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When did you first leave baby?

(58 Posts)
Lilkat Sun 12-Jan-20 12:10:17

Just wondered what age everyone's littles were when you first went out without them? My husband really wants us to go out for a date night - just dinner and cinema and leave our lo with her gran. He wants us to have some us time and thinks it would do us "a world of good". I know where he's coming from, but I also don't want to leave my LG yet! She's almost 8 weeks so she's still tiny and no one else has looked after her yet.

I have to go back to uni at the end of this month so for a few days a week I'll have to leave her with family - and Im dreading it. I feel like these are my days to be with her without interruption, so I don't want a date night that will take me away from her!

But at the same time, if dh feels its something he needs and it's only for a few hours I don't want to ignore him, or make him feel pushed out.

Anyone else had this?

Caspianberg Sun 12-Jan-20 12:15:52

My baby isn't born yet, but I think i would be happy to leave then at 8 weeks with close family to go out for dinner. Its only a few hours and From what you're saying you will have to leave soon for work anyway.

I wouldn't want to leave overnight until much later though. I aim to breastfeed, but after a few weeks a bottle from dh in evening. So would be happy to leave them being fed by grandparents ocaasionally if offered

DesLynamsMoustache Sun 12-Jan-20 12:17:55

We went for a meal out for a couple of hours when DD was 12 weeks. My mum looked after her in our home. I was so desperate to get back to her I skipped dessert grin She's 11mo now and we've both been out separately but only left her with others a couple of times and not overnight as I'm not ready for that yet.

If you don't want do, don't feel pressured into doing it. It's entirely normal not to want to be away from your tiny baby.

ParkheadParadise Sun 12-Jan-20 12:22:29

I can't remember with Dd1 it was nearly 28 yrs ago.

Dd2(4) She stayed overnight with my sister at 3 weeks. I never had a problem with dd staying with family members. She now stays with Inlaws one night a week, has done since she was small. She loves to stay with family esp my niece and her children.

Lilkat Sun 12-Jan-20 12:31:44

Thanks for the replies! I find it hard to explain to family, I tried to tell my mil and she kept saying "but she'll be fine, she won't even remember that you weren't here!". And I'm going no, that's not what I'm worried about, I just want to be with her! I'm not worried about how they'll look after her, anyone who would be taking care of her has plenty of experience with babies, I just don't want to be away from her until I really have to be.

Part of me thinks just go, it's only a few hours. But the other half of me thinks I'll end up crying in the restaurant and spoil the night anyway!

ParkheadParadise Sun 12-Jan-20 12:38:13

Its your choice *@Lilkat*.
If you don't want to do it thats ok.
Is Mil planning on coming to your house to look after the baby?

Fivebyfive2 Sun 12-Jan-20 12:44:15

Hi @Lilkat! I've got a similar dilemma, our ds is almost 5 weeks and dh is asking when I think I'll be ready for us to leave him with my parents, just for a short while, so we can have some Us Time. I'm thinking of waiting another few weeks, then doing what @DesLynamsMoustache did; parents come to ours while we have a meal out for an hour, then we can gradually build things up.

It's mad how different everyone is! I've asked people and responses have ranged from 'just do it, he'll be fine, it'll be great' to 'noooo it's far too early etc'... I think it's something where everyone has to just figure out what's right for them 🙂

Weffiepops Sun 12-Jan-20 12:46:38

6 weeks old

hoopdaloo Sun 12-Jan-20 12:47:31

I left my youngest at about 12 weeks while and oh went to a gig. It felt really weird, but we were only gone a few hours. Haven't left her over night yet, and she is 2 now! With my eldest, I went for a meal with friends when he was about 9 months. And over night when he was just over 1. It does seem horrible, and to be honest, I hate leaving them! But sometimes it's just nice to have a minute to breathe. Maybe just give it a few more weeks. It will be weird, but you might find you enjoy yourself.

Mamabear88 Sun 12-Jan-20 12:51:51

I left our DD with my MIL at 11 days old to go into town and register her birth. It was January and wet and cold and I didn't want to drag her all the way there and back again on public transport. MIL was more than happy to watch her. DD was formula fed so that wasn't an issue. We weren't far away and it was only for I think 3 hours total (we grabbed a bite of lunch whilst we were out). I think 8 weeks is completely fine. Go and enjoy! x

CosmoK Sun 12-Jan-20 12:53:27

My mil was looking after DS at ours from 4 weeks so we could have a couple of hours out. He started staying over a 12 weeks and still stays regularly aged 5.

Time as a couple is vital imo. It's what kept me sane in those early days/months/years!

Lilkat Sun 12-Jan-20 12:55:05

@ParkheadParadise I think dh was planning on leaving our lo at his mums, although she would probably wouldn't mind coming to ours if we asked.

@Fivebyfive2 it's so hard isn't it?! I think part of the reason I'm doubting myself is I know that once I'm back in uni life will be hectic. I'm in my final year so any spare time is likely to be spent studying and trying to get a dissertation in. So realistically I won't be up for date nights then either. I'll see how we get on today before I tell dh yes or no!

