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How did you know you were ready for number 2?

(21 Posts)
Lelophants Sun 09-Feb-20 10:34:21

Haven't posted for a while. I had a beautiful November baby and despite traumatic birth (ended in c-section) he is now 3 months old and things are going well. I had quite an ambitious job but have honestly felt so happy not working and being with him. He's only 3 months old and I actually loved the newborn days! I know I'm probably looking back with rose coloured spectacles and maybe he is just an easy baby I don't know. There are definitely hard days but all feels worth it. Long story short since he was about 4 weeks old I've been so broody again!

I know from talking to family and friends that having two small babies is horribly hard work (a whole new challenge!) and I found late pregnancy hard so that would be a real nightmare.

I keep telling myself I need to wait at least a few years but I've always wanted 3 or 4 kids and I'm about to turn 31. Also not sure what current advice is for c-section? How do I know when to start again?

MsChatterbox Sun 09-Feb-20 10:36:34

I was exactly the same. When my son hit 1 I was so happy I wasn't pregnant yet. I'm pregnant now and there will be a 2 year 8 month age gap and to me that feels perfect. He is so much more independent now. I had a c section to, some health professionals appear completely clueless about any waiting time. But personally I feel comfortable knowing there will be 2 years between especially as I want to try for a vbac.

Lelophants Sun 09-Feb-20 13:33:05

@MsChatterbox was turning 1 when you changed your mind?

MsChatterbox Sun 09-Feb-20 13:48:13

I can't remember exactly. But I remember getting my son weighed at about 8 months or so and mentioning to the health visitor that I want to start trying when he was 1. Then he got to 1 and I was like erm no thanks! As I just found it quite a demanding age. We started trying again went he was about 16 months I think. I just wouldn't have wanted to be pregnant any earlier than that I don't think but everyone is different!

HoneyCheesecake Sun 09-Feb-20 20:01:21

At 19 months old I still know I’m not ready for another. DD needs me now, and we had a hard time with her so I want to relax for a while. Although she had colic I remember weirdly going through a broody stage of wanting another when she was a few months old- maybe it’s hormonal!

Honestly I think having children too close together would be hell- physically and mentally. I personally think it’s better to let your body heal and focus on your little one for a while. I don’t want to just muddle through the next few years, I love spending time with DD and watching her learn new things.

Lelophants Tue 11-Feb-20 15:12:27

Hoping my broodiness calms down then!

Sunshinegirl82 Tue 11-Feb-20 15:37:16

I was told ideally to leave at least 2 years between births following my section(s). I have a 2 year 10 month gap and I wouldn't have wanted any less!

DS2 was quite an easy small baby but is now 9 months and is FULL ON! Separation anxiety is at full pelt and he still doesn't sleep. Honestly, I'd reassess when your baby is 12 months or so. There's no massive rush.

Sunshinegirl82 Tue 11-Feb-20 15:38:32

Also you might want to keep things like the free nursery hours in mind, could you afford 2 in childcare without them?

albus55 Tue 11-Feb-20 15:51:24

We knew we wanted them relatively close in age but childcare cost was a big factor.

We started trying for number two when DD was about 21 months and knowing that by the time I'd had the second she would be eligible for her 30 free hours so we wouldn't be paying for two. We'd also just moved into a bigger house, we both have secure well paying jobs and kind of thought fuck it, let's get it out of the way - in the nicest way possible!

