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My son is so different

(37 Posts)
auntysocial Thu 30-Aug-07 14:51:41

I've just been watching my kids playing outside with the kids down the street. My 6 year old is a typical lad, my 8 year old however seems so "different" to the others. He was trying to explain to one of the boys outside that our houses were built during the 2nd world war and the other kid just raised an eye brow and said "ya what??" as if he was stupid. Then a little girl threw her sweet wrapper on the floor and my ds started kicking off saying it was illegal to throw rubbish on the floor and that it caused rats, was dangerous to wildlife and damaged the environment and they all just looked at him as if he was an alien.

Even after they carried on playing DS was still concerned about the sweet wrapper warning her that she could be fined. When she went to ride a bike that was too big for her DS warned her that she should try a bike that was more for her age range and they all burst out laughing sad she then asked them all "do you think I can ride it?" and ds replied "I think you should pick that sweet wrapper up..." etc.

He gets bullied at school and I think this is why but whilst I'm proud of who he is, I don't want him to continue to get bullied throughout childhood.

Is he really different from most 8 year olds or is it just the kids around here are not on his "level"?

Cloudhopper Thu 30-Aug-07 14:56:23

If it's any consolation, I think I was a bit like that as a child. Just a bit of a worrier and "old for my age".

My daughter is just like it too. I worry about her a lot, but then I need to remember that she takes after me.blush

One of the challenges of parenthood for me is to resist trying to intervene and make her life 'easier'. But most of the time she is perfectly happy.

KTeePee Thu 30-Aug-07 14:58:10

He sounds lovely and sensible but I can see why other children might not be on his wavelength - reminds me of me as a matter of fact at that age! Maybe try to have a talk to him along the lines that yes, he is right but other children might think he is being bossy or a fusspot if he nags them and it is down to their parents to discipline them?

Baffy Thu 30-Aug-07 14:58:52

He sounds like a lovely child and really intelligent and sensitive

makes me so sad that people get picked on for being like that

bundle Thu 30-Aug-07 14:59:36

he sounds lovely. does he have any friends with similar interests at school that you could arrange for him to meet up with?

ConnorTraceptive Thu 30-Aug-07 15:02:11

ah bless him

my dn was a bit like this at this age, she would say "oh the house down the road has just gone on the market for such and such a price" or "the hanging baskets at the pub are looking lovely now"

She's a rather lovely and very funky teenager now with lots of friends. In fact she's so lovely and funky she makes me feel quite dowdy!

NAB3 Thu 30-Aug-07 15:02:18

MY son is 6 and while he wouldn't have said the things about the bike and sweet wrapper he does worry about things and isinterested in history. Your son sounds lovely.

ktmoomoo Thu 30-Aug-07 15:02:54

my dd 9 i think they would get on really well xx he sounds lovely u should be proud of him x

Cloudhopper Thu 30-Aug-07 15:04:44

One day he will probably be out there saving the world or something.grin

sandyballs Thu 30-Aug-07 15:05:51

Ahh bless him. One of my DDs is a bit like this, takes her junior encyclopaedia to the park so she can quote random facts loudly to everyone within ear shot. Her sister takes the piss terribly.

Not much we can do really, it's good to be different.

maisemor Thu 30-Aug-07 15:06:56

Your son sounds really sweet and very much like my nephew.

LIZS Thu 30-Aug-07 15:07:58

Sounds like ds (9). He plays alone at school a lot of the time because others just don't "get" his games.

3madboys Thu 30-Aug-07 15:18:17

sounds like he would get on brilliantly with my ds1, who just turned 8 in august.

he too is 'different' to all the other kids and has few friends at school because of it, it sounds like your ds reads a lot? to know the stuff he does? like my ds, he has a head full of the most amazing facts and information etc and can talk for hours about stuff, but kids his age wont listen to him at all his teachers and lots of others have said that he is too grown up and he talks like an adult making it difficult for other kids to relate to him etc.

but what can you do? you cant change your child, and like you i wouldnt want to, they will both grow up to be wonderful, caring, considerate men. i did a thread about my ds on bmc a while ago as i have the same concerns as you and i got some fantastic replies, lots of people saying they had similar childen or their brothers were similar etc and turned out well

hk78 Thu 30-Aug-07 16:50:14

auntysocial and everyone on this thread: my dd1 is just like this too

shall we all form some kind of club?grinwhere the kids can be different together lol

i worry about dd1 getting bullied or ignored at school, it happens already, but what can you do? i wouldn't want to change her, it's all those other kids that have got a problemsmile

MellowMa Thu 30-Aug-07 16:51:30

Message withdrawn

aloha Thu 30-Aug-07 16:58:28

He sounds lovely, and I am totally with him re the litter (!) but I can see why he isn't making friends, frankly. He will be lonely if he thinks he can nag and correct people. It is infuriating and odd. I say this as the mother of a son with Aspergers who shouts at children coming down the slide, 'not like that! You could be killed!' - it makes me laugh, but I know he can't carry on like that if he wants to make friends. And of course, being bullied is making him miserable. I think he does need to change the way he behaves in social situations.
This book is good, I think. www.amazon.co.uk/Unwritten-Rules-Friendship-Strategies-Friends/dp/0316917303/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_b/20 3-1344803-9739124
What do his teachers say about his friendships?

