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So how bad would it REALLY be.........??????????????????????????

(40 Posts)
hidingidentity Fri 07-Sep-07 20:02:57

if I was away from DD for 6 weeks when she was 15 months old?
Would I scar her for life?
(have changed name here for obvious reasons!)

oranges Fri 07-Sep-07 20:04:27

who would you leave her with?

Tottie32 Fri 07-Sep-07 20:06:21

are you going anywhere nice- i dont think you would scar her. you might miss some nice things though

hidingidentity Fri 07-Sep-07 20:06:32

A mixture of DH and my Mum (who has looked after DD before, but only for the day/weekend). DD loves both of them and would is very happy in their company, so it would be the absence of me, not the care that she got, that would be the issue IYSWIM.

OriginalUglyBetty Fri 07-Sep-07 20:07:22

As oranges said i think that is dependant on many things.

How you go, how you explain you going, and who she is left with?

hidingidentity Fri 07-Sep-07 20:07:23

Hm, don't know if it's nice or not! It would be for fertility treatment (long long story as to why I would have to travel).

oranges Fri 07-Sep-07 20:11:02

I'd build up the time she spends with your mother - can you have her stay for a week or so, and could your mother come to you, so your dd at least sees her father every day?

hidingidentity Fri 07-Sep-07 20:11:18

would be very happy in their company
Boy, I need more sleep. I must be mad to even consider having another!

oranges Fri 07-Sep-07 20:12:09

That made no sense. I meant, let your mother look after her for a week trial. Then if you do decide to go, can your mother come and stay at your house, so dd sees her dad and home each day?

DynamicNanny Fri 07-Sep-07 20:13:28

I don't think it will ascar her at all - she will miss you and may need reassurance when you ge back but as a childcare worker, working with that age goup, I don't think it will scar er

hidingidentity Fri 07-Sep-07 20:14:25

The plan is to have my Mum come here for a while, so DH can see her every day. But 6 weeks would drive DH nuts. So for most of it, DD would go to home city (other family there too, my Dad, uncles, cousins etc) and DH would visit on weekends.
Basically, I'm supposed to go off and relax and concentrate on the treatment only (to give myself the best chance of it working), which seemed great when we were chatting in theory. If I thought that DD would be mentally scarred though, obviously I wouldn't be relaxed!

oranges Fri 07-Sep-07 20:15:06

Have you left her for any length of time now? Would be a bit harsh if she's always been with you and then you suddenly vanish for 6 weeks.

emkana Fri 07-Sep-07 20:16:22

I think six weeks is a very very long time for such a small child. How old is your dd now? FWIW, my ds is now nearly 15 months, and there is absolutely no way that I would leave him for this long.

oranges Fri 07-Sep-07 20:16:30

If the idea is that you go to relax, can your dd come with you, and maybe bring your mother along to help? I think leaving her for that long would just be stressful, and hence counterproductive, to you.

Scootergrrrl Fri 07-Sep-07 20:16:40

Would it bring you back a better mother? The word treatment seems to suggest something is wrong.
If so, surely the treatment would be better than continuing with the problem?

emkana Fri 07-Sep-07 20:17:31

that's a really good idea oranges

hidingidentity Fri 07-Sep-07 20:18:51

That's the problem orange, I'm a SAHM, so DD normally has only me. The longest we have been apart is 4 days. The longest DH has been apart from her is 6 days, and she didn't show any ill effect, but 6 weeks is obviously much longer.
I think that part of the problem is that I don't have experience of a 15 month child yet. Can they talk on the phone? Are they good at remembering? Would she recognise me when I got back?

emkana Fri 07-Sep-07 20:20:19

I think she would recognize you - my ds didn't see my dh for three weeks and he remembered him straight away - ds was 14 months at the time.

But esp. if you are a SAHM I think it would be very unsettling for the child.

oranges Fri 07-Sep-07 20:21:04

I've left my 15 month for work - at most ten days at a time. He can listen to a voice down the phone, but won't really say anything back. My mother and dh say he does occassionally look for me, but is cheerful. When I return, he either sulks for an hour, or comes over straight away for a cuddle. I don't think he's scarred by it but I think I may blanche at six weeks.

hidingidentity Fri 07-Sep-07 20:21:10

It would be very difficult to take DD with me, even if my Mum came. In fact, it would be more difficult with my Mum too. Sorry to be a bit vague, but I don't want to identify myself here!
DH thinks that even though it could be difficult, that the benefit of having another child would be great enough to overcome that.

Scootergrrrl Fri 07-Sep-07 20:23:42

I don;t know that children that age have any conceot of time. My DH is in the army and he went away for six months when DS was seven weeks and DD was 2.6.
I think how you behave when you ARE there is much more important and if this changes that for the better then it might be worth it.

Budababe Fri 07-Sep-07 20:24:52

It's a very long time. As someone who has one DS through IVF and has tried again, I coudl not leave my DS for 6 weeks even now and he is 6.

WHY do you need to leave for so long?

Quootiepie Fri 07-Sep-07 20:25:41

You have to weigh it up really - leaving your baby for 6 weeks is nothing really compared to one absent parent whom they see twice a year, or being neglected or anything like that - look at the bigger picture. It's not ideal, no, but it won't actually harm your child as such. I mean, to me if you have another baby (I assume that's what your planning?) , could you look at it and say 'oh, i'd rather swap you for 6 weeks with my other child'. Sorry if that has come out toally wrong, but sometimes I have to analize (SP???) situation bluntly like that xxx

oranges Fri 07-Sep-07 20:27:14

I don;t think it will harm your dd. But you have to make sure YOU can cope. When I leave ds, I enjoy the first five days, then feel I want to swim oceans to get back to him.

Quootiepie Fri 07-Sep-07 20:27:24

OMG, analyse - do NOT google analize!!! blush blush

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