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MIL wants me to potty train at 8 months

(95 Posts)
Hwipriv Mon 27-Apr-20 23:20:21

Okay. I'll be honest. My boyfriends mother. I can't stand her. She's deathly traditional.

She thinks I am a bad mother for not potty training my 8 month old.

She claims to have done it with all her children from 4 months old.. this consists of putting them on the toilet then waiting until they pee then praising them profusely. What the actual hell.

My partner is siding with her because 'earlier is better'?! And if she managed it why can't I?!

Has anyone actually done this? This is crazy to me. I had no plans to do so until my girl is at least 18 months onwards. Help me before I go insane. Or at least, what do I say to her?! Because I am not doing it. But they said 'I'm slowing down her milestones??' As you can see I am typing this with anger lmao.

PickAChew Mon 27-Apr-20 23:22:08

She can fuck off.

If dh wants to bow to mummy's wishes, he can do all the chasing and clean up the mess. If he doesn't want to, he can stfu, too.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult Mon 27-Apr-20 23:24:09

Don't engage with her. She brought up her kid, it's your turn to bring up yours now.

He needs to stop being a mummy's boy.

mynameisigglepiggle Mon 27-Apr-20 23:24:45

Batshit crazy!!!

She didn't potty train at 4 months. She's deluded.

1stMrsF Mon 27-Apr-20 23:24:45

She's looney. My DTDs trained are 2y4m and still it was too early for one and she had accidents for a while until actually ready. Same for a friend with a DD same ageA
Earlier basically means more work for you to deal with accidents IMO.

ColdToesHere Mon 27-Apr-20 23:25:45

That’s crazy talk! No way on earth did that happen. She’s misremembering.
Tell your BF to do one and get some common sense.
If you give in on this, you’ll have years of “well, I did it this way”

exexpat Mon 27-Apr-20 23:27:17

Is she from another country? Potty training that early is not traditional in the UK, as far as I know, though people did start earlier when it was all terry-towelling nappies. Some serious attachment-parenting types do something called 'elimination communication', which is basically what your partner's mother seems to have done, but it sounds like an awful lot of time, faff, and extra laundry to me.

I think you just need to put your foot down and say no, my baby, my rules, otherwise there will be lots more things she thinks you should do.

If it helps, the NHS seems to think age 2 onwards is normal, so you certainly aren't behind the milestones in the UK: www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/potty-training-tips/

SittingAround1 Mon 27-Apr-20 23:27:49

That's crazy. Stand your ground.

Brownyblonde Mon 27-Apr-20 23:29:16

People that trip this old chestnut out are fantasists. They take a month off the age everytine they repeat the story to someone. So 18months becomes 17months... Years down the line turns into '8 months' it's crazy shit. She needs some boundaries it she's dictating when you toilet train your baby. Maybe a quick 'well dh does still occasionally wet the bed so perhaps early toilet training isn't all its cracked up to be' wink

exexpat Mon 27-Apr-20 23:29:24

If she happens to be Chinese, potty training really early is normal, but if you are British, then feel free to ignore that: theconversation.com/diapers-potties-and-split-pants-understanding-toilet-training-around-the-world-may-help-parents-relax-83752

RaspberryBubblegum Mon 27-Apr-20 23:30:21

HV's recommend you wait later now though? Or at least mine did. She said the earlier you try the more likely they won't be ready and that will make it more difficult in the long run?
Also I assume her babies were in old cloth nappies. Nowadays disposables are so absorbant babies don't realise they are wet so it's trickier to train early.
Next time she mentions it just say you'd rather take the advice of your HV grin

Pantsomime Mon 27-Apr-20 23:30:28

OP use lockdown to your advantage - bombard her with emails including research & opinions from NHS, health visitors, doctors & qualified people from internet & cc your DH & font respond to any replies - just put current research shows in subject box

Coffeecak3 Mon 27-Apr-20 23:31:04

I thought my son was young at 21 months. And that was obviously just in the daytime.
My dd was nearly 3.
4 months, your mil is deluded. That's not potty training that's just catching an occasional wee.

