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Experiences of 7 year age gap between 2 children

(24 Posts)
greegr Sat 25-Jan-20 16:00:56

What are the benefits and disadvantages

If you have done this would you do it again or not recommend it?!!

Patchworksack Sat 25-Jan-20 16:05:46

I have 7.5 yrs between my oldest and youngest (with one in the middle). Big age gap is nice in that there is no competition between them, DS dotes on and looks after DD. It can be really difficult to find family things to do that suit both, they are at such different stages. Easier with a baby if the older one is semi-independent. Mine are 13 and 5.5 now. Families come in all shapes and sizes, you would make it work.

Elouera Sat 25-Jan-20 16:13:16

There was a 6yr gap between myself and little brother. I think being opposite genders, plus the gap, we got on extremely well. I looked out for him, ensured that if I was ever bought a sweet/gift when out that I'd asked for him to get one too etc. I was at school, so it meant mum had more time with him. I could go to the loo myself, (I think) mainly dress myself and obviously feed myself. I have a friend who ended up with 3 kids aged under 2 (IVF, then natural twins!). The constant nappies and feeding too their toll, as it was almost like having triplets. She wished for a few years gap.

NancyDrewCrew Sat 25-Jan-20 16:28:04

It depends if there are other siblings and obviously each poster's anecdotal experience is just that, not one size fits all but ime
+ Older sibling excited to have a baby sibling at last
- The initial excitement wears off (be careful what you wish for)
+ Older sibling good at doing park, bowling, cinema etc with younger
- As they become teens eg 14 and 7 the shared activities become less doable and feel more like babysitting
+ Can babysit
- Resent babysitting even when paid
+ Younger sibling still very keen to bond
- Older sibling hates having space invaded and things ruined

As with all siblings it depends on their personalities and how much time you have. My eldest was used to being an only child. It took a lot of getting used to that they no longer had me to themselves.
I did do 1-1 with them but then ended up with a 3rd - the sibling rivalry between 2+3 is worse than 1+2 because they are closer in age.
I do sometimes regret having expanded the family full stop - I refuse to regret having 2+3 but I do regret the impact on 1 and also I know life would have been easier and different and my relationship now with my firstborn had she stayed an only.

Narcheska Sat 25-Jan-20 16:29:35

I have a 6 year gap between my eldest and Middle one. I have to say it was actually a really great gap for us.

Eldest was in school so I'd have ten days free with the new baby to enjoy and wouldn't feel stressed with trying to balance a newborn and another child's needs. My eldest was really helpful and always passing me nappies, wet wipes bottles etc which sometimes was a life saver. He was also old enough to understand that the baby needed mummy so was very kind and didn't get upset or feel pushed out if I needed to feed or change baby.

They're now 7 and 18 months are are the best of friends. They play together all the time and my DS2 face lights up when hi sees his big brother come into a room.

We laid had a DD who's 11 weeks and I have to say the closer age gap is harder to manage some days.

JosephineDeBeauharnais Sat 25-Jan-20 16:42:07

I have almost 7 years between my two. Both boys. I think it's better if they're the same sex as there does come a short period where they can share interests, but tbh, it is an unbridgeable gap IMO. Yes, it makes life easier in some ways when the baby is very small, but the sibling jealousy was, I think, more pronounced and longer lasting DS1 never got over it.

Owing to the age gap, Mine were never at the same school, which meant that they went to the schools that best suited them as individuals rather than both being in the same place for convenience. Both had long periods where they were in effect singletons and benefited from undivided attention. The biggest downside is that they aren't close as brothers now they're adults. They get along well and love each other, but don't spend any time together other than when we're at family occasions. I suppose that could happen with a smaller age gap though. .

Ilikewinter Sat 25-Jan-20 16:49:02

6 years between my and my brother, i spent a lot of my teenage years babysitting him whilst mum was at work, i felt very protective of him!. We were quite distant for many years, no falling out just at different stages of life, now in our 30/40s and very close, age difference doesnt matter anymore

trashcanjunkie Sat 25-Jan-20 16:53:05

I have an eight year gap. It was great - fitted with existing routine and older ds very into new sib

CupCupGoose Sat 25-Jan-20 16:53:30

Intrested in these replies as I will soon have a 6.5 year age gap
I have a 23 month gap between DC1 and 2 which I loved.

Floralnomad Sat 25-Jan-20 16:54:19

I have 6.5 yrs between our 2 , they are now 27 and 20 and have only really started to get along in the last few years . However our eldest has HFA , and was very happy as an only child , he had never asked for a sibling and it would have made no difference if the younger one had been a boy or a girl or what the age difference was .

greegr Sun 26-Jan-20 11:38:07

Thanks for the replies.. they are helping me!

