When did you decide on another baby?

[Mumakate88]

Hi all,

I’m just wondering those with more than one child when did you decide to have another?
LB is 2yrs 4 months now and I still don’t feel ready. I’m 32 my partner is 28. He has said he’d just be happy with one but I’ve always thought we might have another. He hasn’t ruled it out but at the moment we both feel our little one is still ‘little’ and needs quite a lot of our attention. Currently I just feel like I can’t imagine doing it all again but that thought makes me sad too. I love my little one so much and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done so I’m not sure why I’m reluctant (I guess it’s tiredness and the current situation not helping)
Just wanted to hear other people’s stories. I was an only child until I was 13 so I’m conscious not to wait that long!
Thanks xx

[Pantheon]

My dd is about the same age as your ds. My dh and I are both mid 30s. We'd like to try for another now but we're going to wait a few months to see what happens with the pandemic. I'd say when my dd got to 2 I could start to imagine having another. Always wanted a 3ish year gap. Definitely not a 2 under 2!

[fonxey]

For me it's harder. I always kinda wanted 2 but then due to circumstances we didn't get around to having one until 34. I'm more 35, baby 4 months.

So i figured week we'd just have the one as i didn't want to be much older. But now I'm not sure. So i feel if we do device test well have to start trying by end of year or early next year. It might ut take me longer second time around.

It isn't exactly ideal is rate have had 2-3 years in between. But as it is I'll likely be 37 by the time i give birth or nearly. I don't want to be 38-39.

So going to see how i feel in a year! I am already kinda broody in a way. I miss being pregnant.

[BendingSpoons]

We made a 'head' decision on timing. I wanted 2 about 3 years apart. When DD had just turned 2 i didn't feel ready give up some of the freedom I'd regained in terms of evenings out etc and also was not looking forward to another pregnancy. We went ahead anyway, conceived quickly and have a 3 year gap. I'm glad we did as I like the age gap, and I would never have been overly keen to do pregnancy/baby days again, even if we waited longer. Everyone is different though, so do what works for you.

[TheLovleyChebbyMcGee]

We decided we'd like to try for another when DS was a year old, but decided not to start trying till he was 2. However, age is against us, DS turns 2 in Sept, so if we start trying then, I'll be 40 when I give birth, if I get pregnant within 6 months.

However, we also are aware it might not happen and have agreed that it wouldn't be the be all and end all if we didn't have another. Actually, that's what we said about DS, neither of us wanted to make having a baby the only thing in our lives. I'm now hesitant with all the covid stuff going on, but hoping things have returned more to normal by September!

[Kay88ty]

Thanks for sharing experiences. I definitely get the whole not wanting to wait until too late; my mum was 39 having her second and found it a lot tougher (just in terms of how tiring it all was etc) however I think being mid to late thirties is becoming more normal now. I do think about fertility though as my friend took much longer to catch on her second. Think I will just enjoy where we are for now; I’ve heard so many people say they have loved a small age gap; equally some who have waited 5/6 years xx

[mindutopia]

We always wanted to have two, so there really wasn't a decision to be made about that. It's something we discussed before we even got married or thought about having our first one.

But absolutely no way was I ready to have one until dc1 was closer to 3-3.5. We have a 5 year age gap. Intentionally waited til she turned 4 to begin trying, because I had some career milestones I wanted to reach first and the timing worked out well with her starting school and no longer needing to be in nursery (meaning we didn't have that extra expense while I was on mat leave).

There is 5 years between them almost to the day and it's a great age gap. I definitely wouldn't have wanted them closer together.

[HarrietM87]

We always wanted 2. I thought I’d like a small gap of 18 months-2 years, but DS was such hard work we waited! I actually had an unplanned pregnancy that led to mc. The baby would have been due around now when DS was turning 2. Even though it was unplanned I was devastated by the mc and then suddenly desperate for another, but we held out for our original plan which was trying after Christmas. I was lucky to conceive 2nd cycle so I’m 12 weeks now, and DS will be 2.5 when the baby is born. I think that will be a nice gap - DS increasingly independent but hopefully close enough they’ll play together. I’m 33.

[Kay88ty]

So sorry to hear about your loss @HarrietM87 😔 wishing you all the best with your pregnancy.
I think 2.5 years is lovely as they will be so close xx

[Kay88ty]

@mindutopia if it happens for us I think it’ll likely be a similar gap due to similar circumstances (just started new job, have renovation plans etc) good to hear it’s a nice gap 😊

[Sprintfinish]

My second baby is due in July, when DS will be 19m. He isn't walking yet, and I do worry about how we'll cope with 2 babies, especially if family still unable to visit, but I'm still glad we're doing it this way.

DS was conceived after a MMC and what felt like endless months of my period turning up. As I was 36 I didn't want to wait too long to conceive (before having kids we decided it would be 2 or none and we didn't falter from that for long despite a difficult birth). It felt right and we started trying when DS was 8m. Third month in I got my BFP.

DS is a great eater and sleeper so he has definitely lured us into a false sense of we can do this!!

[Kay88ty]

@Sprintfinish aw congratulations! Honestly I think when people have 2 under 2 it can feel hard but they always say they are glad 🥰sending you lots of luck for the birth! Fingers crossed we are feeling a sense of normality by then! X

[BlueGreenYellowRed]

There's no perfect time, you just have to weigh up what's important to you. For us we decided from the start that we didn't want to leave it too long to try for our second because a) we're in our mid/late 30s, b) it took a while to conceive DS, c) we thought a small age gap would be easier in the long run.

Then it turned out that DS was a very easy baby and it again reaffirmed that trying again soon was a good choice. We started trying when he was 10 months old, expecting it to take a while... but we conceived on the first try, so oops it's a very small age gap, but oh well, we're happy and excited to meet no.2

[Temple29]

We always wanted 2 or 3 and decided to start trying for baby number 2 when DS was 8 months old. Currently 21 weeks and there will be a 17 month gap between them.

DS is very chill and sleeps/eats well but I think I would have reconsidered if that wasn’t the case. DH is also taking a couple months off when this baby is born so we’re lucky we’ll both be home for a while.

[uisage]

Due to my husband's work, I want my babies to be born October-January, and I wanted about a 2 year gap. I decided this before DS was even born! Which was lucky, because DS has not been an easy baby. I'm pregnant now, I'm due in November when DS will be 25 months.

[MichelleOR84]

I was 34 with baby number 1. My husband and I wanted them close in age. We decided to casually start trying ( basically stop using protection ) after baby was one . We got pregnant right away.

If I wasn’t in my mid thirties I would have waited until baby was 18 months-2 years .

We are undecided if I we want a third and I wanted to give myself time for that, not that there is anything wrong with having babies in your 40’s but obviously there can be more difficulties .