I'm now 8 months pregnant and yes it's more tiring being pregnant with one to look after already but it's honestly been fine and perfectly manageable. I'm really looking forward to the age gap and watching them grow up together!

user1493413286 Tue 11-Feb-20 15:56:14

When my DD was 18 months old I felt an uncontrollable urge to have another: due to finances I had to wait a bit longer but it was a big focus on my mind when I thought about anything to do with the future. I was told that two years between sections was preferable. My DD will be 2 years 10 months when our next DC arrives but I got pregnant incredibly quickly which I hadn’t actually expected as I guess you just don’t know how long it will take and for various reasons I thought it’d be longer this time

SparkyBlue Tue 11-Feb-20 15:58:37

When I had my daughter I was convinced I was done. I remember at parent and baby group when she was about 10 months and the others were on about being broody again and I was thinking WTF I was still struggling to deal with the one baby never mind another pregnancy. When she was two we started actually thinking seriously about it and DS was born was she was two years and nine months. Remember there are no rules what suits one family won't suit another and there is no one better way of doing things. Bigger gaps and smaller gaps all have their own advantages and disadvantages. I just had a shock pregnancy at almost 43 and I tell you that wasn't in any plan smilesmilesmile

Andsbk Tue 11-Feb-20 16:14:14

When my daughter she was 6 months old I got pregnant again. 15 months age gap between them. I never felt sorry for our decision for having such a small age gap between them.
Guess what?!?! No 3 due in May! 3 under 4 and I m not scared!💞 Good luck 🤞

kb16 Tue 11-Feb-20 16:21:36

I just knew I was ready for another baby. It was just like one day I woke up and decided it was so out of the blue, the next month I fell pregnant! My baby is due next month and my first will be 18 months x

GoingBackTo505 Tue 11-Feb-20 16:26:34

My DS is 11 months and we've been trying for number 2 since new year. I always wanted only two kids and for them to be close in age and we figured, we're already dealing with nappies and waking up at night, why not now, rather than when we get a bit of sleep or independence back for us to just be back at square one again. I'm 30 and I do worry about it being harder to get pregnant the longer we leave it too.

gaffamate Tue 11-Feb-20 16:29:56

Depends if they sleep. Mine didn't hence the 4 and a bit year age gap grin

Sunshine1235 Tue 11-Feb-20 16:36:36

I got pregnant with my second when mine was 8 months so there are about 18 months between them. To be honest I think I was naive because my first was an easy baby, I didn’t really realise how much harder they get when they’re older. But I’m so glad I did have them close together because I don’t know if I would have decided to have another if I’d waited and now they’re 2 and 3 and although hard work they’ve always had each other; they play (and fight) together and are into all the same things etc

Jmommy Wed 12-Feb-20 09:04:00

I got pregnant unplanned when my DS was 10 months. At that time I didn’t really feel ready and dreaded what was to come. Also felt sad for DS not being our little baby then anymore, too soon. Well, went on to have a miscarriage. While I certainly don’t say I was glad or relieved about it, I felt it was ok and I wanted to feel more sure and excited when I got pg for real. Now DS is 12 months and suddenly feel a lot more ready to get pg soonish again.

Tobebythesea Wed 12-Feb-20 17:38:27

We felt ready when DD was 22 months old. We sadly had 2 mc and then DS was born with a 3 year and a half year age gap.

Small gaps didn’t personally appeal but I can see the advantages. We couldn’t afford 2 under 2 in childcare - £2600 a month around here. Nope!

Sleepycat91 Wed 12-Feb-20 22:21:31

I have a 6 year age gap and although we found it hard making sure DC1 got enough attention in the early days, were getting there and i do like the gap, we had plenty of time to enjoy DC1 and now hes at school, ive changed my hours when i go back so ill have equally as much time to spend with DC2. I wasnt sure i wanted a 2nd but we had an accidental pregnancy which unfortunately resulted in a loss and it made me realise we did.

JayDot500 Thu 13-Feb-20 09:43:31

When my baby didn't need to be babied. He was 3, and almost 4 when baby was born smile

PickleSarnie Thu 13-Feb-20 17:23:53

I got pregnant accidentally the week my eldest turned one. I was so gutted - had just started back at work and was really enjoying getting to be ‘me’ again. Then I had a miscarriage a few weeks later and I was more gutted about that than I was about being pregnant.

So figured we’d see what happened. Got pregnant again the next month. Had two under 2 for a very brief period. But I was 34 and 36 when mine were born so didn’t potentially have the luxury of waiting a few years.

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