Worried about DH's attitude to child safety

I would be more concerned about why he completely ignores you and wants you to prove sensible safety measures. I think you need to be having an emergency phone call with your HV to 'check' and if he wont accept it then you have bigger issues. Stop letting him dictate what happens, you have nothing to prove, just get rid of the stand. A 7 month old doesn't need a moses basket anyway so just ditch the whole thing. Cots, play mats and play pens are fine. We had foam tiles and big rugs under play mats in case she rolled off as we have laminate flooring.

after I had my son I became very anxious. I wanted to wrap him in cotton wool and make sure he was never at any risk ever. Sometimes that meant I wanted to do things that were maybe over the top but they made me feel better and felt like we were reducing the risk. My DH definitely thought I was a bit over the top about all of it....but he still did it all. Every time. Whether I was there or not. Because he knew it was important to me to feel that our baby was as safe as possible.

I don't think what you want is over the top at all, just sounds like normal safety considerations. But my point is that your husband should be willing to listen to you and do things which make you feel more comfortable even if he doesn't 100% agree, and without needing "evidence" from a specific country.

I'd have a think about how he dismisses your concerns. Is this something he does in other areas of your life as well? I'd also put my foot down about the Moses basket etc.

You say he'll favour the advice of friends or family over experts..... But not your advice?

Sorry I think this points at a massive issue in your relationship.

Sorry just read your next post. You say you're not scared of him, but you are too worried to have normal conversations with him because of his reactions. Has this only come up since having the baby or is he like this about other issues as well?

Blaming it on cultural temperament is ridiculous. He's letting that be the excuse for his abusive behaviour.

But where will you draw the line? You can see that what he does with the Moses basket is dangerous. But you're more worried about him getting upset with you than your baby being hurt.

What if it was an argument about a car seat, and your DH wanted to travel without one/in an unsafe one? What if he left your son alone in the bath? What's the point at which your sons safety becomes more important than upsetting your husband?

I really hope that you can see that giving in to him because you don't want to deal with his reaction is a dangerous precedent to set and isn't really acceptable.

He sounds like hes getting defensive do its definitly his issue. I haven't known anyone using a moses basket past a few months old. Its not designed for this age.

I'd just get rid of it and maybe a simple option would be a travel cot in one room and playpen in the other? Save moving things around.

If she falls out she could have a serious head or spinal injury, worst case scenario. So he really does need to listen. And hes definitly not supposed to put her on a table in the moses basket.

So he's blaming his temper on you?

And his culture?

You have got way bigger problems than him putting baby in a basket on a stand. Which is idiotic by the way as baby could fling backwards and fall out.

You need to look at what constitutes abusive and controlling behaviour and identify your support network..

Popa, I think the pps have identified a real problem.

While you think about it, try doing things differently. Don't ask or discuss things with him, just confidently do what is right. Ignore the Moses basket for the moment, as it's become a point of argument.

When she outgrows a piece of equipment, put it away (attic? Garage? Bottom of wardrobe?).
Make sure you have a suitable solution for different situations- in the kitchen she should be in a high chair if you have or can get one, in the lounge, her rocker or on an activity mat.

Don't challenge him when he's doing unsafe things- he's made it clear that won't work. Just move her. Put her on the mat, in the high chair or rocker. As you do it, talk to her about how much she likes sitting in the high chair where she can see what's going on etc.

I think you need to be very, very firm in areas of safety while your child is small, when you know you're right. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and make him listen to you (as your daughter grows older this is important for her to see) even if it makes him angry. Don't be afraid to reconsider whether you would be better off without him, if he continues to be angry or dismissive whenever you express your opinions.

I understand your situation a bit as my own partner is from a similar background and has a tendency to behave in a similar way at times. I nearly left him when our first child was a baby. But now that the children have got older and I have got more confident things are much better.

I'd make him aware that if DD comes to any harm and ends up in A&E there will be questions to be answered. And you won't lie.