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How spoilt are your children?

(27 Posts)
larahusky Sun 02-Sep-07 12:08:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hatwoman Sun 02-Sep-07 12:28:15

mine are 7 and 5 and about a year ago we clamped down and handed them more control - ie they now get £1 a week and we very rarely buy them any treats - if we are out and they see seomthing it comes out of their pocket money. I think one small treat a week in exchange for good behviour isn;t over-doing it - over-doing is when they always get what they want, when they learn that everything they might want comes on demand etc. having said that when we did reward charts I set it up so that it took a good fortnight to earn a reward.

nutcracker Sun 02-Sep-07 12:30:57

I don't think mine are spoilt at all tbh.

They get toys at birthdays and xmas, and very very occasionally in between, normally from their uncle.

Sweets wise, they have sweets every friday from my mum and thats about it.

rantinghousewife Sun 02-Sep-07 12:43:12

Agree completely with hatwoman, mine get things when we can afford it. The teen has to save for things he wants and the 4 year old is not a stranger to the word no.
I don't really think about it, until my nephew (who's lovely but very spoilt) requests a top of the range ipod from us for his birthday!! I always laugh and say 'don't think so, how about a book token'!!

KerryMum Sun 02-Sep-07 12:46:30

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KerryMum Sun 02-Sep-07 12:47:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oxocube Sun 02-Sep-07 13:02:00

My kids do get treats and presents other than on birthdays and at xmas but I don't think they are spoiled. Spoiled, to me, means being ungrateful or taking all these things for granted. At the moment, we have v little money but am still managing to pay for things like ds's birthday party and dd's riding lessons by cutting back on other things. I would say my 2 older kids definitely realise and appreciate this. They happily wear second hand clothes given by my friends for example, whose kids have outgrown them.

We are surrounded by lots of v affluent families who have 2 or three holidays a year, yet my kids don't complain that we go to my mum and dad's a couple of times a year instead!

They also all have (quite a lot) of jobs to do around the house ranging from dog-walking to gardening and loading the dishwasher, in return for a small amount of pocket money each week. So I guess I would say that in my eyes, my kids are not spoiled smile

larahusky Sun 02-Sep-07 19:19:50

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pointydog Sun 02-Sep-07 19:30:01

I never buy my kids things in terms of basic behaviour 'rewards'. POlite behaviour goes without saying, they're not rewarded for it.

Even so, in terms of material possessions, they are prob spoilt. S'all relative.

Miaou Sun 02-Sep-07 19:41:44

hmm, not meant as a personal dig, but if you have got to the point where you fell you have to buy your child something in order to get some peace, then maybe they are spoilt.

Agree with others though; it's not about how much children have, it's their attitude towards it. My dds get overexcited about a new pencil (lol!) and at the moment are looking forward to getting a new scrapbook each (cost £1.15). They get very little in the way of presents bought for them outside of birthdays/christmas, and never get anything expensive (our families only do token presents and we can't afford big stuff!). They do get sweets a fair bit but fortunately don't seem to expect them.

Miaou Sun 02-Sep-07 19:42:25

feel , not fell hmm

Blossomhill Sun 02-Sep-07 19:47:38

My children are not spoilt however they have far more than I ever did as a child.

admylin Sun 02-Sep-07 20:05:54

My dh grew up abroad in a wealthy family but a poor country so although he was better off than most, they were 10 brothers and sisters - had nanny and maid and driver etc but were not brought up to be materialistic. He constatntly told our 2 dc when they were little that he had 1 pencil and a bycicle to share with 4 brothers and they all got through school with 1 desk between the 10 of them.
Ours have their own desks, a bike, a thousand pencils and far too many toys because dh can't resist buying them for them - sort of reliving the childhood he never had (spent his school days with head in school book anyway). In that aspect our dc are spoilt but I know they appreciate what they have and don't take any of it for granted. They always say thankyou and they are aware that many dc in Europe and further abroad are alot worse off.

Blu Sun 02-Sep-07 20:22:40

Same as Pointydog. I would like good behaviour to be it's pown reward and don't want DS to live under a constant ongoing regime of any point system - simply happy, civilised behaviour - or unnacceptable outbreakd which are dealt with there and then. I don't think Icould bear a child constantly on and on about what thy want or are hoping to get, or fixating on some material posession as the focus for all they do...(recent experience of children close to me...)

DS has lots things, gets lots of treats - but he is always grateful, and (almost) never 'spoilt-brattish' over demanding things, and (usually) accepts it if i say 'no, not today' or 'it's too expensive'. But he's a sunny easy-going child, so we've had it easy.

Larahusky - don't worry! If your child is generally well behaved treat her exactly as you would treat yourself - a nice little treat when you feel like it, but not if it stretches your resources or it can't be accommodated. If your dd can accept 'no' for an answer, but be happy and appreciiative when she does have a treat or present, then she in unlikely to be spoilt!

berolina Sun 02-Sep-07 20:27:54

ds gets treats as and when (not connected to any good-behaviour thing - he's only 2.3, quite apart from anything else) - quite often, actually, I suppose. And he does have a lot of things, but I don't think it's excessive. Of course he throws tantrums at a 'no' (see his age), but will calm down fairly quickly on the whole. If anything, I think he's 'spoilt' (don't really like the word, tbh) for time and attention - he finds it very hard to wait a couple of minutes for dh or me to finish something before we read to/play with him. (But again, his age - and I'm certainly not going to regret being readier to read to him than to sort the kitchen grin).

dh and I treat ourselves too - to a bit of blissful time alone, for example.