ParkheadParadise Sun 12-Jan-20 12:57:39

We went away for 5 nights, when dd2 was about 6mths.
My siblings were fighting between themselves about who was looking after her.

RegalRita Sun 12-Jan-20 12:59:26

DS is six months old and I’ve barely left him, for much the same reason. However, and I think you may want to consider this, I wish I’d been braver to leave him sooner because the longer it goes on the harder it is. I’m a big Star Wars nerd so left him a couple of weeks ago for about four hours to see the new movie and you’d think I was leaving him for a week with the anxiety and preparation it took.

Caspianberg Sun 12-Jan-20 13:00:32

Maybe you need to work up to a longer time out? Cinema and dinner is probably 3-4hrs.
Could you ask MIl to come to yours and you just go out locally for a casual evening meal or maybe weekends earlier for mid morning brunch. That would be more like 90 mins-2hrs. That way baby can be fed and probably wouldn't even need another feed before your home (although you could leave something for if needed)

Tellingitlikeitisnt Sun 12-Jan-20 13:04:32

Don’t do anything you don’t feel comfortable with and your DH shouldn’t be forcing the issue or suggesting it means you are prioritising baby over him

It’s not a competition and he needs to be mature enough to understand that at this very early stage in your baby’s life you prefer to be with her as much as possible

I didn’t leave any of mine for the evening until well after 12 months as they all cluster fed in the evening. Overnight was more like three years! I went back to work in the day at six months however.

Do what you please
You can always put the baby down and have a special evening together at home- bath, candles, really nice meal.

firstimemamma Sun 12-Jan-20 13:05:48

I felt ready at 6 months but my fiancé didn't feel ready so we waited and I didn't mind. He felt ready at a year but then we had a lot on our plate and life got in the way... we finally went on a date when ds was 15 months! Everyone is different.

AmazingGreats Sun 12-Jan-20 13:14:25

DC1 I first left at about 3/4 months for a short gym session then built up to longer times.
DC2 I first left at 2.5months as went back to work.
DC3 I left at about 3 weeks for a necessary hospital appointment.

I didn't really leave them for nights out until they were more robust toddlers. The main reasons being when I went into hospital to have their siblings so had to have them looked after overnight (so did a few practices to to get them used to it). I haven't had an evening out in about 2 years

AmazingGreats Sun 12-Jan-20 13:15:41

I felt ready to leave them at about 2-3 weeks old, but they were not ready without me really until about 6 months or so

4amWitchingHour Sun 12-Jan-20 13:16:32

Considering you'll need to leave her for whole days at the end of January I think you should start building up to it now. As a PP said, maybe start with a lunch, then progress to dinner, then maybe even a whole day? I know what you mean about wanting to make the most of this time now, but it may well make it harder when you have to go to uni. And - your relationship needs time and attention too!

mrsed1987 Sun 12-Jan-20 13:18:19

7 months with my parents for an afternoon when i went to work. Her is 1 next week and havent left him again, just havent had any need to do so tbh, we have time together in the evenings

Hollywhiskey Sun 12-Jan-20 13:19:02

We went out for dinner when my eldest was 13 months!!! If you're not going to enjoy it because you're worried or missing them then there's no point. My youngest is 4.5 months, we're going away with my parents next month and thinking we might leave her with them to go for lunch, but might not.
Everyone is different. Some people are happy to leave their tiny babies in the care of a loving father or grandparent who may have raised many other children successfully. Some of us need to keep them close for longer. It depends how far away the restaurant is, how you are feeding, how easy it is to get home, how well the baby sleeps, so many things.
Your marriage is important of course but this time in your life is very short and you must do what feels right for you. If you're not comfortable with dinner, would lunch be better? Would you prefer a different restaurant? Would you rather have takeaway and a film at home with your husband while baby sleeps? The first time my parents had my eldest while I went out at all she was maybe 9 months and husband and I went running together.

Parker231 Sun 12-Jan-20 13:23:55

I started back at gym classes when they were 12 weeks and at about the same time DH and I started going out for dinner a night a week. We used a babysitter. I went back to work full time when DT’s were six months and they were at nursery.

champagneandfromage50 Sun 12-Jan-20 13:27:05

To be honest it sounds like your feeling pressurised to leave her when your not ready. When my little ones were tiny I took them with me for dates with my DH. It was so easy taking them out when they were tiny as they tend to sleep a lot and I BF so easy to feed if they woke up which they never did. You do whatever you want to do and don't feel pushed if your not ready. As a matter of interest who is looking after your baby when you go back to uni?

Lilkat Sun 12-Jan-20 13:35:31

@tellingitlikeitisnt I didn't mean to suggest dh is implying that I'm neglecting him, he's been great, I think I was speaking more to my own concerns. As in, if we don't make time for one another, and then life gets in the way, could he start to feel like that.

I don't think that I am ready just yet. I still cry when I think about leaving her to go back to uni. I know it isn't rational, she'll be with people who love her and are dying to look after her, she's ff so no worries about feeding, everyone who would be caring for her has plenty of experience with babies... I feel a bit silly for being so anxious.

Will talk to dh about building up to leaving her with family, lunch somewhere local sounds like a good plan. We could probably do that within a couple of hours and time it so she didn't need a feed.

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