NattyThomasandEllen Thu 30-Aug-07 17:41:27

my BIL is the same he is 8 too and yesterday we were on the train playing 20 questions and his person he thought of was ANN WIDICOMBE!
there will be loads of kids out there the same, he may well find some more like him at senior school

try not to worry

xxx

EdwardG Thu 30-Aug-07 17:53:50

Obviously it's hard to comment without meeting the lad, but some of the traites your describing sound like high functioning autistic behaviours.

The sweet rapper story reminds me of one of the guys I work with.

Loads of really intelegent chaps on the spectrum experence very similar issues. Normally people who are mild or just touching the spectrum.

NattyThomasandEllen Thu 30-Aug-07 18:06:22

omg are you serious? so just because he is concerned about the environment (pos covered in school recently) and interested in history he is autistic? shutup you will scare the poor woman

pagwatch Thu 30-Aug-07 18:25:54

ummm -NT&E whilst i see what you mean I think omg and shut up are pretty harsh.
As the mother of a child with AS I am not sure why the idea that a child may have high functioning AS or aspergers is so horrendous it should not even be mentioned.
And in fairness the OP is sufficiently concerned to post here and ask for honest opinions about her child being different.
She also did not post "is my son different becuase he talks about the enviroment and history" Her post included her DS being overly persistent about what the other children saw as a minor issue and talking about subjects without seeming to realise that the other children were not interested and found it funny. That is a very different thing.
I spent a recent weekend with a charming boy with aspergers who simply cannot understand that not everyone wants to talk about the same things as him/ Aspergers kids CAN be like that.

I personally think he sounds like a kid who just has different interests but I don't think that anyone raising something that could feasibly be a possibility should be told to shut up as if it is so beyond the pale. There are probably people contibuting to this site who have AS/aspergers !

Judy1234 Thu 30-Aug-07 18:34:11

He sounds lovely. I would hope both my 8 year olds would points out if any child dropped litter.

In mmy twins' two classes (0f 20 boys each in a private school) I would guess about 20% of the class is a bit different not in an aspergers way actually but just a bit precious some of them, some prone to crying for no reason, some more mummy's boys than others, some very very clever but at age 8 there just isn't as much bullying as children tend to suffer when they're 13+ so I don't think it's a major problem at all. They tend to group with similar children if they're able to group/have friends at all.

As they get older they tend to learn what makes other children laugh at them and what doesn't which is quite sad, it's a loss of innocence really.

i do think an academic private school helps but I realise that's completely unhelpful for most people who can't afford it or just him finding friends into what he is into in due course and hanging out with them which is the usual solution too.

aloha Thu 30-Aug-07 18:34:24

As I posted, I have a child with Aspergers. I find posts saying 'omg' and 'shut up you will scare the poor woman' really offensive, actually.
His behaviour does sound similar to ASD behaviour, as I said. It is not helpful IMO to say, don't try to change him if he is unhappy and being bullied. I think the book I recommended is excellent for all children having social difficulties, ASD or not. Aspergers is not a term of a abuse, you know.

Pruners Thu 30-Aug-07 18:43:18

Message withdrawn

cornsilk Thu 30-Aug-07 18:50:38

aloha - I think what yo sai was ok

aloha Thu 30-Aug-07 18:58:14

Auntysocial's ds is clearly right about the litter, but that doesn't mean his social skills are right. Even in 'academic private schools' poor social skills are a recipe for unhappiness. My stepdaughter goes to one, and there are bossy, nerdy girls who may be on the spectrum who are shunned - not bullied exactly, but not totally happy either, I would guess.
If your child was struggling with reading or writing and it was having an impact on their happiness, you would try to help. I think social skills are the same. If they are completely happy being an oddball and they have one or two great friends, well, that's fine - fantastic. If they have no friends and are being bullied, and you can help them fix things, why on earth not try?
I found the book a fascinating read anyway. And very practical.
It doesn't stop them ALSO joining a maths after-school club or a chess club or whatever, in order to find twin souls.
I have to explain to ds exactly WHY it's not his job to boss other people about and why people don't like it. Some children, ASD or not, just need a little more help with social rules and conventions.

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