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can you love too much? Clingy ds...

(10 Posts)
vannah Thu 23-Aug-07 18:11:41

Need to know because Im starting to believe all those people who said Im just creating a 'rod for my own back' (worn out phrase!)by loving ds so much. Mums of 2 have told me they didnt with no.2 and so much for the better. The older generation are warning me to be firmer.
My LO is 23 months and is exceptionally clingy. At playgroups he plays well but runs back to me frequently for hugs. I work 2 days a week and he still gets hysterical when I leave for work (since 9 months old)

I am very affectionate with him. Wanted him to always feel reassured. Even to the point that I took 4 months off work recently to be with him all the time, its only made him even clingier!
Likewise my dh has been on summer holiday for past 6 weeks and he is now v clingy with him too....

what are we doing wrong?

Kammy Thu 23-Aug-07 18:37:06

Nothing! IMHO it is not possible to love a child too much.
I wonder if it is his personality? My ds was quite clingy but was fine when the time came to start nursery age 3. He is reserved with people he doesn't know and sometimes quiet at school, but has plenty of friends and now age 5 doesn't give me a second glance if he is going to a friends!
If you are worried, perhaps you could try praising effusively when he does play away from you nicely? Or tell him how proud you were when he did .... with..whoever? I tried to encourage ds as much as possible and be very matter of fact about leaving him at nursery. He still climbs all over me for a cuddle adn I wouldn't change that for anything (or maybe when he's 15 and still doing it I'll be saying something different!

juuule Thu 23-Aug-07 19:12:47

Agree with Kammy. You are doing nothing wrong at all.

TheArmadillo Thu 23-Aug-07 19:13:37

some kids are clingy, some aren't. What the parents do makes very little difference to most.

YOu can't love them too much.

beansprout Thu 23-Aug-07 19:18:07

He's very young and he knows that mummy will always look after him, so he is just coming to you when he needs to. Ds is nearly 3 and we have loads of cuddles, hugs, kisses etc all through the day. You are allowing him to feel secure in his world and this will foster independence later on. The idea of pushing a toddler into "independence" is an odd one, don't worry, he's fine.

Nat1H Thu 23-Aug-07 20:04:12

I always thought that mothers made their babies clingy, as mine was not clingy in any way at all. THEN I HAD DS2!! Now I know that mothers make no difference to the 'clingyness' of their child. You CAN'T love a child too much - it is just his personality. Keep on loving him just as you are.

madness Thu 23-Aug-07 20:07:42

agree, all my 3 dc are different. must say nursery makes a difference as well. very clingy with one (even on days not there) fine with other (swapped over) and generally less shy

JodieG1 Thu 23-Aug-07 20:09:00

Agree with the others. Carry on the way you're doing as it's not wrong imo and you cannot love too much.

Claire77 Thu 23-Aug-07 20:11:02

I agree with that, what you are saying. you can't make a child a child clngy. I have three children, my eldest has some learning difficulties and will want to go with me everywhere, but's thats just his personality, and i can't change that. i do try to explain to him whay he can't, whereas my middle child is different again and is'nt the slightlest bit clingy. It is the individual child , and in the child's personality if he/she is going to be clingy and not how you bring the child up.

vannah Thu 23-Aug-07 20:26:41

very reassuring to read all of your replies. Thankyou very much. Best of all was reading that it may be personality/ nothing the mother is doing and that siblings can differ.
Phew!

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