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This Work/Life Balance is making me ill

(2 Posts)
Twirlywirlywoo Tue 14-Jan-20 09:59:14

I have 2 DCs, 1 18 month old and 1 school age. I have a job where much of my work can be done at home and 2 long days are out of the house during the week and 5 hours at the weekend.

I have DC2 at home with me when I'm not out of the house, I take DC1 to school every day of the week and collect him on each of the days I am not working, I cook 4 evening meals out of 5 during the week.
2 evenings a week,as soon as we have tidied up after meal time and DH comes home, I am upstairs working whilst DCs make lots of noise playing with DH whilst I'm trying to work.

I am angry and stressed constantly. I get no time to myself at all and feel guilty about working at the weekend when DC1 is at school during the week. Working on an evening after having DCs all day is awful as my imaginative and creative energy is barely fuctioning and I need to have interesting ideas in my field of work.

We can't afford to pay for any more childcare, we can't afford me to lower my working hours, DH can't do more because of the demands of his job. I could look for a new job where I work solely out of the house for a little more money and put DC2 in nursery, but then I wouldn't be able to do many school runs and would need to pay for wrap around before and after school care.

I need to find a way of balancing things better as I can't continue this way. I have spoken to DH who just glazes over and says "but you wanted to be able to do school runs and work from home more." He says I am making things more difficult than they need to be. He used to do 1-2 school pick-ups a week but says his work won't allow it any more. He relies on his parents and one of these days now and me for the other.

But it's not working.
I don't want to/cant work creatively in the evening after a full day of tantrums, school runs etc. There are other women who do my job who have young children, who have a planning and administration day at home once a week whilst a relative cares for the DCs. I don't have this option, or if I do, it is not a consistent option.

Everything feels wound up far too tightly and I feel like there is so much pressure on me. DH is completely unable to multitask during the week and is all-consumed by his work,aside from getting DCs dressed each morning and doing baths or bedtimes. He does not need to use any mental energy whatsoever for the organisation of DCs care/chores etc. He complains that I am not earning enough money and has implied he thinks I should return to work fulltime. Something has to give, but I also want to be around for my children.

Does anyone have suggestions?

Soontobe60 Tue 14-Jan-20 10:06:17

You can't have it all, despite what society tells us. I think you'd be much better actually working full time, with maybe one day a week at home so that you can do the school runs on that day. That would also leave the evenings and weekends free for family time.
Your dc need a mum who is happy, it's no use being with them if you're resentful or knackered or just plain unhappy.

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