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To feel the school day has taken over my life

(353 Posts)
Kitkatcuppa Tue 10-Dec-19 06:40:53

Hi everyone. I think it's probably just everything changed at once. But I'm feeling abit meh about everything and feel abit stuck. I stopped working five years ago and had my first child. We live comfortably of my partner's wage and I'd be working to pay for childcare. Also we don't have family to help so I have nobody to have the kids for illness etc.

I have two kids now. 2 nearly and 4. The 4 year old started school in September. Her school is a mile walk and I don't drive. The walks not an issue and happy enough with the school but I feel like the week is just repetitive and boring and Sundays are ironing uniform and packing bags and preparing for Monday.

As soon as my child started school the weather changed. Obviously you expect it. But we went from going to the park twice a week, a trip to town, loads of walks and visiting family and friends to this.

6.15 I get up
7.00 the kids get up
Hour of rushing
8.05 we try and leave.
8.40 the gates open. I take her in and walk home for 9.10am

I usually have pots, washing etc to do. Never go to the parks now as it's muddy, freezing icy and the toddler has been in the pushchair on the school run for an hour and is now angry and wants to be warm. He won't wear a hat to make life harder lol.

If we are at home all day (which we are) it's all about housework and tidying. I don't get much time at all to play with my son as my partner's never home until 8pm and evenings are hell. I'm always chasing my tail to get stuff done only for the kids to make a mess (which I expect) then at 2.45 I leave again to go collect my daughter and get back in at 4.

I miss our old lives so much. I hate these depressing cold wet muddy days and not being able to take my son out. All my friends work or I see my best friend on the school run but she's busy. She goes jogging and into town as her one daughter is now at school. I just feel so lonely. My mum lives real close but she never comes to me and often will say she's ironing or something. I dunno it's abit rubbish. Roll on spring.

I can't even go into town because my son will cry after the school run because he wants to play 🤷🏼‍♀️

Kitkatcuppa Tue 10-Dec-19 06:43:04

Also people sometimes say after the school run come and meet me in the park for a coffee. I have to say I can't because they don't understand my son's already been out in the cold for an hour and he doesnt want to sit in it for another two whilst I sit and chat 😖😖

DonPablo Tue 10-Dec-19 06:45:51

Ah, I can feel your frustration.

I mean this nicely and kindly. But spend more time playing with the little one. You'll catch up with the housework, or it may end up not being perfect, but he'll be at school too before you know it. Set aside time Tom play.

Do you go to nay play groups? That's get you out and him some time to play.

This will pass. It will be spring again, you'll get used to the routine. The kids will get older and easier. Promise.

DocusDiplo Tue 10-Dec-19 06:46:55

Yes life with children that age can be monotonous.

Are there playgroups nearby to take the two year old and break up your day? I would go nearly every day I could. You can make friends there too.

Also wrap up warm and go out anyway.

Also get a job. It doesn't matter if you lose money for a couple of years, you will be keeping your skills up and staying sane. Could mum babysit while you volunteer an hour or two?

But yes winters suck. Also crafts are fun ; do less housework..

BigSandyBalls2015 Tue 10-Dec-19 06:47:11

You need to find some indoor stuff to go to with your youngest, you can’t be stuck in all day.

I have to say though that your day sounds far preferable to wrestling two little ones to nursery/school then legging it for a train to work all day.

AdriannaP Tue 10-Dec-19 06:49:20

biscuit

Some of us do all this and then go to work. Stop moaning and enjoy all the free time you have.

AnyFucker Tue 10-Dec-19 06:49:52

Childcare would come out of both your salaries if you were to get a job, yrs ?

Paying childcare for a few years can be the price you pay for your career and your sanity.

That's what I did. Maybe being a SAHM is not for you ?

AllTheUserNamesAreTaken Tue 10-Dec-19 06:50:41

What sort of mansion do you live in if your entire day every day is all about housework and tidying?!

Also, you get home at presumably 4pm after picking eldest up from school. How do you have no time to play with your son?

Regarding the park, put your child in layers and a puddle suit and wellies and....take him to the park. Play with him, let him run around a bit and splash in puddles while you keep an eye on him and chat at the same time

CherryPavlova Tue 10-Dec-19 06:54:36

I’d have driven myself bonkers if I’d stayed in washing up and not seeing others all day.
You need to find nice, fun things to do so you enjoy their young yers rather than end up resentful.
How sociable are you? Can you suggest coffee to other mothers? Playgroups, toddler swimming/singing/gym/French etc.
No such thing as bad weather just inappropriate clothing. Wrap up warm. Use waterproofs and go to woods/beach/park. Jump in puddles, collect fir cones for Christmas, collect pebbles to paint when you get home. Treat yourself to a hot chocolate afterwards.
The advantage of being out is that thee is less mess created so less tidying up.