5lilducks Mon 27-Apr-20 23:31:21

I think parents usually start to potty train when child is around two. Everyone I know started potty training their children between 2 and two and half yrs old, though I appreciate some parents may start before. I would just speak to your hv about it and then tell Mil that you will be following hv advice. Surely the hv is more qualified to talk about milestones than your mil.

Aquamarine1029 Mon 27-Apr-20 23:31:24

Your MIL is FULL OF SHIT. All this is is a power play. She's deliberately trying to make you feel insecure and incapable. She is lying her arse off. If your partner doesn't have your back and always cows to mummy, you need to be making an exit plan, because this shit will never change. You will always come in second place to his precious mum.

Bluewater1 Mon 27-Apr-20 23:31:37

She's being ridiculous! Plus it's none of her business

frazzledasarock Mon 27-Apr-20 23:32:15

Is your boyfriend currently at home either furloughed or WFH?

Tell him to show you how to potty train your 8 month old.

Agree with him that you can’t do it but as he’s the great expert he should do it.

Then leave him in charge of all piss and shit cleaning duties.

SquirtleSquad Mon 27-Apr-20 23:32:44

Just remind her that she was free to raise her children the way she saw fit and you will be doing the same. You are the parent and she is fortunate enough to watch you and her son blossom as parents your way. If she is so sure she was such a wonderful parent she should have full trust in her perfectly raised son to know what to do!

wondertime Mon 27-Apr-20 23:33:50

WTF?! On your bike MIL

ChaBishkoot Mon 27-Apr-20 23:37:03

Hah. My Indian MIL claimed the same. Then I asked her how long BIL and DH had accidents for. She said ‘till they went to school!’ Erm.
She then saw me potty train DS1 at 2y7m in 48 hours (she was visiting from India) and she completely changed her mind. And then before I knew it she was Whatsapping me with ‘So this girl next door is potty training her son and doing it all wrong. And I told her she was doing it all wrong. And that my DIL has done it perfectly. And that she should learn from you.’
I felt very sorry for this poor woman I don’t know and I have never met. 😂😂

Reversiblesequinsforadults Mon 27-Apr-20 23:38:16

Earlier is not better in this, as in so many things. 18 mths is early. This is ridiculous.

Suchanaughtydog Mon 27-Apr-20 23:39:45

Two children out of my baby group were trained by 12 months in the day, mine by 18 months. This is cultural, and I think some of the encouragement and move for very late training has come from Pampers etc. There's no profit in early toilet use, after all. Some kids train early, done late, some cultures (typically those who don't use nappies) train earlier. I think cloth nappies can help, as the baby feels wet, and gets that feedback. Elimination communication is definitely a thing.

I wouldn't get angry. I'd say "that's interesting, but she's not ready yet, thanks". If your partner wishes to try, let him crack on, you may be surprised.

Honestly, it's a baby peeing. It's not worth anger, angst, or causing a row. If you want to wait, wait. But equally, don't dismiss her experience, that worked for her, good for her. Do what works for you.

Onehellofaride Mon 27-Apr-20 23:40:05

What a waste of time and energy! I’m sure that must be traumatic on some levels for both the child and the parent! Not sure any baby really wants to spend half their day held under their armpits over a potty confused

My DS was 18 months, it was entirely led by him he took his nappy off and went to the potty and that was it! DD on the other hand was a nightmare and she must have been at least 3.5 when she stopped regularly having accidents and probably later when she stopped completely!

KillerofMen Mon 27-Apr-20 23:40:09

If your boyfriend wants to potty train his 8 month old then tell him you're behind him 100%.

Flower1309 Mon 27-Apr-20 23:43:25

What a load of shit 😂 If your husband agrees with her tell him to crack on with the potty training, see how long he lasts. Idiots.

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