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Husbands behaviour too harsh

(40 Posts)
Bluegal Tue 14-Jan-20 23:21:10

Hi I’m knew to mums net . I don’t know if I’m posting in the right place. I have no one to talk to. We had a call from the police to say my 13yr old son had been telling his friends he wants to commit suicide. They wanted us to check up on him. He was fine in his room. When I asked him what was wrong he said he’s really had enough because his younger sister is really annoying and that his dad hits him. I checked his phone (feel guilty but I needed to know how serious he was ) he told his friends his dad hits him and that he wanted to end it all. That his dad likes his older brother better because he doesn’t have habits(my son has Tourette’s, not the worse case but it causes him frustration and anxiety. He also has ocd) I have never seen my husband hit my child but I know that he’s too rough and loses his temper easily. He drinks a lot in the evenings and although he doesn’t become aggressive because of this at the time, he has a short fuse in the mornings. I work full time and so my husband is responsible for taking my daughter to school. She’s often upto an hour or more late because he can’t get himself out of bed. After the call from the police I spoke to my manager about son feeling suicidal and have been given 9-4 school time hours to be around to keep an eye on him. My daughter told me that my husband would make my son sit in the back of the car so he couldn’t see him doing his tics and that if they were annoying him he would slam the brakes on so that he would stop ticking. I had 5 weeks off last March as things had gotten bad at home too and whilst I was at home things improved. I have told my husband before to change his behaviour. I don’t want my kids feeling bad or being taken into care because of him. Do I leave? I think I know the answer but when I spoke to my mum she asked how would I afford to rent on my own? My son seems so happy to the outside world but is becoming increasingly angry and frustrated himself. The school also had a call from a concerned parent whose child told them about sons messages. I have set up a counselling session for him and he’s having a medication review and seeing his consultant. I’ve done all this to be proactive ,and also because I’m worried my parenting is going to come into question for not doing anything to stop it, but I also know that the reason he feels so bad is because of his dad. When I asked my older son he said my younger one was exaggerating, however my eldest went through the same and I had the same worries when he was younger. My gut says leave the kids need me to make this decision. But I’m worried I’m being dramatic and maybe we can change things. I have asked him to go to counselling before and it didn’t happen. I just don’t know where We would go. I need to know we have somewhere safe to go to If I leave. Thanks if you’ve read this far . Bluegal

JiltedJohnsJulie Wed 15-Jan-20 07:16:21

If it were my child, I'd be asking my H to leave today and taking the day off work to try to make sure he does.

The really worrying thing is that you seem to be making excuses for his utterly appalling and and abusive behaviour.

Elllicam Wed 15-Jan-20 07:18:54

Yes. You need to make him leave.

Flagg Wed 15-Jan-20 07:20:57

Your son is suicidal because of this brute. Kick him out!

Fairylea Wed 15-Jan-20 07:22:22

You need to leave. Your poor son! shock

Quartz2208 Wed 15-Jan-20 07:24:05

Yes he should leave

What support is being put in place he made some serious allegations

Wildorchidz Wed 15-Jan-20 07:27:00

Your husband is causing emotional harm to all your children. Tell him to leave. Will the police have informed SS about his suicidal thoughts?

sockittome123 Wed 15-Jan-20 07:27:42

You don't leave, your husband does. You are not being overdramatic, your husband is abusing your children. What more reason do you need?

Fairylea Wed 15-Jan-20 07:28:56

Sorry yes I meant he needs to leave. But if he won’t, you have to. Things can’t continue like this.

peanutfoldover Wed 15-Jan-20 07:31:53

LTB

happychange Wed 15-Jan-20 07:34:17

Your son is suicidal because of your H! Do you really need to wait until he is successful in his suicide attempts before you leave???

annielennoxstuckinmyhead Wed 15-Jan-20 07:34:23

Jesus, yes leave. You've stated several things that you know already what your husband does. You even had to take time off work to be at home more because of his behaviour, am I understanding that right...?

I hope the police and the school make a social services referral so you get some sort of support. They will make it clear about what you need to do. I'm shocked you're even having to question it.

Thedeadwood Wed 15-Jan-20 07:36:27

Protect your child please!!!! I can’t believe you have to ask this. Your husband is awful.

JemimaPuddleCat Wed 15-Jan-20 07:39:08

Yes you need to separate from your husband! He is abusing your child for things he does due to his (diagnosed?) medical condition, to the point your son is suicidal!
Is he your sons father? Is it likely your son will want to maintain a relationship with him?

You need to sit both (all?) of your children down and find out what else is going on, there may be more they haven't told you yet.

Wrybread Wed 15-Jan-20 07:39:26

You need to tell him to leave.

The school will get social services involved and if you don't get him to leave. (or leave with the dc), then you will be seen as not safeguarding your son.

And they'd be right.

Newyeardietstartstomorrow Wed 15-Jan-20 07:40:34

Your alcohol dependent husband is abusing your children and unable to function in the morning well enough to get them to school on time. My children were ONCE half a hour late because of a car breakdown and I was in tears. You say you couldn't afford the rent on your own, does your husband work or are you the breadwinner?

loserssaywhat Wed 15-Jan-20 07:41:00

Your husband is an abusive bully. My god that poor boy.
He can't help his condition. My heart breaks for him op.
Your husband needs to leave.

Bluegal Wed 15-Jan-20 08:02:38

You are all right, have cancelled work, will contact who I need to today about finding somewhere to go. I just needed to talk as I have no one to speak to

GiveHerHellFromUs Wed 15-Jan-20 08:20:15

Your husband needs to stay away from the house until you have something sorted.

pemberlyshades Wed 15-Jan-20 08:24:11

Your husband is abusing your son and neglecting your daughter. What a shit.

Ugzbugz Wed 15-Jan-20 08:46:01

Hes an absolute monster, he needs to go immediately, treating your son like that and making your daughter late for school? I'm surprised SS haven't already been involved tbh. If you have a low income you may be entitled to benefits, are you renting, or a mortgage?

lotsofdogshere Wed 15-Jan-20 08:50:58

No doubt the police will inform children's services about your son's psychological/emotional/problems and suicidal thoughts.
It sounds as though you need your husband to move out and also, to stop drinking.
You need to be proactive, take your boy to see your family doctor. Children's mental health services are in crisis but a boy telling his friends he wants to kill himself is a priority.

Ishotmrburns Wed 15-Jan-20 08:52:00

You don't need to leave, HE needs to leave

user1493413286 Wed 15-Jan-20 08:54:54

I think you know that your husband is the problem; no amount of counselling is going to help your son while his dad continues to treat him this way.

YasssKween Wed 15-Jan-20 09:35:39

You need to ask him to leave the home while you put a plan in place. It should not be you and the children who need to find somewhere else to go.

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