WhatwouldRuthdo Tue 10-Dec-19 06:55:28

Accept the invites to the park. You’ll get much needed adult conversation and your toddler will have fun running around and playing. Being out of the house keeps the place tidier too. If you are indoors, does the whole day need to be housework? Maybe do an hour and then spend some time playing with the little one. It does sound like you need adult company though, and I second the suggestion of a play group.

christmassymcchristmas Tue 10-Dec-19 06:55:50

Is there a reason you're not working? It can't be taking all day every day to clean, by the weekend you could easily have got all the ironing etc done.

You can take your ds to the park, what do you think the cold weather is going to do to him?

MyReadingChallenge Tue 10-Dec-19 06:56:24

You can still go to the park when it is cold and muddy. Sounds like your son might need some warmer stuff - wellies and a pair of waterproof trousers etc. Also do you have a pair of wellies and a decent coat? Makes all the difference.

Also lots of playgroups near us are timed so they are just after the school run.

Have you tried to learn to drive? Sounds like it could help you out. Also means you can travel a bit further afield if you don’t have lots of playgroups/ soft plays local to you. Also means you don’t have to plan your day around the school run so much as you can just nip to school in the car.

Housework shouldn’t take all day everyday! Give yourself permission to live a little more

LeekMunchingSheepShagger Tue 10-Dec-19 06:59:49

Find some indoor activities to take the 2 year old to op. Unless you live in the middle of nowhere there’ll be lots of groups you could go to where he can play and you can meet people.

megletthesecond Tue 10-Dec-19 07:02:33

It won't be like this forever. Admittedly the winter can be a slog to get through but your 2yr old will be able to play out more in the spring. Before you know it they'll have a place at pre-school and you will have some free time to exercise, study, catch up in peace.

Kitkatcuppa Tue 10-Dec-19 07:04:27

Hiya everyone. I don't work because I need to do school runs and take care of the kids. I actually do enjoy being a sahm but have not since September. There's only one playgroup on a Tuesday but it's right at the time he naps. We do go out and do all the things you've suggested when the weather's good. Winter wasn't an issue until DD went to school. Son has a puddlesuit and wellies but he literally cries and cries all the way back. He's fed up and has to do it twice a day.

I don't live in a mansion. It's the picking up after everyone else before I can do my chores. I also can't do a simple thing lol take washing upstairs until my son sleeps. He is a fearless toddler who escapes pour of everything and I have to watch him.

Mum would never help me out. Hence why I put that in my post. If I work who's going to do the school runs and feed my kids? No way am I going to get a job 10.30 until 2 anywhere at the moment. It's not that simple for me to work. I know people who do work don't understand it.

You might think I'm lucky to have all the free time and to stop moaning. Just because our lives are different doesn't mean I have no right to feel abit lost. Your just looking at it that way because you resent working as much I presume.

SnuggyBuggy Tue 10-Dec-19 07:04:31

Why do you have to wait around the school so long?

Kitkatcuppa Tue 10-Dec-19 07:05:14

Sorry for my typos.

NabooThatsWho Tue 10-Dec-19 07:05:47

Being a SAHM can be very boring if you spend most of your time cleaning.
Why not go back to work part-time? Even if you aren’t making a profit at least you might feel better mentally?

NabooThatsWho Tue 10-Dec-19 07:07:08

* If I work who's going to do the school runs and feed my kids?*

Erm....a childminder?

AnyFucker Tue 10-Dec-19 07:07:22

Why don't you learn to drive ?

CookieChips Tue 10-Dec-19 07:08:33

It is tough at this stage but soon I'm guessing your youngest can go to nursery, then you will have some free hours.

OverByYer Tue 10-Dec-19 07:12:50

Imagine having to do all this and work as well?

christmassymcchristmas Tue 10-Dec-19 07:13:07

Lots of excuses there OP. You're being a bit of a martyr here. Yes you can take washing upstairs etc.

A childminder would feed your kids and do the school run if you worked at least a couple of days a week. Working parents don't leave their children at home to starve!

I don't resent you not working, I haven't worked the past few years.

Hercules12 Tue 10-Dec-19 07:13:37

Not really to do with your thread but noones mentioned working so you can contribute to a pension for yourself and also so you have an income in case your relationship ends. I've always worked and never been a sahp so I don't get what its like for you but now I'm heading towards 50 I'm glad I worked and have pension and independence. There was a few early years where, after childcare, I made virtually nothing although it has varied over the years who warms more between dh and me. We're about the same now.
Can you spend this time studying instead of cleaning?

Kitkatcuppa Tue 10-Dec-19 07:13:43

What makes you think there's a childminder around here with a space to pick my child up and have my son in the car too aswel as other kids. It's not about going to work. I like looking after my kids I'm just stuck with what to do with this horrible weather.

I can't learn to drive yet but I plan too in the next few years. We have money but not a spare £100 a month at the moment

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