbh; I’m about to turn 40 so am well aware that it’s likely to be impossible very soon anyway! Luckily (?) for me DH has always been unwaveringly dead set against a 3rd so deep down I know it isn’t actually an option.

augustusglupe Thu 21-May-20 11:56:20

I put off having a second child. I’m mid fifties now and my only real regret in life is not having more children. Luckily I have my grown up DD.
It’s really not much of an age gap. I’m the youngest by 12 years!!

CroissantsAtDawn Thu 21-May-20 12:21:30

Lockdown definitely increases broodiness. I don't want a 3rd cos I know I wouldn't cope. Yet being at home with DH around much more, no school runs, commute, activities, medical appointments, parties, travelling etc etc it all seems much easier. I know that once life goes back to normal I'll be thinking again how impossible a 3rd would be

Bol87 Thu 21-May-20 13:36:09

I’ve got a 9 week old, I’ll ring you at 1am, 3am, 5am & up for the day at 6am (cos 3 year old is an early riser) 😂 I’ll also give you a call every time baby cries & make sure you can’t you can’t get anything done such as housework or playing with your older children until the cryings stopped (can be hours) .. you may change your mind.. 😉

queenqueenqueen Thu 21-May-20 15:46:05

@papergirl1968 ahh thanks for your reply! Yes I would consider that depending on how DH felt haha! He's a bit older than me (10 years) and I'm 33 so he's bit worried bout being a v old dad x

OP’s posts: |
Puds11 Thu 21-May-20 15:47:05

I have a baby and a 12 year old 🤷‍♀️

queenqueenqueen Thu 21-May-20 15:47:09

@ivyr0se I feel like that's what I've tried to do and it hasn't!!

OP’s posts: |
Papergirl1968 Thu 21-May-20 15:51:25

A friend of mine is in his late 50s and has two little ones with his much younger wife, Queen, so your DH is a spring chicken yet!

BuffaloCauliflower Thu 21-May-20 15:55:49

My siblings and I have the exact age spacing you’re proposing, and you’re basically the same age as my DM when she had her last. It worked fine for us and I want at least 3 myself - I will say the only trickiness is planning activities with such a spread, like what rides are you going on at Thorpe Park with a 4 year old and a 12 and 10 year old? What are you doing on holiday days out, what film are you watching all together. I think my youngest sister did feel a bit ‘spare’ at times, but it not a deal breaker, just something to be aware of

BuffaloCauliflower Thu 21-May-20 15:57:40

My DM said if they’d had more money she’d have had a 4th to make another pair, as mentioned above. Not essential but worth thinking about.

queenqueenqueen Thu 21-May-20 18:27:01

Ahh thanks! Everyone seems to be having babies at the moment which I don't think is helping!! Xx

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DoAsYouWouldBeMumBy Thu 21-May-20 19:05:07

I'm the youngest in my family, and there's a similar age gap between me and my nearest sister. I was her pet, and when we grew up we became best friends. We are the closest pair in the whole family, even though - or perhaps because - we have the biggest age gap.

Orangecake123 Thu 21-May-20 19:15:01

Go for it op. There's 11 and 9 years between my youngest sisters.

Another friend has a sister 12 years younger then her and now again her mother gave birth to twins so there's more than 19 years between them.

Papergirl1968 Thu 21-May-20 19:17:21

I think the dynamic differs depending on whether there are two older siblings or only one. Eg one older sister and a younger sister might be closer than if there are two older sisters and a younger sister.
Gender also comes into it as well as personality, of course.

TankGirl97 Thu 21-May-20 19:22:20

I had dc3 last year, older two were 6 and 4. It's actually really lovely, they adore the baby and I can ask them to help out a little.

There are the age old issues of less time, less money, car too small for three car seats, house too small for 5 etc. If you can get past those issues, the age gap is no problem at all.

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