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Feeling down, baby blues or PND?(6 Posts)
Hiya! I'm a new mum with a 3 week old DS! I have found myself feeling a little down and sort of cut off/zoned out! It's been more the last week or so, and the first week i was just so exhausted i cant really remember it!
My OH has been amazing and i know if I need him to do anything he will I just need to ask, but have found myself getting annoyed that he takes him time with some things such as getting up to make a bottle during night feeds! I'm really really struggling when DS is howling crying because hes hungry and find myself in tears because I cant soothe him quick enough and get even more frustrated when OH sits up and checks his phone before going down to do a bottle!
I dont have bad feelings towards the baby but at the same time I dont feel 'besotted'with him as everyone said i would. I wouldnt say I was overly maternal and I hadn't had any experience with a baby before having my own so I assumed maybe that was why! I dont avoid seeing to the baby but do find myself having to give him to OH when I've exhausted my methods of trying to soothe him, which in turn makes me upset thinking I'm failing as a mother.
I am also struggling with lockdown as my family live 50 miles away, so obviously haven't met the baby, and as I had a hard final trimester I haven't actually been down since xmas eve! And now I cant get down there! My dads a bit of a dinosaur with tech so no SM and I order printed photos to his house so he can see the baby but I feel rotten! I cried when he grew out of his newborn sleep suits because my dad had sent us those and now he'll never get to see him in them or while hes that small ever! I'm an only child so this is first grandchild for him and my mum passed away when I was young so hes on his own through all this too!
I'm trying to focus on other things, we're getting married next year and I want to order the stationary and stuff ready and just find it exhausting trying to do it! It's taken us a week and we've still not put the order in because I keep losing focus in it! I feel my partner deserves someone better both for him and the baby!
I rely dont know if its just as I've been stuck in, just still over tired from everything or if its PND kicking in 🤷♀️ I'm just at a loss!
I don't have much advice, but it sounds normal enough to me. Newborns are frustrating, and sleep deprivation and crying makes people short tempered. Don't worry about not feeling besotted just yet, it will come. Maybe in a few months once the baby is more interactive.
That said, it is a tough time to have a baby and it sounds like you have little support. There is no harm in reaching out to your GP or health visitor if you are worried.
If you think some virtual company would help, many baby groups have moved online, or have WhatsApp groups etc to keep in touch now. If you post on some local Facebook groups I'm sure you could find something.
It's normal to feel overwhelmed those first weeks. But if you're in doubt, talk to your midwife /HV. It could be the start of PND as I felt the same way as you after DS was born and it started to get worse.
Hope you'll be ok.
Honestly I don't think many women or men to be honest feel that besotted with a new born. They cry, the poo, they eat and they sleep. You end up feeling like that's all you do too! I'm due my second baby in 5 days so I know I will also be feeling similar. Lockdown will be having such a big impact as well!
Now that the rules have changed is it an option for you and your partner to drive and meet your father somewhere public, maintaining social distancing and just be all as one. Have a chat. Have a picnic. My husbands mum is over 70 so this won't be an option for us (she lives an hour away on her own) but hopefully something you could do?
Are you making sure you are eating well and taking vitamins? Low iron etc can really impact on your mental health without you realising as you just feel constantly drained.
Sit down and explain to your husband things that are frustrating you, but make it clear you know you may sound irrational but you can't help how you feel. My husband became a bit distant after the birth of our son. One day I'd had enough and just asked him why I felt he wasn't putting in the effort. It turned out that the birth had really scared him, I lost a lot of blood and there was a lot of panic etc. He thought I was going to die and in a small
Way felt our child was responsible. I obviously didn't and I was fine but he had got that stuck in his head and unless I'd confronted him I don't know if it would have ever gone away.
Finally relax, or try to. Enjoy your little crying whinge bag. They are frustrating but amazing.
You can travel to exercise and can meet up with one member of another household when doing so, as long as you socially distance. So perhaps your dad could meet your baby that way?
Hello, just wanted to say I have a five month old and I felt very similar to you at the beginning - I was knackered, tearful, and got really annoyed with my husband for being slow getting me things when I was stuck under a baby! I think it's pretty normal and I didn't have PND. To be honest I think it was still all my hormones adjusting, plus the shock of having a baby all of a sudden. I didn't have lockdown to contend with though so I really feel for you, it's extra tough without family around. Please don't worry that you're reacting unusually - I asked myself lots of times if I was going mad at the beginning, and then gradually I got my head round things. Talking to sympathetic midwives helped (and when I say talking I mean bursting into tears in front of!)
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