I’ve been smoking again and now I feel like a bad mum

[CandleFlames]

My son is now 3 weeks and 2 days, and I gave up smoking during my pregnancy. For the first three weeks after birth I didn’t drink or smoke, I just didn’t fancy it at all and the thought of either has made me feel really ill. I have bipolar disorder and OCD quite severely and the past couple of weeks have been really hard, especially not being able to see family or anything I’ve had no support beyond my partner. Last night I decided to have a drink with my partner while our baby was in his crib asleep (we had the monitor with us) and I had a glass of wine while he had a beer. We sat in the garden as it was nice weather and suddenly I got the urge to smoke. I tried to fight it for a couple of hours but I fancied one so bad! The thought of a glass of wine and a fag out in the garden sounded lovely. I ended up having one out in the garden with my wine, and afterwards straight away I went in the shower, washed my whole body, my hair, brushed my teeth, washed my hands and used mouthwash and then waited an hour until I held my baby again as my partner had him. Now I feel like an awful mum and am worried I’ve put him in danger. Does this make me a bad mum?

[SquirtleSquad]

Did you go out to buy cigarettes or were they already in your home? If you have them at home bin them, too tempting.
Are you breastfeeding?

One cigarette doesn't make you a bad mum but please, for all of you, stop.

I understand it's a stressful time but you have a brand new baby to enjoy and occupy yourself with.

Think of the money you're saving by not smoking too. If you're able to why not put how ever much you'd spend on smoking a week away in a savings account and treat yourself or your baby to something special that you can look forward to?

[CandleFlames]

@SquirtleSquad they were a half pack that my partner had from about six weeks ago when he gave up. I don’t plan on buying any or starting again. Wouldn’t go out for them as it’s not essential or worth the money!

[CandleFlames]

Also @SquirtleSquad I’m not breastfeeding I’m exclusively formula feeding!

[SquirtleSquad]

Definitely get rid of them then. Well done to you for stopping so far and for your partner also giving up.

You're not a bad mum. You've had a very anxious time of it and we are living in crazy times. Please don't add any worry to yourself for one mistake. You're doing great.

Be kind to yourself

[Nanalisa60]

It’s not the end of the world just think of it as a silly mistake, and just stop again!!

And think would you roll up £10 notes and burn them!! because that what you are doing if you smoke , and I won’t even start on about the health issue because you already know that.

Stop beating yourself up just STOP AGAIN

[DesiDiva2020]

Please keep baby asleep in the same room as you at all times whilst so small. A monitor can not prompt and remind him to breathe, being around you will