11 year old DD being absolutely vile!

[Tillymintsmama]

Have had DD literally screaming and shrieking at me tonight because she'd ran out of hairspray. Her behaviour was belligerent, stroppy, completely self centred and vile. I tried to remain really calm and asked her to leave my bedroom to go and calm down. I tried the calm 'broken record' technique (please leave the room, please leave the room) which seemed to rile her even more. She kicked my door. She kicked my shin. She called me a bitch.

Is this normal for pubescent girls???

[Iambloodystarving]

I had that recently from our 11 year old. Well not the kicking bit but door slamming, shrieking and so on. Really looking for a fight. We are not the type of family that does that so I was at sea as was DH. She was like that for about 10 - 14 weeks. It has calmed down and she is back to old self. It scared me as I feel it is a forewarning of how she will be in her teens. And I have NO IDEA how to parent that at all. If you come up with anything let me know?

[Iambloodystarving]

PS _ I tried to ignore as much as possible. I chatted when she was in good form. I told her I love her when she was mad. I never use "you" when arguing. EG - rather that "you stop shouting. You do this..." I would say "I cannot think, it is too loud, or I cannot thinkl if I am being shouted at" and so on.
Did not help though!!!!

[slipperywhensparticus]

No its not normal remove her favourite thing or whatever your usual punishment is tell her you will discuss it when she is acting like a reasonable human being

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

You need to come and join us in the Preteens Section OP

[VashtaNerada]

Yes, whilst going through puberty it’s very normal to have extremes of emotion and difficulty in regulating them. It’s quite scary for them as well! I try to deal with it in a similar way to a toddler tantrum - keeping calm and having clear consequences for poor behaviour (such as no phone / TV for an hour). Consequences have to come later though because in the moment it can be really hard for them to calm down. And when they’re not having a ‘tantrum’ give them lots and lots of love and reassurance. Sadly this is probably going to get worse before it gets better!

[Tillymintsmama]

thank you all for your feedback on this; I didn't know there was a preteens board, found a very useful thread on there!