AllRainbows Mon 03-Feb-20 08:09:31

I have an 8 year gap between DD(8) and DS(10 weeks). My 8 year old has been an absolute star and is like having another pair of hands around the house especially during the week after school when DH is at work. She fetches me things if needed, watches and entertains him in the bouncy chair or playmat while I make dinner or tidy up even grab a quick shower ! DS was also very unsettled up until the last few days would cry a lot during the day and scream the place down at night ! Over the worst of this now thank God !

At 8 she is also very independent, can look after herself get dressed get her own snacks and is happier playing by herself so doesn't really need much of my attention. She also absolutely adores her brother and there is no jealousy there whatsoever !

GoodnightJude1 Mon 03-Feb-20 08:13:43

7 years between my DD and it’s been great! When DD2 was born DD1 was like a second mummy. She loved helping me with everything her little sis needed and their bond now is incredible. DS1 has her own DD and home how and DS2 frequently goes for sleepovers and loves spending time with her big sis and niece.
It was also great for babysitting when DS1 was old enough! We got nights out and she earnt a bit of money for herself. Winner winner!

coconuttelegraph Mon 03-Feb-20 08:18:35

There will be as many answers as there are families imo, there is no way to predict how any siblings will get along based on age gap. Maybe life would be a whole lot easier if it did work like that smile

Iggypoppie Mon 03-Feb-20 08:20:21

I met a woman the other day with a 20 year age gap between her two DDs! As adults they were very close.

redsedre Thu 13-Feb-20 00:14:30

Thanks for all the replies

midwestspring Thu 13-Feb-20 00:16:20

My dsis is my best friend she is 7 years younger than me. ( we are middle aged now right enough)

HuloBeraal Thu 13-Feb-20 00:20:36

I have a 5 year gap but DS1 is an old head on young shoulders. He was very independent. Could watch over DS2 while I popped to the loo. And was never ever jealous (DS2 gets jealous sometimes!!). It’s been a lovely gap because DS1 is so easy going. Adores his sibling. Puts up with all his nonsense. Is willing to do ‘baby’ stuff with him. It’s been a lovely gap so far.

firsttimemomx Thu 13-Feb-20 00:33:36

I'm actually planning for at least a 5 year age gap between my first (who's due in July) and my second (which will more than likely be my last). My thought process is
- older one is in school, more one on one time with the newborn
- not really much sibling rivalry as they're at different stages of their life
- older one is more independent in terms of dressing themself, don't need to be constantly entertained
- won't be in the same school, this is important for me as I had my older brother watching my every move and I felt like I couldn't enjoy myself as much as I wanted to

Obvs there's negatives too and anything could happen between now and 5 years time but that's my thought process atm!smile

Sgtmajormummy Thu 13-Feb-20 01:05:21

7 years and 8 months between mine (boy then girl).
DS was ready to fall in love with his little sister and has always been protective, supportive and encouraging. A bit like a third parent. He had the benefits of being an only child for a long time.
DD looks up to her big bro and pretends to criticize and make fun. But whenever he’s home from university they like to spend a couple of hours together just pottering and reconnecting. She’s now having the only-child benefits at the opposite end of childhood.

The biggest difference was/is the amount of energy I have for parenting the second time. No more rolling around on the floor playing LEGO or exploring on muddy walks. More connections over books and shared hobbies.
It works. It’s fun. And I’ve been a much more confident parent the second time around. Basically life’s too short or I’m too old for any silly flapping (me and others)!

caringcarer Thu 13-Feb-20 01:21:00

I have 3 dc. Eldest dd, then 2 years later ds, then unexpectedly 8 years later another ds. Both older children good with 2nd ds when he was small. They played games with him, read hom stories etc. Then when 2nd son about 7 and ds1 15 they went through difficult time as ds1 did not want to spend time with much younger brother. Now they are all adults and the strongest relationship is between 2 ds. They go to cinema together, pop out for KFC or McDonalds or game of pool or a pub meal and drink. Younger son is very mature and calms down older ds. The othr day I had to chuckle when I overheard ds2 telling ds1 who had just got a pay rise that he oughg to up his pension payments. Ds2 is now 24.Boys both have their own set of friends but genuinely enjoy each others company. When children have their own bedrooms and don't have to share it helps.

YerAWizardHarry Thu 13-Feb-20 01:32:32

I think about this A LOT. DS is 7, DSS is 4 and we don't have any together. I've got 2yrs of a uni degree to go and the thought of "starting again" scares me confused

HuloBeraal Thu 13-Feb-20 02:14:12

To the PP talking about the same school. Mine were desperate to go to the same school. Ds1’s friends dote on DS2 and cheered for him on sports day. DS2 is so proud to go to the same school as his big brother. Despite their age gap they have all these plans to make dens for half term.
They can also wind each other up!

Nowayorhighway Fri 14-Feb-20 16:38:21

I have four DC. The older three were 6, 7 and 8 when DC4 was born 15 months ago. They all adore him and love playing with him, reading to him and generally helping out with him. They have always been fantastic with him, no jealousy or bitterness at all.

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