Pinkchampagne Sun 02-Sep-07 20:31:24

Mine are becoming more so now that I am no longer with their father, as he is constantly buying them toys when he has them. My mum also does this more than I'd like her to, and it is causing me problems.

Hulababy Sun 02-Sep-07 20:40:23

DD does get rather a lot as she is an only child, only grandchild/neice/etc.

However I don't think she is spoilt. She is polite, well mannered and overal well behaved. She doesn't do "I want" and knows that asking doesn't mean she gets something.

I don't think spoilt has to be a natural outcome of having a lot of things. The latter can just be circumstances. The former depend son how it is done and general expectations/related behaviours from the child, and how the parents react to them.

Othersideofthechannel Sun 02-Sep-07 21:21:47

Larahusky, DS who is 4 has a pasta jar specifically for getting ready in the mornings and for bed without dawdling. None of the rewards involve buying him a material possession. He usually chooses and it is things like time on the Wii with Daddy, watching a feature film on DVD, pancakes for dinner, making bisuits.

They get sweets at least once a week because at our school kids who are celebrating a birthday hand out sweets to class mates to take home and the elderly neighbours also give them things. We don't buy them sweets but there is usually a pack of biscuits or a cake on the go in the house.

Presents from us are rare outside birthday, Christmas and holidays but grandparents and great uncle get them a book or similar every couple of months. They are definitely very fortunate but so far not spoilt. DS gets excited about having a new roll of sticky tape!

As for coffee thing, do you have to buy a toy or something to eat/drink? We rarely get the opportunity for this sort of thing but every two or three weeks we will be in a situation where we stop for a drink somewhere rather than quenching our thirst from a bottle of water. Kid are usually happy with a glass of juice or ice-cream. It would be strange not to be getting them some kind of refreshments.

larahusky Sun 02-Sep-07 21:37:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

larahusky Sun 02-Sep-07 21:37:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Othersideofthechannel Sun 02-Sep-07 21:48:33

I think it is perfectly normal for her to have a treat in a cafe if you are. It doesn't make sense for her to not to have something.

I don't think there is anything wrong with active kids having cake or biscuits everyday on top a healthy diet. We usually have ours at home because there aren't any nice cafes within walking distance.

I would say that if you think that she is filling up too much on that kind of food and not eating a proper meal afterwards, you might have to think about reducing how often you share that cafe experience with her.

Everyone loves giving their children things although I find it adds to the pleasure for everyone when you have resisted the temptation for a while.

Miaou Sun 02-Sep-07 21:50:29

oh i misunderstood - i thought you meant you felt you had to buy her a toy to keep her quiet whilst you had a coffee. Of course you would buy her a cake if you are having one and she wouldn't be being "spoilt" if she expected one! smile

beegee Sun 02-Sep-07 21:51:52

Just shooting off on a little tangent here but we've just got back from a two week camping trip with my two dcs and my neice and nephew - all under 5 yo shock Anyway, we toak very few toys (no room in the cars). What was interesting was that the dcs starting playing so imaginatively - making cars out of stones...pretending to be numberjacks running around the tents etc that it's made me think they have too many toys at ds certainly doesn't play with 80% of them currently.

The toys we did take camping with us - a few plastic 'stacking' cups, drawing materials, few books etc were played with again and again in different ways.

I'm now thinking that my dcs do have too much - and I'm going to limit the occasional toy presents from now on.

KTNoo Sun 02-Sep-07 23:09:49

I agree Beegee - I just spent a month travelling with my 3 dc's and 2 bags. We didn't bring any toys, just a few books. They got a few treats, mainly from family. They were so happy - playing hide and seek outside, picking flowers, making things etc. I think I'm going to reduce our toys at home by at least 50% now. And I don't think they'll notice.

I try really hard not to buy them things apart from for birthday/Christmas. They are allowed sweets on Saturdays only. What is difficult is that relatives are always giving them stuff. When we arrived at my parent's for a holiday there was a bag of wrapped gifts for each of them! Why? One toy and a packet of sweets would have been fine. I hate it as I feel it belittles the occasions when they should get things, like Christmas. Now they always ask for the presents as soon as we arrive. My parents think this is rude but they brought it on themselves imo.

handlemecarefully Sun 02-Sep-07 23:18:48

My children have a great many material things. Mostly accumulated via birthdays and Christmas. It's only really art and crafts stuff I buy more freely in between times - oh and dvd's and books (usually immediately prior to school holidays for obvious reasons).

Some would suggest they are spoilt. But I don't believe that they are because:

- they are expected to behave appropriately and have good manners

- they are taught to appreciate and look after their things (put toys away at the end of the day, not be careless with them)

- and I kind of make a point of not giving them everything they ask for, hence when they say " Can I have / I want that..."etc, they often get a short simple 'No' in return. Just so they don't grown to expect everything their heart desires given to them on a plate

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