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Just one more baby ?

(7 Posts)
Hideehi Tue 04-Sep-07 19:49:22

You'll think i'm bloody bonkers but have 5 kids including two sets of twins, but i'd love another girl, have one DD in the middle of two sets of twin boys.
I'm genuinely considering have a treatment that seperates the sperm to try for another girl. (i'd still adore another boy).
DH keeps going on about having time for ourselves but too be deadly blunt I don't really want time with him, we really never shared any hobbies apart from bonking and look where that got us :-)
Does one more really make much difference do you think ?

LoveMyGirls Tue 04-Sep-07 19:52:24

Maybe if you got to know him again with some time to yourselves you would find you had more in common than you think? You must have had something before dc came along? I would work on your relationship for the sake of your exisiting children before having more - not saying you don't rub along well/ make a good team etc but to have another baby to avoid time with your dh is insane imho. It's not us you have to convince either. Can you afford another, have you enough space, enough room in the car etc etc How old are the other children?

Hideehi Tue 04-Sep-07 19:59:03

Oh dear is that how it came across, i think we do love and get along well together. It's more a case of him longing for his/our old life and me thinking our old life wasn't all that, why would i want it back ?
Space, bedrooms wise etc would be fine, the babies are babies still, middle one is 8 older ones are heading for teenagers.

LoveMyGirls Tue 04-Sep-07 20:14:06

I don't see why you think you would be going back to your old life? Surely there is only one way to go and thats is forwards, once having children you can't go back to pre-children you will always be a mother and your children will always need things. Isn't there anything you would like to do that would allow you to have more time as a couple/ more freedom/ more money etc perhaps fostering is an option or childminding etc

I have 2 children and no intention of having more as I had my first dd at 17 so would one day like to have the freedom (ie not lugging changing bags pushchairs etc and the finacial freedom too) to go on holidays, buy nice clothes, treat myself now and again without feeling i should be spending it on things for the children etc

Im sticking with 2 children for lots of reasons, I was 1 of 5 and didnt always get treated fairly because my mum just couldnt give us all of her time/ money equally all of the time. I'm also sticking with 2 because i'd like to be able to afford to pay for them to go to uni/ get married/ put a deposit on their first house etc all the things i havent had help with because if i got it then my siblings would expect the same.

Have you also considered the possibility your older children may not leave home until they are 30 or if they do they will return? My mum hadn't banked on this and she now has 3 children still living at home and she is almost 50 the "children" are now 17, 27 and 29. She hates it, she wants her house to herself she's fed up of the mess, of them bringing their friends/ children etc she can't egt a minutes peace and when she cleans they all trash it again she is trying to spend some time concentrating on her career and is going back to university this month for a year and she just wants space.

(sorry ive ended up going on and on!) Feel free to ignore!

Hideehi Tue 04-Sep-07 20:30:38

Now that's interesting because I must admit even when I had two children i never had any intention of paying for my kids to go to uni/get married/put down house deposits as far as i am concerned those are things they need to earn and pay for themselves, it's not my job.
And I wouldn't have them back at home for any more than a visit/few months once they are adults either, it just wouldn't be an option. I think if you have 17, 27 and a 29 year old trashing your house then something has gone wrong, where's the respect, I would never do that to my mum, my boys keep their rooms tidy and pick up after themselves even now.

Hideehi Tue 04-Sep-07 20:31:28

Sorry gone off on a complete tangent.
Thanks for your thoughts though, I guess I did the freedom thing and it's not all it's cracked to be, enjoy your kids.

LoveMyGirls Tue 04-Sep-07 21:00:56

I feel complete now i have my dc's i'm a childminder so i get to borrow other peoples children too so quite often have a house full, I'm definately prepared to enjoy my children and don't plan on doing anything else until they have left home, i'm thinking of having a bit of freedom when im 40 by which time they will be 23 and 17.

When i said my siblings trash it, its not like they make it a tip but its not as clean and tidy as it would be if they had left home, generally things get dirty quicker with more of them living there and for my mum to try and keep on top of it when she is working alot and going to uni is tiring at her age, she asks them to help and my sister does but my little brother has to be nagged, my older brother brings his kids every weekend and tryies to pick up after them but doesnt clean after them iyswim.

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