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HV asked what I do for a living and what nursery DS goes to

(24 Posts)
FTMF30 Tue 14-Jan-20 12:42:31

. . . Is this normal?

For abit of context, DS is 18mo and has been to paediatricians for dairy/egg allergy. HV arranged a visit saying its courtesy has been made aware of the allergy.

I was fine with this but I didn't see why she needed to know where DS went to nursery and what I do for a living. A few months back, my nursery also said they might need to contact HV because he initially wouldn't eat whilst there.

I know it's good to be vigilant and protect children from neglect/abuse but I felt the HV was needlessly poking her nose around. AIBU?

tihsho Tue 14-Jan-20 12:52:03

Yes, I think YABU. They need to know nursery so that they can ensure information is shared appropriately as needed. They like to find out parental background to understand the home life of a child.
Childcare professionals by and large are there to support children and families and they need information about that child and their family to do so.

Dinosauratemydaffodils Tue 14-Jan-20 12:52:11

It's normal here. Just like the hospital contacting the HV if your child has an A&E visit etc.

BillHadersNewWife Tue 14-Jan-20 12:56:51

I was could be just chat.

Mintjulia Tue 14-Jan-20 13:09:33

My HV asked that. I didn’t see the problem. I suppose it gives a more complete picture but I have a pretty mundane job, unlikely to spark any one’s interest.
If you mind, I guess you could be vague, say you are between jobs/provision, or just tell her to mind her own business. I didn’t see my HV after about 3 months anyway.

Sidge Tue 14-Jan-20 13:16:22

It’s normal and important - all relevant family and social history especially where allergies are concerned.

A parents job may introduce allergens into the home, but asking parents occupation is also a standard part of taking a full history.

Asking about nursery is also standard, it allows liaison and information sharing with consent. As children get older paediatricians will want to know what school they attend.

georgialondon Tue 14-Jan-20 13:21:21

It's normal. Why does it bother you?

happystory Tue 14-Jan-20 13:24:31

It's normal, early years settings and HVs are supposed to share information.

Flavarings Tue 14-Jan-20 13:26:23

Its normal OP.
My DD sliced her chin open at nursery on a pram, had to take her to a&e to get it glued back together. Few days later HV rang to ask how she was / what happened. I explained it was at nursery on a pram and she asked how it happened and why wasn't she kept an eye on / should SS be involved! ... I explained I didn't know the ins and outs as it wasn't in my care it was at nursery. She took the nurserys name and contacted them, asked what I did for a living and even rung my work to confirm I was there and left to go to the hospital!
I did get a phonecall a few days later apologising about it and not listening mind you!

DonnaDarko Tue 14-Jan-20 13:26:50

I feel like people look for reasons to be upset.

Perfectly normal!

mindutopia Tue 14-Jan-20 13:30:32

The HV liaises with nursery to do assessments there. I know both of mine have had the HV see them at nursery. It’s a good way to see them in their everyday environment and socialising with others. Very normal.

I’m sure your job must be a line to fill in on some form, or she could just be making conversation or seeing if anything flags up about you adjusting back to work. It’s just a good way to open up that conversation.

FTMF30 Tue 14-Jan-20 13:34:47

Thanks all. The questions surprised m, thats all. I wasn't "upset" as a PP put it. I just thought it was just a little nosey (particular the Q about my job). But it's reasurring to hear it's perfectly normal.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted Tue 14-Jan-20 14:40:04

Or maybe it's just small talk????

WhatsInAName19 Tue 14-Jan-20 14:49:38

I don’t think it’s at all unreasonable to raise an eyebrow at this. Not the nursery part, that is sensible and it’s important that information is shared between relevant parties. But asking about your job is intrusive IMO. If it’s a case of ensuring that allergens are not related to your occupation then the HV should have the courtesy to tell you why they need that information. New mothers are not children and we should be fully involved in the conversation surrounding our care and the care of our babies. Not being asked personal questions without a full explanations to why that information is required. Unless there are other concerns, I don’t see how knowing what you do for a living will tell them anything. I reluctantly ended up giving up work (for lots of reasons, financial mostly) to take care of my baby and was quite sensitive about it. I was on the receiving end of a lot of judgement, both by people I knew and by society at large. I would not have taken kindly to being asked about it by a HV for no reason as this would have felt like another opportunity for someone to make a judgement about me and our family.

Peony99 Tue 14-Jan-20 15:25:50

Mine asked whether we owned our house, and then whether we had a mortgage. She was in our house at the time so could see that we were perfectly adequately housed, if that's what she was getting at.

I get it OP. It's not upsetting in the slightest, just weird and unnecessary.

Khione Tue 14-Jan-20 15:41:36

They really aren't that interested so long as you give an ok answer.

Its a routine question and most will forget your answer unless it's something unusual.

Blitzen2 Tue 14-Jan-20 15:45:41

It’s not wierd or unnecessary. They need to have as much information as possible for a number of situations. Child protection is just one of them. I’m sure there are parts of your job that you feel isn’t needed but you do what your hired to do.

misspiggy19 Tue 14-Jan-20 15:46:25

You are a bit paranoid. This is normal and perfectly acceptable small talk.

Wonderland18 Tue 14-Jan-20 15:49:58

I know a HV who gave someone a two week timeframe to have their flooring done.
This was when their baby was still newborn so not ever left on the floor.

ChikiTIKI Tue 14-Jan-20 15:50:42

I got asked by the receptionist in A&E the other day if I am still an accountant. Thought it was a bit odd. Suppose in that context it's good to check I've not taken up a job that exposes me to risks like needle injuries etc... I don't know. I find it odd how I am asked at booking in appointments by the midwife if I own my home. Seems nosey to me. They are trying to figure out how secure/stable the living situation is though I suppose.

PanamaPattie Tue 14-Jan-20 15:54:19

I don’t think what you do for a living and if you have a mortgage is the business of the HV. Very intrusive and non of their business.

FernBritanica Tue 14-Jan-20 15:58:50

I agree with @WhatsInAName19. You're not a child and if the HV wants your personal info they should explain why.

Mumtown Tue 14-Jan-20 16:01:16

I would assume they use the occupation and home ownership status to identify your class fof their statistics or something?

starfishmummy Tue 14-Jan-20 16:09:06

I agree that it is probably normal.
However as mum to a disabled kid I get asked all sorts of intrusive questions so I am more than happy to ask why they think something is relevant.

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