*trigger warning sexual harm* totally posting for traffic feeling desperate

[QuestionableDanceMoves]

My 6 year old daughter told me this evening that her 12 year old brother, my son, put his penis in her mouth this afternoon.
Initially he denied it, then said he’d only said it to her as a joke and hadn’t done anything but eventually confessed it was the truth and he had done it
He says he doesn’t know why, they both said it’s never happened before, he said he knew it was wrong to do it but did it anyway.
Their father, my exh, was emotionally and physically abusive towards me when we were together, we’ve been apart for 4 years now, which my son witnessed. He had some counselling in the initial aftermath of his father leaving but has always struggled with his emotions and anger and often says he feels out of control.

I don’t know what to do. I told my daughter she did the absolute right thing by telling me. There’s only me and the 2 kids, I have no one else. I don’t want his life to be ruined but I know this behaviour can’t go unchecked, he needs help
How do I get it for him? What do I do? I can’t believe he’s done this

[understandmenow]

Jeez, I don't want to read and run, but I'm sorry.

Did the actual act happen or did he "ask", your OP isn't clear.

Keep calm.

[QuestionableDanceMoves]

It actually happened

[Oldstyle]

No expertise I'm sorry, just a hand-hold. Desperate situation, especially hard to have to deal with it on your own. Hope you can find appropriate help OP.

[Wynston]

Op im not sure what youre next steps should be im sure that someone will be along in a minute to help. (Im thinking a call to nspcc).
I just wanted to say we are here for you.

[GeorgiaWeLoveYou]

More counselling is necessary OP. Not sure what other advice to offer other than do not leave them alone together for the time being.

[LouiseTrees]

I would phone the NSPCC. Make clear that they are both children and your concern is for both of them. Perhaps they would be able to set up different counselling? Sorry I can’t think of anything else to help. I would confine your son to his room just now though as punishment and remove any tech from the room.

[HollowTalk]

What a difficult situation. You have to get help, OP. I would start with getting the counselling back up and running.

[understandmenow]

Counselling 100 percent

[Glovesick]

Try Lucy Faithfull they might be able to sign post you? V hard situation. Don't do anything too hasty, but also you are right, you need to do something.

Does DS know about oral sex? I didn't at that age I don't think, I only knew the basic stuff. So he might not have really understood what he was doing.

Is your DD ok?

[caramac04]

You need to get specialist help for your son, it is available but how you access it I’m not sure. I would suggest your GP in the first instance.
A friend was sexually abused by her sibling at that age with same age gap. It went on for years even after parental intervention.
Be proud your daughter was able to tell you straight away. That shows huge trust.
I’m sorry for you all in this situation. Please get your son the help he needs and also think if your daughter needs to talk her feelings through.

[QuentinWinters]

Oh poor you.
Firstly I don't necessarily think your son intended to harm your DD, he may have been copying something hes seen/been shown on the internet. Unfortunately they do share porn around a lot younger

I think your ex's behaviour is not relevant but I know it's hard, I have an EA ex and struggle with my kids behaviour sometimes for that reason.

I'd talk to your son, curiously, about why that occurred to him, and then about appropriate boundaries/consent/sexual relationships

You are absolutely right to support your DD how you have.

for you. I think it's quite normal for siblings to try stuff they have seen/heard about out, but that doesn't make it ok

[VodselForDinner]

Oh OP, I don’t know what to say. Awful situation for you all and I have no advice for you, just sympathy because it sounds so awfully hard to have to deal with.

I think I’d also be having a look at what he’s accessing online etc to come up with the idea to do what he did.

[Zombiemum1946]

Counselling and maybe try to find out where he got the idea or inclination to do this to his sister.

[QuestionableDanceMoves]

She’s ok, she said it made her feel sick but then she wanted to give him a hug when I was talking to him about it because he was upset

The counselling was free through womens aid but I’ve exhausted the number of sessions there and CAMHS don’t want to know.

I keep a tight eye on his internet usage so I know he hasn’t been watching or accessing porn- maybe people at school have talked about it? I don’t know why he thought it was something he wanted to do when he says he knew it was wrong

I’ve emailed NSPCC because the phone lines shut, I will look at lucy faithfull

He has had all tech removed

[AvoidingRealHumans]

I would say give the nspcc a call, they will be able to advise you.
Its difficult because he is your son but if this was a boy from outside of your home who had done this what would you do?
I think you need to do that.

I hope your daughter is ok and it's great that she was able to tell you and so quickly after it happened.

Obviously in the meantime dont leave them alone together.

[RJnomore1]

You need to call social work immediately

Your dd has been abused and your ds needs urgent support too.

[Birdsong20]

This is a very tricky situation. He has probably heard about sexual activities in the playground, maybe even on the internet. He might have started to get sexual urges with the onset of puberty.
You need to speak very honestly to him about boundaries, consent and the severity of doing something like that. Has he got a guide to puberty so he can understand what is happening to his body?

[Nicknacky]

I agree with RJnomore1. I’m having to sit on my hands at some of the minimising posts on here.

Op, you will be in complete shock, and it will take time for this to sink in. But your son has raped your daughter and you will need to contact the social work and police. It won’t be easy but it has to be done. For your daughters sake.

[iklboo]

You need to contact social services now OP

[milkysmum]

You absolutely need to involve social services so they can objectively ensure safeguards are in place.

[loopylindazdaughter]

I wouldn't be calling the police at all!! FFS it's her son and he's 12!

Try not to punish him too much at this point, he's no point just as confused at his actions than you are.

I would be insisting that he tells you where this came from.

[iklboo]

Wait. He put his penis in his six year old sister's mouth and the answer is to buy him a book on his changing body? I'm pretty sure most of us got through puberty without sexually assaulting siblings.

[Doesabear]

Agree children's social care. Also check out the Brook sexual behaviours traffic light tool. That is classed as a 'red' behaviour requiring immediate intervention. Sorry this has happened OP.

[understandmenow]

You do 100% need outside help OP, you cannot deal with this alone.

[AvoidingRealHumans]

So it's ok because it's her son so let's not call the police.
What about if it was the boy from next door?

Its difficult all round but it would be bang out of order to let this slide. Poor daughter and also who knows if his behaviour will get worse?