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Son wearing a dress, how do we deal with others

(7 Posts)
Pitterpotter Fri 15-May-20 06:10:54

This is new territory for me and I'm unsure what to do so please don't get cross if I say something unintentionally offensive.

After a game we recently played (my DS set it up for us all to swap clothes amongst other tasks) it would appear my ds (almost 7) would like to wear skirts/dresses. This is something I'm fine with him doing but very 'not fine' with what may come with it from other people.
He's free to express himself in which ever way he chooses in my opinion.
My DS wanted to keep his sister's skirt on for the rest of the day which entailed numerous mocking comments from both DH and DD. He has since said he wants to wear them more often because they are comfy and has asked to wear them each day since.
I explained at the time to my dd that it's fine for her to wear her football kit every day, which her brother's wear, so it's fine for her brother to wear whatever he finds comfortable.
How do I deal with others when they make comments, specifically family? The elder ones will be the worst.
We are from a small town and with that comes small minded people who are only exposed to "different" people in the media (yes places like that really do still exist)
I hate labelling what he is doing as different and the fact that I'm having to read so much in to him wearing a bloody skirt but I want to be prepared for the inevitable wave of crap that could come his way for doing so.

OP’s posts: |
Sunsage Fri 15-May-20 10:46:24

There's a drag kid that I follow on Instagram (Desmondisamazing) and his parents had all went to counselling to try and work out the best way to help with the early days of him dressing up, and it always stuck in my mind that the counsellor told his family to basically ignore him and not make a deal out of it and if he likes to keep doing it he will or else it'll pass as a phase.

Now for members of the general public/extended family that will be more difficult, I mean the best retort would be that he's happy, it's hard to teach people to think outside of their norms and I don't think a lot of these people will ever change.

Sorry that's not the best advice but people will judge and you have to just try and choose to not let it get to you.

Big hugs your way, it must be difficult but you're doing amazing

pancakepatter Fri 15-May-20 11:01:34

I have two friends whose respective sons (aged 4 and 5) wear dresses and skirts. The 4yo thinks of himself as a girl at the moment and is very persistent in correcting anyone who suggests otherwise. The 5yo just likes sparkly dresses.

Both of my friends have made their peace with some people being weird about it. Both have spoken about how family are the hardest, because they aren't shy in commenting to the kids / saying stupid things like "you can't wear that, everyone will think you're a girl" etc. I think they've found that laughing, saying "what a silly thing to say, Nana. Anyone can wear what they want" seems to be the best way to help their kids not bear the brunt of things, but it can be confrontational...maybe that's inevitable if you're trying to challenge prejudices..?

RozaDiPoza Fri 15-May-20 17:22:10

Fascinating that he didnt ask til 7? Was he not interested before then?

RozaDiPoza Fri 15-May-20 17:27:21

If he likes that style in some countries traditional men garments are gowns and wraps. Would he like a kilt?

SorryAuntLydia Fri 15-May-20 17:37:01

Buy him a kilt or a sarong or a lunghi or a veshti.
Don’t let his DH or DSis tease him.
Tell strangers you are Scottish/part Indian/ part Sri Lankan to ‘explain’ his choices if you feel you need to
Don’t make a big deal out of it
Please don’t assume he’s into drag
And please please don’t tell him that he must be a girl or a trans girl- he’s just a boy who at the moment likes to wear comfy swishy skirts - he will probably want to dress as Wolverine next month

Malone98 Sat 16-May-20 11:03:14

My DSD will only wear 'boys' clothes; will outright refuse to set foot in the 'girls' section. She has very short hair which she gets cut at a barbers, apparently. She loves 'boys' games other than playing with baby dolls. Also has a gender neutral name, by pure coincidence.

When we are out, shop keepers, etc. will call her young man. She has told us that she doesn't want to be a boy but that she prefers looking like one. So we correct people when they call her male pronouns. We get people correcting us after we correct them! Like we don't know! It can be annoying but my fiance will just calmly correct them until it gets into their heads, and they will usually apologise.

I realise this is slightly different to your situation, but my point is just correct people. Don't make a big song and dance out of it.

The fact that you support your DS will be so encouraging for him xx

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